Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

Are you serious? I’m mortified just reading the OP.

Do you have any concept of basic manners? I can’t believe this.

OP didn’t just take her son to the hotel though, did she?

The wedding celebrations were not over, and this was a private event. OP tried her luck and lost, and that’s on her. That the bridge and groom were not in any way wrong in refusing to accommodate her cheeky fuckery.

They’ve been together three years.

God, how many times do you have to be told no! Absolutely mortifying. You honestly have no manners.

The son wasn't though. She tried to enter with her son and was refused.

The brides reaction makes me wonder if this is behaviour that she's seen before OP. A lot of people will forgive a genuine brain fart in an otherwise reasonable person but get fed up of a pattern of difficult behaviour.

OP if this sort of scenario where you get upset because because people have said no to you happens often then you owe it to your child to try and unpack why it happens.

Massively unreasonable CF you are and you are still describing the bride as precious.

Grow up and take some responsibility.

Surely It all depends on how much the family have been around op and her son.

lived together 1 year. When did the son meet the dp let alone the rest of the family. Could be a handful or less not exactly bonding.

Regardless though he wasn’t invited and op knew when he was first now allowed in then as others has pointed out basically tried to sneak in via another door.

I accept fully that I took an uninvited 8 year old to a private function but I did not think that they would be so precious about a brunch the day after their wedding...It never occurred to me that she would object to the 8 year her brother lives with having something off the table at s brunch...I think I cried because there was a realisation that we weren’t considered family

If anyone was being precious, OP, it's you. They have every right to have whatever wedding they wanted, and to have some boundaries with a family member's partner who seemed determined to have her own way regardless (and who could probably have cost them money if the venue had charged them for the extra person). It's not "they're big meanies for not letting my child have some food from the heaving table", it's the fact that you trampled over their boundaries again and again and clearly they'd had enough.

That you're using words like "precious" and demanding that you get treated as family (and crying when you don't get your way) makes me think that they were probably quite glad to keep you at arm's length.

Still, future gatherings shouldn't be an issue as I shouldn't think they'll invite you to anything ever again. I bloody wouldn't

It's the day after, part of the wedding celebrations as it was in a separate part of the venue and hosted by the wedding party. OP cried at having to eat in the public part of the hotel.

I don 't understand why she didn't just pick him up and go home/take him for breakfast and pick her partner up later.

She tried to get him breakfast!

You're digging to Australia here OP.

You were out of order. End of.

It was a buffet type breakfast thing with loads of food.

Do you honestly think buffets still aren't done 'per person'? I mean, how many wedding threads have there been on here about bad wedding experiences and people say they buffet ran out before their table got called up?

Buffet does not mean 'unlimited food and no cost'. It's calculated per person. They budgeted and paid the caterer per person. You added to that. A buffet is a formal catered for budgeted for thing. Even if it is the morning after. It is still paid per person. It's not an unlimited free for all as you seem to think.

In order of people I feel sorry for.

The son, put in an embarrassing position by his mother who then cried at him and upset him for no purpose.

The bride and groom, bride for being put in a difficult situation, and groom for probably having to listen to her rightfully bend his ear about it later.

The hotel staff, who probably found it awkward.

About 3 miles behind, the DP, put in an awkward situation by the OP at his sister's wedding and probably now with flak to deal with.

The OP is not on the list.

She was driving partner back home so probably wouldn’t want to leave eight year old home alone.

I thought you were in the public dining room of the hotel when you cried? That’s not very private.

It was a private breakfast with a guest list.

You’d been told your son was absolutely not invited. Firstly by not receiving an invitation and secondly when you queried it.

You tried to enter the room and were told you couldn’t bring your son to the invitation-only event.

You then entered another way and tried to snag free food for your very clearly not invited son.

Then you burst into tears.

You could have paid for him to have breakfast in the public area of the hotel. You could have taken him home. You could have arranged to collect him from the sleepover after the brunch ended.

But no, you decided to ignore the specifically explained “he cannot come” and risk humiliating an 8yo child because you think you’re entitled to feed your child brunch on someone else’s dime.

Agree the OP messed up but your post is just nasty.

Sometimes it’s family politics / logistics.

One 8 year old having a child size portion, also requires the three teenage step children to be included with three adult sized portions.

Nothing you can do OP but apologise, and accept that your SiL just doesn’t see step kids as full family. Perhaps in time this will change.

OP your language is very emotive- crashed and evicted!

You knew your son was not invited to a free lunch, but you thought no one would notice?
If you didn’t think it was part of the wedding, who do you think was paying for it?

Hope uninviteds, clarify - confirmed not inviteds turn up at your wedding , then you may understand

She didn't need to leave him home or leave him home alone, she could have taken him out for breakfast somewhere while waiting for her partner to finish up, or she could have taken him straight into the public part of the hotel (which is where they ended up) and paid for something to eat there.

I would be more sympathetic if OP hadn't got plenty of other options to choose from, but she had.

The fact that she didn't want to pay for her son to eat, but was hell bent on scamming a free breakfast for him off her SIL says a lot IMO, a terrible way for a guest to act.

The title of your thread makes it very obvious that you knew you were in the wrong!

Who did you think was paying for it though? You can't just randomly turn up and expect food when people aren't invited. Surely you realise that?

You’re reading that out of context. I made a post saying I’m a softie and not only would OP’s son have been ok to eat I’d be letting in any waif and stray because I’d be in a wedding ‘glow’ so would be too happy to care. The other poster quoted my ‘waif and stray’. Probably somewhat hyperbolic but was just trying to get across that sil sounds rather stiff and starchy for someone who just got married.

So you started crying after you were told no, which then made your son cry. Goodness me OP you kust know you were in the wrong. While I wouldn't have excluded children from any element of my own wedding it certainly is up the the bride and groom!