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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

1000 replies

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 14:05

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 14/04/2025 16:45

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/04/2025 16:31

How often do we read a thread where an OP has thrown a birthday party for her DC and other parents have show up with their younger children as well as the invited child, and then expected their younger children to be allowed to join the activities and partake in the party tea? The responses then are rarely that the OP shouldn’t “humiliate” them by politely telling them that they haven’t been invited or paid for and so can’t join in, because that’s cruel.

Edited
Show quote history

It depends though if it is a soft play party the advice normally is for the parent to pay and this was a soft play party situation where it was paid for per head and therefore an extra head paid for.

if it is an entertainer paid for by head again it needs to be careful that they aren’t coming in and making them pay more

Theboymolefoxandhorse · 14/04/2025 16:46

Think you’re getting a hard time here OP. People have very differing views on weddings and sometimes this can be cultural too. It sounds from your OP that you expected brunch to be in the main public breakfast area of (I’m assuming hotel type ) which is why you bought your son 🧒in the first place. It’s a bit unusual to have a specially catered for brunch the next day without any pre-warning or invite for this although perhaps this has been an oversight on your part and maybe you’ve missed this somewhere in the wedding invites.

agree with others that on finding out that the brunch was for you and partner only - the only two options shoukd have been to have purchased breakfast elsewhere or to have explained that you weren’t aware of this to someone from the wedding party and would it be ok s your son is now present. I personally don’t think I could get too het up about this on the day after my wedding. Usually people are funny about children because they can cause a scene, if you invite one you had to invite 50 and the cost rocket up. I don’t think it was necessary for the bride to frogmarch him out of there - I wouldn’t do that myself and think it’s quite extreme but obviously as it’s her wedding day (or day after) it’s her prerogative.

I would probably try and smooth things over by apologising. Explain you didn’t realise it was a formal sit down brunch, didn’t have childcare, but appreciate it looked a bit cheeky when he wasn’t invited. Explain you’re embarrassed and didn’t want to cause a scene or her day - Wish her well on her honeymoon and hopefully it will all be water under the bridge in a few days. It will be yesterdays news soon 💕

Oioisavaloy27 · 14/04/2025 16:47

Evilspiritgin · 14/04/2025 16:23

I would like to hear what the partners sister has to say about the whole thing, you can just imagine the aibu

I would also like to know what hotel does brunch for two / three people for a tenner (op said that partner borrowed said £10 from his dad),

Why would you go to a wedding with no money for drinks?

ACatCalledPuss · 14/04/2025 16:47

If it was just breakfast the day after the wedding, I don't think that is a big deal and I think the bride overreacted.

StupidBoy · 14/04/2025 16:48

Oh no she should have let her son wander around town unaccompanied whilst she and her partner enjoyed the super wedding. And then when her son was abducted we could create a thread saying what a bad mother she is because she left her son alone and vulnerable. Or she should have sat quietly in a room with her son, like the second-class citizens the clearly are, whilst her partner did his duties as the bride's brother at the wedding ( which is what she did). Or perhaps the bride and groom were just thoughtless and rude for creating this awkward situation in the first place?

WTAF?Confused The posters with the over-active imaginations and poor levels of comprehension are at it again. None of this would ever have happened or ever needed to happen. Things don't always have to be so drastic. Simpler and more obvious solutions are available.

The OP and her partner should have just politely skipped the brunch, and the B&G would have had to accept that the child they didn't invite needed collecting and taking home. If the OP's partner really wanted to stay for the brunch he could have found his own way home later, or the OP could have picked him up.

Humpsr · 14/04/2025 16:48

Crackanut · 14/04/2025 16:34

This is the level of nastiness that Mumsnet has descended to in the last few years. Just such utter nastiness for the sake of it. Feel better now do you? Your life must be sad to get your kicks from something like this. Dressing it up with "just a thought" doesn't hide your venom you know.

Show quote history

The level of nastiness that is on MN is astounding.
To report you would be constantly at it.
Just awful.
And about a child too.
Poor mite.

Oioisavaloy27 · 14/04/2025 16:49

ACatCalledPuss · 14/04/2025 16:47

If it was just breakfast the day after the wedding, I don't think that is a big deal and I think the bride overreacted.

The op has specifically put as the headline of her post Gatecrashed wedding brunch.

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/04/2025 16:49

Humpsr · 14/04/2025 16:44

OP, a very unfortunate situation which you misjudged.

However, she sheer ugliness of asking your child to leave is astounding.

Not in a million years would a decent person do this.

I fear for your son in this situation.
This is not a family to be involved with.

Your partner has made it clear this treatment of you is ok.

Do NOT have a child with him.
Do not bring a biological child into a dynamic like this.

They will other your son and make him feel like an unwanted outside that is not their family.

I wouldn't have done what you did but I absolutely believe you genuinely thought it wouldn't be a problem as their were other children there.

Only ugly people would feel the need to make such an unkind fuss.

Put your son first and rethink this situation.
He deserves better than you inflicting these people on him.
Nice decent kind people do not behave like this.

OP should've left and come back after feeding her child when it was clear his name wasn't on the list. She caused the situation by not only staying but also attempting to grab a plate for her son when she had already been told he wasn't invited.

The bride asked him to go back to the lawn. OP shouldn't have allowed him in there in the first place.

everythingthelighttouches · 14/04/2025 16:50

What a massive drama you created for no reason.
I can’t believe someone would do that to a child (never mind the bride and groom)

You really went out of your way to do this.

You literally had already left the wedding to pick up your child, you should’ve gone home.

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 16:50

CarpetKnees · 14/04/2025 16:45

I'm with the 95% of people who have voted, and most of the posts.

YWBVVVVVU.

I cannot fathom how you thought it would be appropriate to take anyone to an event they weren't invited to, that you had been rude enough to ask specifically if you could, even though they weren't invited, and then you STILL take him Shock.
I feel sorry for your ds, not because he was stopped from going in, but because the poor lad was put into the situation by you.

The event (wedding) was over. It was the following day. Having a breakfast in a private room doesn’t mean OP couldn’t take her son to the hotel.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 14/04/2025 16:50

Crackanut · 14/04/2025 16:16

A waif and stray? 😮Fuuuucking hell.

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That is what the previous poster I was replying to called them. Not my words at all. They said they would be happy with any waif or stray coming to brunch after their wedding as they would be floating on a cloud of bliss

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 14/04/2025 16:51

Tiswa · 14/04/2025 16:45

It depends though if it is a soft play party the advice normally is for the parent to pay and this was a soft play party situation where it was paid for per head and therefore an extra head paid for.

if it is an entertainer paid for by head again it needs to be careful that they aren’t coming in and making them pay more

Show quote history

It's not the same. OP's son isn't a random child like a birthday friend attending a party would be. OP's son's mother is the partner whose sister was getting married. That's a much closer relationship - or it should be.

I agree with the posters cautioning the OP to really think about whether her partner is somebody worth shackling herself to, given how unwelcoming his family really are because down the line, if there isn't a formal adoption of OP's son by her partner, there could be further heartbreak with clear familial lines followed to the letter.

I wouldn't do this, as hard as it would be to call it off, this family isn't kind or inclusive and if she stays, OP's son will likely take the brunt.

murasaki · 14/04/2025 16:51

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 16:50

The event (wedding) was over. It was the following day. Having a breakfast in a private room doesn’t mean OP couldn’t take her son to the hotel.

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Nobody said they couldn't, just that they couldn't crash the private brunch which had a list of names that the son wasn't on. They did eat breakfast in the public area in the end.

Kisskiss · 14/04/2025 16:52

OfNoOne · 14/04/2025 16:32

What's bizarre about needing to be invited to a private event? The brunch was a private event with a guest list. The OP had already been told her son was not invited and was then told again at the entrance to where the private event was being held: "So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in." She then tried to get him free food anyway, from the private event to which he had not been invited, then cried about being told no.

Show quote history

Yes so just re-read the OP and now thinking it was cheeky to be explicitly told “no entry “ by the hotel staff and then trying to join the group for food anyway by entering by the back doors…

Neemie · 14/04/2025 16:53

People can invite who they like to their wedding and that includes any part of it. It is reasonable to be annoyed or upset by their choices but it is totally unreasonable to ignore their wishes and gatecrash.

Sebsaloysius · 14/04/2025 16:53

Put it another way. If it was your Mum you'd had to pop out and pick up, would you have taken her back to the venue with you and expect her to be catered for?

I suspect the answer would be no, so.....

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 16:53

Differentforgirls · 14/04/2025 16:35

I think it was a "cow" you called her before?

Show quote history

Yes

Oioisavaloy27 · 14/04/2025 16:54

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 16:50

The event (wedding) was over. It was the following day. Having a breakfast in a private room doesn’t mean OP couldn’t take her son to the hotel.

Show quote history

(Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law ). That is ops post so no the event was not over.

Tetchypants · 14/04/2025 16:56

OneWittySquid · 14/04/2025 14:33

They have know you a year and barely know your child. You might not even be together in a few years time.

Exactly this. She’s a new girlfriend with a kid and not established in the family. Sorry OP but they owe you nothing, a year is nothing

Sorry, just seen you’ve been together three years. Nevertheless you created an awkward situation as the other step children in the family weren’t there. I do not know what possessed you not to double check if it was ok.

viques · 14/04/2025 16:56

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 15:20

How utterly childish of the bride to throw a tantrum because an 8yr old little boy walked into a “private event” with his mummy to get his Dad. He wasn’t eating the bloody food! OP CLEARLY stated that she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her son outside whilst she went in and grabbed her DH. That’s all they were doing! Shocking behaviour

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Did you miss the part where the OP waited (with her by this time starving hungry child) until the brunch party spread out into the garden, when she snuck in -through the garden door I expect since she knew there was no entry through the other door because the child wasn’t on the list - and grabbed two plates to load up with food?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 14/04/2025 16:56

Humpsr · 14/04/2025 16:48

The level of nastiness that is on MN is astounding.
To report you would be constantly at it.
Just awful.
And about a child too.
Poor mite.

Show quote history

I don't think one person has insulted the son. He is 8 years old. He did nothing wrong. It's all on his mother who behaved badly and caused him to feel embarrassed

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 14/04/2025 16:56

It would be interesting to hear the brides take on the situation.
Maybe she'd said no a few times and it pissed her off that she was ignored? Maybe she had been told the OP tried to enter earlier on for the brunch and was turned away and was annoyed she was trying to "sneak in" with her son? Maybe the meal was catered to a number? Who knows.
It's done now anyway. It was a silly mistake, nobody died, it's over. There wasn't even a big argument. Forget it and move on.

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 16:56

CloudPop · 14/04/2025 16:40

“Random son”

this is an actual child we are talking about here.

back to the eternal “but if he’s not blood he’s not faaaaaamily” brigade

Show quote history

Well yes, that was my point. A poster called him a random son and I replied that was mean spirited.

Pippinsdiary · 14/04/2025 16:56

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 14:19

OK this is clear that I was out of order but I genuinely did think the brunch would be a problem.

I wasn’t crying for sympathy. I cried because I was shocked.

My partner is on my side but won’t say anything.

I mean what’s to say? You are in the wrong. You should apologise

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 16:57

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 14/04/2025 16:56

It would be interesting to hear the brides take on the situation.
Maybe she'd said no a few times and it pissed her off that she was ignored? Maybe she had been told the OP tried to enter earlier on for the brunch and was turned away and was annoyed she was trying to "sneak in" with her son? Maybe the meal was catered to a number? Who knows.
It's done now anyway. It was a silly mistake, nobody died, it's over. There wasn't even a big argument. Forget it and move on.

OP was on the guest list of the brunch.

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