Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

How often do we read a thread where an OP has thrown a birthday party for her DC and other parents have show up with their younger children as well as the invited child, and then expected their younger children to be allowed to join the activities and partake in the party tea? The responses then are rarely that the OP shouldn’t “humiliate” them by politely telling them that they haven’t been invited or paid for and so can’t join in, because that’s cruel.

What's bizarre about needing to be invited to a private event? The brunch was a private event with a guest list. The OP had already been told her son was not invited and was then told again at the entrance to where the private event was being held: "So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in." She then tried to get him free food anyway, from the private event to which he had not been invited, then cried about being told no.

You have to pay per head. Not only did you expect him to be allowed entry but you expected them to pay for him to eat as well. As an uninvited guest. I’m sorry your boy cried but that is entirely your fault.

This is the level of nastiness that Mumsnet has descended to in the last few years. Just such utter nastiness for the sake of it. Feel better now do you? Your life must be sad to get your kicks from something like this. Dressing it up with "just a thought" doesn't hide your venom you know.

OP has been with her partner for three years, I think calling an eight year old her random son is just another example of mean spiritness.

She created it by taking her son. If you can’t arrange childcare the solution isn’t to take your child with you 😂

I think it was a "cow" you called her before?

You're not family yet. So many posters use SIL/BIL/MIL interchangeably when they are not married into the family - and it does make a difference.

I think, from what you've said, OP, you feel as if you're not part of the family. For your partner's side of the family that may well be how they feel and you'll have to accept that. I think your partner's sister overreacted. Yes, she told you several times and you did ignore that but I would have let it go for your son's sake. She didn't though and was entitled to feel that way.

Don't overstep. Even when you marry, it's not your place to decide what other people will and won't allow. You can choose whether or not to engage though.

Leave this to your partner to explain/excuse, it will blow over.

You didn't think it was a big deal because it wasn't. The wedding was over. You arranged childcare to attend this wedding, no doubt gave bride and groom a present, paid money to stay in the hotel...and they grudged your child a bit of breakfast. Let that sink in.

I agree with this. The usual posters (and it is always them) are really enjoying putting the boot in. Because that's what they do on any thread they can do it on.

OP humiliated herself after getting some plates and attempting to get food when she knew full well that her son wasn't invited because she had already been told his name wasn't on the list.

She could've told her husband she was nipping off to get her and her son some food but she didn't.

“Random son”

this is an actual child we are talking about here.

back to the eternal “but if he’s not blood he’s not faaaaaamily” brigade

At no point did I have a conscious thought that I was gatecrashing or trying to bag a free breakfast for my child.

This makes me wonder what else you have turned up to that you clearly weren't invited to?

Bride and groom sound unkind and bride/groomzillas. Wedding day absolutely but next morning, come on, who cares. They were joyless OP. I can understand why you were so upset. Brutes.

I assume you have been to a hotel breakfast where names are taken etc? This was in a private function room to the side it was clear it was paid for and that the OP sons was included in the payment.

Hotels can be very fussy about these things particularly one imagines guests trying to slide in those who haven’t paid at no point does any of the above seem to have factored into her thought process

So your DS isn’t DPs child and you’ve only lived together 1 year?

You were unreasonable to ask if he could go to the wedding and unreasonable to take him to the brunch. He was not invited or paid for. You come across as a CF.

I think it was really rude of the bride to kick him out. It’s only a brunch. I can see why you got upset - they don’t think of you as family.

Probably the hotel who have only been paid for say 100 people not 101.

Well I would have because paid per head.

Do you have a history of crashing private parties or trying to get freebies at your boyfriend's family's expense or not listening to their no or making scenes at events when you don't get your way? Your BF's sister sure seems to have your number.

Why you tried to enter a private brunch more than once is beyond me. Why you didn't feed your son after picking him up is beyond me. Why your boyfriend didn't check you after your first attempt to crash is beyond me. Using your son and embarrassing him was really out of order on your part.

FAFO.

OP, a very unfortunate situation which you misjudged.

However, she sheer ugliness of asking your child to leave is astounding.

Not in a million years would a decent person do this.

I fear for your son in this situation.
This is not a family to be involved with.

Your partner has made it clear this treatment of you is ok.

Do NOT have a child with him.
Do not bring a biological child into a dynamic like this.

They will other your son and make him feel like an unwanted outside that is not their family.

I wouldn't have done what you did but I absolutely believe you genuinely thought it wouldn't be a problem as their were other children there.

Only ugly people would feel the need to make such an unkind fuss.

Put your son first and rethink this situation.
He deserves better than you inflicting these people on him.
Nice decent kind people do not behave like this.

It was obvious that she isn't a kind accommodating person. I would have expected her to react badly, so I wouldn't have brought him to the event at all.

Your poor son. Don't bother with her again.

The SiL is fully entitled not to view the OP's son as family, and the OP can decide what to do with that information in future.

There’s a lot of meanness on this thread. Regardless of the rights or wrongs of what OP did the bottom line is the bride wouldn’t let an eight year old eat any of the following day’s buffet breakfast. I’d have put extra on my plate and let him share mine (OP was allowed to eat).

What did the groom have to say about any of this?

I'm with the 95% of people who have voted, and most of the posts.

YWBVVVVVU.

I cannot fathom how you thought it would be appropriate to take anyone to an event they weren't invited to, that you had been rude enough to ask specifically if you could, even though they weren't invited, and then you STILL take him .
I feel sorry for your ds, not because he was stopped from going in, but because the poor lad was put into the situation by you.