Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

The next day? The wedding was over. It was a bit of breakfast, perspective. Anyone who would grudge someone a bit of breakfast, especially a child are not good people imo.

I would be fuming at you. How entitled!

It was wrong to bring him if he wasnt invited, but i think in the circumstances, the way you were humiliated about it was cruel.
Id feel so embarrassed. Probably wouldnt have anything to do with them again

it isn’t invited though is it. The hotel would have a list of names that the bride and groom had paid to have brunch and he wasn’t on it. The OP knows this because she was told it by the hotel and the brunch was in a private function room.
there was also a main breakfast area where non wedding guests were eating breakfast that I assume if asked the hotel would have happily let them sit if there was room and pay to have breakfast

it was set out clearly as a private event

It doesn't matter what you were thinking or that you would have done things differently. It was the Bride's request and her wedding day and you totally disrespected her. I think you knew what you were doing and thought you would chance it anyway. No means exactly that, it was a no to your child attending any part of the wedding. Your childcare is not her problem, it is yours. You should have sorted out childcare for all the parts of the wedding you were invited to or not attend at all.

But @DappledThings to the bride and groom it was part of the wedding. They had their ceremony, the reception which flowed into evening with no new guests and then the celebratory brunch. It is clear that there was an invited group of people to all of those elements of their wedding. The OP in her first post refers to the ‘brunch they had arranged’

I would like to hear what the partners sister has to say about the whole thing, you can just imagine the aibu

I would also like to know what hotel does brunch for two / three people for a tenner (op said that partner borrowed said £10 from his dad),

Hang on …

”brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner.”

why would your SIL ask him to go out to the lawn if you were in the lawn?!?! What you actually are trying not to say is you snuck him and yourself into the private dining room after being told no three teams !!! You are a serious CF and the playing the dumb I didn’t think is a load of bollocks you knew you just didn’t care

Your SIL understands your a Cf that’s why she politely asked your son to leave- you should have gone straight to the public dining room and waited for your partner or gone home

Nothing to apologise for

All down to his Mum.

The bride hasn’t made a scene according to what you have written. So just leave it and don’t mention or if on reflection you can see why it wasn’t ok apologise to her

But it wasn't over, that's the whole point, the brunch was part of the wedding

Shout it out for the folks at the back who haven't picked that up

The amount of food is beside the point, her son wasn't invited so he wasn't welcome to join a wedding meal. That had already been made clear to the OP so it was going against the flow of what had been agreed, and pretty bad manners. She had the option of taking him to the public breakfast room.

I think you're getting a hard time here OP- I agree YABU overall, but I do understand why you might have initially thought the brunch didn't count as the "child free wedding" part of things.

However, see it from your SIL's perspective- she organises a child free wedding, and tells you explicitly that your child is not invited. Then, you just turn up with him- you didn't ask her or warn her, you just rock up. By this point it's sort of irrelevant whether or not the brunch "counts" as part of the wedding or not- you've unilaterally decided to move the goalposts. Then when you are turned away as it is in a private room, you start crying.

Your argument that there was loads of food on the buffet going spare makes no sense. I can't walk into a premier inn tomorrow and start eating from the breakfast buffet without paying simply because there is food there. You should have paid for your child if you wanted him to eat, and honestly even then you'd have been pretty unreasonable to take him into the private room to do it.

You will need to apologise to her.

Really your partner should have asked his sister when you left to get your son if it was okay and then texted you to let you know either way.

Or asked as soon as you knew you had to collect your son by 9am.

I think saying the couple attempted to make it a private event the day after the wedding is a bit weird, it was obviously catered for by them, so it WAS part of their wedding essentially, if they are catering it would be for a set amount of people.. otherwise any old hotel guest could have walked in and helped themselves.

The hotel staff are paid to check who comes in and out, it's northing personal to OP, her son wasn't invited to the wedding so there was no reason he would be invited to another privately catered part of the wedding either.

OP could have taken him out for breakfast somewhere while waiting for her partner.. she chose to chance her arm (fair enough if she wasn't aware of the arrangements that morning), then she when she was aware she chose to sneak in anyway which caused a scene with the bride! Utterly cringeworthy for the sake of a free breakfast IMO.

Its possible they charge per head , some of these hotels prices are extortionate, I wouldn’t be very happy if I had explicitly said someone wasn’t invited and they showed up anyway, creating a somewhat awkward situation.
you mention she gently asked your child to go to the lawn with your partner,I don’t think she sounds like she handled the situation terribly. She could have let him stay, but like i said , we don’t know the situation with the hotel and charges etc. it would also be unfair to the other people she told not to bring children / piss them off.
hopefully in a few days you will look back on this and realise it wasn’t no harm meant, don’t blow things up any further

I think there is. She put the bride in an uncomfortable situation during part of her wedding celebrations by trying to shoehorn her son in where he'd been explicitly told he wasn't welcome or invited.

Someone crashed my actual wedding and meal.
I was a bit shocked but don’t evict them. That seems too much.

@Weddingbrunchcrasher I can see why you did it. You had to stay as you were picking your partner up.

of course you shouldn’t of taken him. It was still part of the private event he wasn’t invited too or paid for to have a plate.

YABVU. I would be fuming if I was your SIL. How much clearer did she need to be?! Your son wasn’t invited and as much as it may upset you it’s her wedding and she can invite who she wishes, to all parts of it. I can’t understand why you took your son back to the venue, but the moment you saw it was a closed function and his name wasn’t on the list you should have bowed out quietly and hoped nobody saw you. You should have just accepted that you miss the brunch. You leave to pick up your son and then your partner calls you when the brunch is finished and he needs picking up. Then you go and collect him.

How entitled you sound! You embarrassed not only yourself and partner but also your son. I hope you apologised afterwards but somehow, I doubt it.

Most weddings I have been to detail what part of the "package" (meaning every aspect from pre-wedding dinners, to post-wedding brunches) children might be allowed in if some elements are child-free. I think you were unreasonable bringing him in but if I were the bride I wouldn't ask him to leave.

Yes, I think the doors were opened from the room so people could use the outside area for seating/mingling and the OP got some plates and went to line up to get food with her son. They'd moved from the lawn to join the wedding party. I presume that the bride steered the son from the queue?

Dear God op what were you thinking?

It is a Shame they don't seem to see you or your son as family that's rough i expect relationships are now destroyed on both sides