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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

1000 replies

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 14:05

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It was probably some scrambled egg and bacon as it was the following morning. OP should have put extra on her plate and shared it with her son, that could have been a legitimate loophole.

Upsidedownsides · 14/04/2025 16:03

Pigsears · 14/04/2025 16:00

Did you know there was a brunch being out on as part of the 'after wedding'?

I would have declined the brunch invite in advance. To me, this would have shown her that you are respecting her wishes not to have DS there and also being considerate about numbers at the brunch. It also would give her an opening to say 'why don't you bring DS along'- although, I wouldn't expect this.

You should always seek permission to bring someone else along- never just turn up. But, imo, if someone screws up on this unwritten rule, then the polite thing to do from the host would be just to relent and include. Bear in mind, there may be cost implications or other issues with your son being present (eg certain children not being invited and setting a precedent).

You don’t have to be polite when someone repeatedly tramples on your boundaries. That’s just being a doormat.

I would think that given the OP repeatedly asked if their son could go and was told no, you would have to be quite strong about enforcing boundaries lest she ride roughshod over everything.

DappledThings · 14/04/2025 16:03

hopeishere · 14/04/2025 15:56

Did you feel the wedding was over and the brunch was a nice thing the next day not an actual part of the wedding?

It was exactly that. The wedding was over.

HunsandRoses · 14/04/2025 16:04

If this is real, and I'm skeptical because it seems like the OP keeps doubling down and stoking the fire (upset because she realised they don't see her has family got me very skeptical tbh) but if this is, then I really really would love to see the family WhatsApp chat now!

Bet its on fire 😂

satsumaqueen · 14/04/2025 16:05

AestheticallyChallenged · 14/04/2025 15:50

Oh no she should have let her son wander around town unaccompanied whilst she and her partner enjoyed the super wedding. And then when her son was abducted we could create a thread saying what a bad mother she is because she left her son alone and vulnerable. Or she should have sat quietly in a room with her son, like the second-class citizens the clearly are, whilst her partner did his duties as the bride's brother at the wedding ( which is what she did). Or perhaps the bride and groom were just thoughtless and rude for creating this awkward situation in the first place?

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You know there is another option right? And that was for the OP to collect her son and go home…

There was no need to bring him back to the hotel once she had already left. When you have children, you have to accept that you sometimes miss out on things.

Hoppinggreen · 14/04/2025 16:07

AestheticallyChallenged · 14/04/2025 15:50

Oh no she should have let her son wander around town unaccompanied whilst she and her partner enjoyed the super wedding. And then when her son was abducted we could create a thread saying what a bad mother she is because she left her son alone and vulnerable. Or she should have sat quietly in a room with her son, like the second-class citizens the clearly are, whilst her partner did his duties as the bride's brother at the wedding ( which is what she did). Or perhaps the bride and groom were just thoughtless and rude for creating this awkward situation in the first place?

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Bit drastic
Maybe she could have NOT gone to The Brunch instead?

PhilippaGeorgiou · 14/04/2025 16:07

The giveaway was that only the wedding party were at the brunch. The brunch that the OP said "they (the wedding group) had arranged". So she knew full well that the brunch was for wedding guests only, and that she had been told that her son was not invited.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 14/04/2025 16:07

I can acually understand picking him up and not realising the brunch was a closed event.

But honestly i cannot understand why when someone is manning a door and has a clipboard saying you can go in but your son can't you dont get that your son is not welcome.

At that point I'd have been annoyed but gone and got breakfast at tfe main restaurant or if they had exclusove hire I'd drive and leaving the venue to get some breakfast with my son.

I wouldn't hang around outside for ages then after the brunch ended nip in to make up plates because you were "starving" 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Your son is also old enough to be left for 5 mins to pop in and tell your dp your will be back in 2 hrs or whatever.

if for some reason that was impossible... your dp wasn't exactly going anywhere without you and someone else could have contacted you / had your number.

Honestly, Irrespective of your motives you owe SIL a sincere and heartfelt apology for bursting into tears at her wedding !!!

autisticbookworm · 14/04/2025 16:07

So was this a hotel brunch where there are other non wedding guests and everyone was paying for themselves? Ie a public venue? Or was this a private event paid for by the bride and groom.? If it’s the first they can’t decide who eats there. If it’s the second then yes it’s part of the wedding.

Your son wasn’t invited you should have respected that and not tried to push it. You have spoilt the occasion for the bride and groom. If you couldn’t get childcare you shouldn’t have attended and let your dp go alone.

pinkyredrose · 14/04/2025 16:09

AestheticallyChallenged · 14/04/2025 15:38

Actually what the bride and groom did was the height of bad manners. But maybe its because I'm a bit ancient that I think this and other posters don't.To expect her brother's partner to sit in another room with her son whilst her brother was with the wedding party is rude. The brother should have sat with his partner and stepson out of protest. But who would create a situation where their guests have to choose which family members to be with? Who deliberately excludes certain family members (unless they are horrid)? To expect a wedding guest ( partner of the brides brother) to absent themselves from a party because they have to supervise their child, like a second class citizen, that's rude! I can understand why the bride had to chuck the child out of a catered event (as they had probably only paid for a certain number) but she and the groom should not have allowed that circumstance to arise in the first place. Well things will be different when they have children/ stepchildren of their own, I expect. That said I would not have taken my child to the brunch because it was clear he wasn't invited ( and I'm a stickler for rules) but I would have been upset at the situation.

They didn't expect her to sit in another room with her son. They didn't expect him to be there full stop given that he wasn't invited!

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/04/2025 16:09

Oh OP I feel really sorry for the responses you have got on here. Gosh it was the next day why couldn’t the kid come in? I bet some folks were so hungover they didn’t even make it down to the brunch.

In my family and friends the kid would have been welcomed in. Various members of the family would have been offering to pay and or sneak food out if kids weren’t allowed in.

sounds like a boring uptight bunch to me. Are you sure your partner won’t become like this as he ages.

OP don’t worry you didn’t commit any crime. Personally I was hoping for a much more wild story of gate crashing and being kicked out but that’s just me.

Oioisavaloy27 · 14/04/2025 16:09

The hotel will have been paid per head and would have only provided enough food per head, taking food for her son could actually leave a guest that was invited without food. The hotel would also not be happy if they found out that people had sneaked in.

Tiswa · 14/04/2025 16:10

DappledThings · 14/04/2025 16:03

It was exactly that. The wedding was over.

Show quote history

Yes but hotel breakfast wasn’t!

Hotels tend to be
(a) very expensive for breakfast even if the offering is rubbish!
(b) very strict about who is let in

the hotel sounds fairly posh and clearly had the number of guests for whom the brunch was included written down

this isn’t about the bride or the wedding it is the OP walking into a private function and taking food - no decent hotel will let that happen!

StupidBoy · 14/04/2025 16:10

How exactly did op “make a scene!?!” The bride made a scene by throwing a tantrum and ordering an innocent 8yr d little boy to leave her wedding.

Tantrum? Where did you read about this tantrum? The OP clearly said:

'We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner.'

Some people really do struggle with basic comprehension don't they? Either that or they can't resist making up bits to the story as they go along, even though they weren't there.

Crackanut · 14/04/2025 16:11

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 15:22

Exactly! This pile on is vile and shows how selfish and lacking in empathy & common decency some people are. It saddens me.

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Some people are just so so rigid in their thinking that it must surely cause problems in real life. Do these people never just go with the flow sometimes? My DD works in a hotel at these type of functions, there is always left over food from buffets. Always. How much would an 8yo really have eaten anyway?

Tiswa · 14/04/2025 16:13

Crackanut · 14/04/2025 16:11

Some people are just so so rigid in their thinking that it must surely cause problems in real life. Do these people never just go with the flow sometimes? My DD works in a hotel at these type of functions, there is always left over food from buffets. Always. How much would an 8yo really have eaten anyway?

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So ask the hotel? They had already said no and it was a separate queue to the main breakfast area.

the OP could have easily asked in the main area if it was ok to pay for breakfast for her son and done so rather than go into a private function room.

She could have asked the bride who could have said to the hotel do you mind if he comes in and eats some of the food.

but she didn’t - she went in and took the food through the door into the garden (rather than the main entrance) and took food that way

Flossflower · 14/04/2025 16:15

Hotandbothered222 · 14/04/2025 15:43

So how exactly did you think it would be paid for? You haven’t given a solution that involves you paying!

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If OP stayed at the hotel overnight, it could have been breakfast in with b and b rate.

OfNoOne · 14/04/2025 16:16

You were told your son wasn't invited. How can it have come as a surprise when that meant he wasn't invited? It's not a difficult concept.

Crackanut · 14/04/2025 16:16

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 14/04/2025 15:23

So what if everyone brought a waif and stray and you then ran out of food for your mum/grandad/nephew. I don't think you would be so zen then

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A waif and stray? 😮Fuuuucking hell.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/04/2025 16:17

Surely the obvious thing to do was to go home or elsewhere to have breakfast with your son, and then go and collect your partner when it was all over?

Even if you thought it was quite mean not to invite your son, it was their choice. You managed to ask them about whether your son could come to the wedding but didn’t think to ask the re the brunch the next day? Is that because you knew you’d be told no, but banked on them not having the guts to confront you once your child was there?

This must have been horrible for your son, and easily preventable.

I have skimmed the thread and read all your replies but it doesn’t seem to answer this, other than saying “I didn’t think it would be a problem” - but having had “no” already to your other requests, surely there was every chance it would be.

And yes, an 8 yo might not eat loads but there had to be a line. Imagine if everyone brought in an uninvited guest.

TeenLifeMum · 14/04/2025 16:17

How many times do you usually need to be told no before accepting that? They weren’t “precious”, they were very clear and you went against their wishes. Very bizarre thought process.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 14/04/2025 16:17

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 15:16

How exactly did op “make a scene!?!” The bride made a scene by throwing a tantrum and ordering an innocent 8yr d little boy to leave her wedding.

OP ignore the pile on. It’s the Easter holidays so lots of mums are stuck at home and gasping for a MN pile on. I also think a lot of people have misunderstood that it was the next day that you brought your son there, NOT on the wedding day. Speaks volumes for today’s average reading comprehension

Edited
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The bride "gently" asked the boy to go to the lawn with his father. The OP cried and made an MN post. You're one of very few people struggling to correctly identify which one was making a scene, so I'd say reading comprehension is generally fine.

Pigsears · 14/04/2025 16:18

Upsidedownsides · 14/04/2025 16:03

You don’t have to be polite when someone repeatedly tramples on your boundaries. That’s just being a doormat.

I would think that given the OP repeatedly asked if their son could go and was told no, you would have to be quite strong about enforcing boundaries lest she ride roughshod over everything.

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It's not being a doormat.

I think OP made the wrong decision- and I wouldn't make the same call- and I'm sensing that you wouldn't either. But not everyone understands or gets things like this. OP repeatedly has said she didn't know she was doing anything wrong.... I'm taking her at her word. So with the info I have, I do think the polite thing to do would be to let it go, let the kid in. I'm also close to my siblings - which is colouring my decision. The bride saw it differently - and she clearly has more background knowledge of the whole day and situation.

DappledThings · 14/04/2025 16:18

OfNoOne · 14/04/2025 16:16

You were told your son wasn't invited. How can it have come as a surprise when that meant he wasn't invited? It's not a difficult concept.

He wasn't invited to the wedding. This was the day after the wedding. Where it's bizarre for someone to need to be invited. OP didn't handle it brilliantly but she was not surprisingly thrown by the couple's attempt to make the day after a private event like it was still part of the wedding

2JFDIYOLO · 14/04/2025 16:19

Yes, YABU

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