Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

Can you explain your thought process that got you from being told that your son wasn't included to getting him food from the event he wasn't invited to?

Maybe we're all missing a vital element

He didn't walk in. His mother took him in knowing he wasn't invited. What a terrible way to treat your own child.

You were massively self entitled. You owed sil a HUGE apology

You asked, she said no. They wouldn't let you in cos your sons name was down. You deliberately chose to ignore the fact you were told no on several occasions.

You could have easily gone and eaten elsewhere in the hotel

Were you paying for it?

No?

Then there's your answer

Oh btw op your saying it was a next day brunch yet on your opening post the headline reads as you gate crashed wedding brunch..........

I wouldn’t have thought they’d be so precious either as it was the next day.

OP I can see where you’re coming from in not thinking it would be an issue but also can see that the bride is probably a stickler for her rules. How is your relationship with her generally? I’d not be bothering with her in the future. I don’t like mean spirited people around kids.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in.

So at that point, you realised the brunch was guest list only, right?

I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in. Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates.

So in spite of being told that he was not allowed into the invite-only brunch, you basically waited until you could take him into the garden area then feed him from the invite only buffet anyway? Which bit of 'not invited' did you not understand? The brass neck of getting him a plate after being told no at the door...I'm just embarrassed for you.

The bride and groom would have given the hotel numbers to cater for. The hotel would not take kindly to extra people sneaking in via the garden and helping themselves to food if they are not on the guest list. Surely you understand that? You put the bride in an awkward position.

Can you imagine how that child was made to feel all because his mother could not accept a no?

This is cringe-tastic

Well you've a brass neck on you, I'll give you that!

The moment the hotel staff refused your son entrance, harsh as it may have seemed, was the moment you should have withdrawn elsewhere (ie the public restaurant) to wait for your partner.

I've got a bit of second hand embarrassment, mainly on behalf of your son though, which is a bit sad 😥

it wasn't clear until she got there....so by your own admission once she did get there it WAS clear?

i.e., once someone had literally checked a guest list and told her her son couldn't come in because it was a private event?
you don't have to be sherlock holmes to somehow interpret that subtle clue.

Even if you accept that OP might not have realised the post-wedding brunch was also a private event (although she clearly DID know that there was a further wedding-related event happening in the morning, or she and her partner would have just all left the same time and she wouldn't have bothered picking up her son and then going back, so who did she think was paying for it? The hotel out of the goodness of their hearts?) beforehand

once she was specifically told it was one, she should have just waited for her DP and then left. Or asked a member of staff to go and find her DP to tell him she was waiting outside. Or left her son to find him herself (he's 8 years old standing in a hotel for two minutes, it's hardly a danger zone). Or paid for her and her son to have breakfast in the public area. Or gone home and come back for DP/let him make his own way home.

Literally any other option than sneaking in once the staff weren't able to control entry and trying to steal food she had specifically been told she was not entitled to!

Oh no she should have let her son wander around town unaccompanied whilst she and her partner enjoyed the super wedding. And then when her son was abducted we could create a thread saying what a bad mother she is because she left her son alone and vulnerable. Or she should have sat quietly in a room with her son, like the second-class citizens the clearly are, whilst her partner did his duties as the bride's brother at the wedding ( which is what she did). Or perhaps the bride and groom were just thoughtless and rude for creating this awkward situation in the first place?

To the people who don’t understand - the brunch was PART of the wedding. Just because it was the day after doesn’t mean that it isn’t still the wedding. That’s like saying anyone can come to the rehearsal wedding because it’s the not the wedding day 😂

A wedding brunch the day after the wedding can be considered part of the wedding, it’s a way to extend the celebration, thank guests for attending, and allow for more casual and relaxed interactions.

This cannot be real, but it’s making me laugh a lot

Why didn't you pick up your son, go home, have breakfast and a nice morning, having asked your partner to text you when he needed a ride home. Or better still, let him make his own way? All of this could have been avoided, and now you are persona non grata with his family.

I very genuinely did not try to emotionally blackmail her. I was told no about the wedding and he didn’t go. I didn’t think the brunch would matter.

I see logically I took him to a private event but I wasn’t thinking straight.

I categorically did not cause a scene, I cried at a table in front of my partner and son privately.

Clearly these are children the bride and groom are blood-related to and/or have close relationships with. How well do you really know the bride and groom, and how well do they know your son? You may have been with your partner for a whole year, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not long at all, and certainly not to people outside of your relationship.

You were unreasonable, OP.

I can’t explain my thought process.

Or she could've just taken him home, skipped the brunch?

Doesn’t sound very casual and relaxed.

Have you unreservedly apologised?

Another self entitled person, how about mother looks after the child rather than putting herself first?

But it was a private room where the bride abd groom had paid a certain amount per head for people to enjoy a breakfast.

@Weddingbrunchcrasher it would be the hotel would potentially would be precious about an unpaid for person eating food and could potentially force the bride into paying more.

By all accounts you say she was gentle with it and not rude because all the things you say it had never occurred to you she wouldn’t object to aren’t for her to object to it is the hotel.

and that is the bit that you seem not to grasp that she had paid for a number of guests which the hotel was marking in and out and only allowing invited guests who had been paid for in. It is them who presumably did not want anyone just turning up and eating food they haven’t paid for? As I said would you turn up at a buffet and try to get a free meal?

What derogatory, misogynist name would you have called the groom in this case

Is this normal behaviour for you OP? Do you find it hard hearing what's actually being said rather than hearing what you want to hear?

It was a private function. End of. The proximity to the vows doesn't factor in.

I'm sure SIL will be so...devastated at the loss of a CF and her random son who can't Control themselves in public.