Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

You shouldn't have gone . You didn't have suitable childcare. And you definitely should have put your child first instead of yourself and your partner.
Just hoping your child would get breakfast shows how much of an after thought his needs are .
Then upsetting him and making him cry because you didn't get your own way .
Mental behaviour

I have lived with my partner for a year having dated him for two years before. We plan to marry when we have done up the house.

I accept fully that I took an uninvited 8 year old to a private function but I did not think that they would be so precious about a brunch the day after their wedding.

At no point did I have a conscious thought that I was gatecrashing or trying to bag a free breakfast for my child.

I admit I didn’t think but that is very different from consciously trying to get one over on the bride.

I wouldn’t leave him in the reception on his own so went onto the lawn. It never occurred to me that she would object to the 8 year her brother lives with having something off the table at s brunch.

it would never occur to me to approach my partner’s Dad who paid With a tenner so my 8 year old could have a sausage and a slice of melon from a heaving sideboard of food.

I think I cried because there was a realisation that we weren’t considered family.

Of course I would want my child with me at a wedding not least because of the logistics but I didn’t gatecrash the brunch the following day in order to get one over on them or bag a sausage.

Presumably, you had a phone and your partner had a phone. You could have just rung him and said we are here in the car, or he could have made his own way home.
This wasn't fair on your son. Or your partner if he didn't know you were going to do this.
edited as just saw yr update.
I don't think its a question of not thinking of you as family. Other family children were also not invited. You've only been together a year which isn't that long to get to know people. You were invited as plus one but it was a child free wedding and would have caused problems with other family parents?

Hilarious. This can’t be real as the blind arrogance is outstanding. Don’t worry, I’m sure you won’t be invited to much in future. And to people saying what’s the big deal, you have to make difficult decisions about the guest list - perhaps the bride had friends who have children (that she adores) who weren’t invited and wanted to be consistent with them.

There is no way on earth I would treat my sibling’s partner’s children like this.

Well this is what it all boils down to, isn’t it? Your nose is well and truly out of joint about this and you were determined to find a way of a) demonstrating your annoyance and b) taking your revenge. All the excuse-making is just that.

We only had one car. I needed to collect my partner.

Which you could have done at a time the brunch would be likely to have finished. That way you could have fed your son at home and he wouldn’t have been “staaaaarving!”, meaning you just had to take him into the brunch. Two problems solved instantly. Yet you deliberately drove there at a time you knew this brunch would still be underway. Why could you possibly have done that?

It became clear when she couldn't get her son into the private room. She should have went to get breakfast elsewhere not waited then tried to get son food. Either it was bride and groom wishes or hotel policy that nobody could be added. Regardless OP should not have tried to get food from that brunch and should have left the venue with son and got him fed.

This thread has descended into ridiculousness now, is no one reading what actually happened?

So what if youve never heard of it, it was made clear to the OP that her son wasn't invited but she got food for him anyway.
Even if you've never come across it surely you understand the concept of a guest list.

I accept fully that I took an uninvited 8 year old to a private function but I did not think that they would be so precious about a brunch the day after their wedding.
I totally get this. I'm astounded anyone would be so precious about something that wasn't even the wedding anyway but weddings can often bring out the worst in people. They don't sound very pleasant.

Exactly, I have been to child free weddings where a non invited child has stayed, with a grandparent, at the wedding hotel as a general hotel guest. They were at breakfast the next day.

I accept fully that I took an uninvited 8 year old to a private function but I did not think that they would be so precious about a brunch the day after their wedding.

when you’re sorry but not sorry 😂

But when she found out, why didn’t she go and sit in the public restaurant? Why didn’t she wait for an opening to sneak into the room and grab her son a plate?

OP I don't get how you weren't consciously aware that you were gatecrashing when you saw that it was a per head event and your DS wasn't on the list and then despite being refused entry you still snuck in and tried to give him food. I'm trying to think of a kind way to say this but it honestly makes me question how good a grasp on reality you have.

So you criticise the reading comprehension of other posters then quote a "wall of text" that you're not prepared to read... 🙄

So how exactly did you think it would be paid for? You haven’t given a solution that involves you paying!

So what was your motivation for gate crashing the brunch, as you did do that.

I wouldn't be expecting any invitations to future family events any time soon.

What part of No did you not get? That is embarrassing not only have you embarrassed yourself you have embarrassed his sister, you have a lot of grovelling to do.

You were very clearly told that your son's name wasn't on the list and turned away and you still attempted to get in to 'grab a plate'.

Why couldn't you just buy your son breakfast instead of making all of this fuss?

It's fine, at least all the family know that on Christmas Day and for other such occasions the ops home is open to everyone and anyone who wants to go and be fed! Come one, come all waifs and strays! Everyone welcome, noone one needs an invite!

Perhaps your partner’s sister doesn’t like you? Just a thought

I don’t think it’s the money op - or maybe that’s part of it - but it’s the bride and grooms celebration with who they want to celebrate with and that’s not up to you overwrite that - regardless of how precious you think your son is

*I accept fully that I took an uninvited 8 year old to a private function but I did not think that they would be so precious about a brunch the day after their wedding.

The hotel probably charges per head and your SIL doesn’t want the hotel to think she’s a cf and squeezing in an extra person.

You should have text your partner that you were in the carpark and ask if he could nab something for your son on the way out.

That would have been a better move overall but given it had already spilled out onto the public lawn as well I can't see why it's behaviour that's anywhere deserving of such criticism.

The only person creating this situation was the OP though. As you note, the child was not invited. She turned up with him anyway and created the situation where her boyfriend had to decide to sit with her or stay at the post wedding brunch, to which they had been invited. It was OP's responsibility to organise appropriate childcare which would cover the entire duration, not until only 9am and then rock up back at the venue with him. Not the bride's problem to solve. No family members were excluded (your brother's current girlfriend's son is not a family member).

OP was told no 3 times by the Bride and ignored it anyway and has also been told by around 90% of people here that she was wrong and she still won't have it
Got to admire that level of tenacity

She probably doesn't now.