Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

OP went “to get plates“.

Most people aren’t particularly keen on walking around with empty plates… Op clearly meant to put food on said plates. And the food was obviously meant to be eaten by OP and her son.

What were you crying for? To make it all about you? You’d been told no. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices where kids are concerned. You should have gone home after you’d picked up your son.

This wasn't the wedding, it was the day after. Not unreasonable to have brought him

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

No one believes this, OP. You knew he was unwelcome. You pushed in and tried to serve him food after being told at the door his name wasn’t on the list and he was not welcome to the event. You embarrassed your son and yourself and have soured things with your partners family. Well done.

The best thing you can do not is reach out and apologise. Do not, at any point, add a “but I thought” or “I am upset” - it’s not about you. You were told very clearly and you did what you wanted anyway. You wanted your son included and made sure he could be. You called their bluff on asking him to leave. You tried to play power games and lost, then you cried because you were upset. You are the problem. Apologise genuinely or leave these people alone to form whatever opinions of you they will have from this.

Yes you were unreasonable. You asked if your son was invited, you were told no, you STILL took him.

I would be fuming if someone bought along an uninvited guest to my wedding and even more angry if they bought them along even after me confirming to them the person wasn’t invited.

To an invite only private event in a private room? I’m really confused as to why you think that’s ok… what does the day have to do with it?

Come on op, you were told no on numerous occasions. Why couldn't you just let it go? Your behaviour was annoying imo. I feel bad you put the bride in that position.

fair enough, it's very obvious that reading isn't a strength of yours...

How long have you been with your partner? Clearly she doesn't see either of her brother's step children / children of their current partners as family. Rightly or wrongly, they were not invited and that's all there is to it. You asked and you were told no. I don't understand why you think it was okay to sneak him in to the brunch, having been told he wasn't welcome to come to the wedding itself. embarrassing. At the point you needed to leave to collect your son in the morning, you should have just taken him home and either gone back later to collect your partner or let him make his own way home.

But it's not about what you would do as the bride, would you knowingly take your child to something that you knew they weren't invited to and think you'd behaved correctly?

My comment was full of fat finger autocorrects, so well done for wading through it! Good point. I generally find these posts incomprehensible, but that’s because I find the OP’s bridezilla SiL incomprehensible mean spirited. My view is that for a wedding to be a truly joyful celebration, everyone needs to be able to relax and enjoy the day. That means arranging a wedding that fits with the needs of your necessary guest list. That guest list always includes babes in arms and children within the close family of both bride and groom.

always remember a friend who insisted on inviting her maternal uncle. The black sheep of the family. Her mother said he didn’t deserve an invitation. He’d spoil the day by drinking too much and being rude. He didn’t. He was utterly charming and it healed a deep family rift. Too often, brides seem to set about creating family rifts with hurtful guest lists that exclude a sibling’s spouse, child or step-child in an uneven manner. I think it reflects badly on them.

You mean random children that mean nothing to her?

Doesn't matter. It was clearly an invitation only event. You don't just bring along another person because you feel like it.

Jesus 😂

Good for your SIL for not choosing to accommodate your cheeky fuckery. You tried your luck thinking she would bow to emotional blackmail and not make things awkward for you, despite the fact that she had clearly communicated to you that your son wasn’t invited.

This ^

It was a private function. No need to be so rude about people who've pointed that out.

Because it wasn't clear until she got there it was a private event stretching the exclusive wedding bit out that far. Plenty of people stay over at hotels for weddings together and have breakfast together. Never known anyone pretentious enough to make that a further invitation only bit of the wedding so it wouldn't have occurred to me it was going to be in a separate room and all that malarkey.

you still haven't explained what you actually meant in relation to what capacity OP should have been invited in?

Actually what the bride and groom did was the height of bad manners. But maybe its because I'm a bit ancient that I think this and other posters don't.To expect her brother's partner to sit in another room with her son whilst her brother was with the wedding party is rude. The brother should have sat with his partner and stepson out of protest. But who would create a situation where their guests have to choose which family members to be with? Who deliberately excludes certain family members (unless they are horrid)? To expect a wedding guest ( partner of the brides brother) to absent themselves from a party because they have to supervise their child, like a second class citizen, that's rude! I can understand why the bride had to chuck the child out of a catered event (as they had probably only paid for a certain number) but she and the groom should not have allowed that circumstance to arise in the first place. Well things will be different when they have children/ stepchildren of their own, I expect. That said I would not have taken my child to the brunch because it was clear he wasn't invited ( and I'm a stickler for rules) but I would have been upset at the situation.

You know full well what you were doing, you just didn't expect to be pulled up on it.

Of course you were unreasonable, as soon as you were told (again) that your son wasn't invited, you should've left to get the poor kid some food instead of in your own words, crashing the wedding brunch.

I think the next day it is actually quite reasonable to expect your child is at least allowed to be in the company of their parents/parent’s partner. I would have asked first if it was ok to get food for my son rather than help myself but I don’t think his presence there should be such a shocking horror as it is to some on here. It was hardly crime of the century to have an eight year old in the vicinty.

Even if it wasn’t clear when she arrived and tried to go into the private area for free breakfast once, she was politely told by the staff at that point that it was invitation only. That was her cue to take DS to the main dining area and buy him some food and then go for a walk of the grounds or something. She didn’t do that, she waited until she saw invited guests leaving and then tried to sneak back into the private area again to get the free food she’d already been told wasn’t for non-guests, hoping that the couple would feel too awkward to say anything, at which point her boyfriend’s sister had to come over herself to tell them again what they’d already been told shortly beforehand. That’s not a mistake because it “wasn’t clear”, that’s brazenness.

Absolutely! The weddingbrunchcrasherbride should be held up as a stalwart in facing down cheeky fucker 'family' who just don't accept that their little darlings aren't on the invite list no matter how entitled the parents are!!

I’d be looking at it too if I was OP. I wouldn’t want to be part of a family that throws a child out over a breakfast.