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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a stroppy princess?

281 replies

Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 08:39

I’m very happy to be told IABU…

I went through a divorce 4 years ago. Following divorce, I sold my large 5bed family home (very sad) downsized and bought a small new build on my own (with my children). It’s lovely, just on the small side.

Since then, I have climbed the career ladder and I earn very very well. I can afford the mortgage easily now and things are comfortable.

My partner (of 3 years) moved in with me, 18 months ago to my house and sold his. He pays a good contribution towards bills etc (I have no complaints on this, he’s very lovely, generous, buys food etc)

We are all blissfully living happily together. However I do feel a bit squashed in here and have the desire to move in 2-3 years, pool our finances and buy something together. (He also has a son, so there are 5 of us living together in this small new build house)

It’s a nice house, but it feels very busy and gets messy quickly with 3 children.

Partner has no desire to move house. But I feel disappointed that 5 years ago I was living in a very comfortable 5 bedroom with lots of space and garden and now I feel so squashed into a 3 bed new build.

We could get a joined mortgage and easily afford something bigger. But he says he doesn’t want to move again and it’s comfortable here.
I feel like I am being a bit of a princess… This house size wise was fine with myself and two kids. But now there are 5 of us… it fees claustrophobic.

AIBU to say that we need to consider moving. Not urgently, but in the next couple of years at least?

Am I being a stroppy princess?
Perhaps he just doesn’t see a future with me so doesn’t want to tie himself in? (I don’t think this is the case…)

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 14/04/2025 14:47

FortyElephants · 14/04/2025 09:04

He shouldn't have moved into her home if he felt that way!

Show quote history

Let’s think about why he done that…🤔

IOSTT · 14/04/2025 14:50

OP, have you seen evidence of the house your DP sold, or evidence of his high earning job? The fact he is not focussed on/ working towards his own son’s financial stability is a red flag. Are there other instance of your DP putting himself first? eg not sharing housework, cooking etc. If so, he is showing you he expects you to do all the hard work - and that will get worse as the years pass

tuvamoodyson · 14/04/2025 14:57

Momtotwokids · 14/04/2025 13:00

Why do so many of you hate men. She isn't asking if she should stay with him just should she buy a bigger house. He pays also but that isn't enough.

I absolutely do not hate men!! Not at all…but I’m nobody’s fool!

catin8oot5 · 14/04/2025 15:02

Ah. Yet another woman putting their need for dick over the needs of their children. Live separately ffs.

maudlinbrassmonkey · 14/04/2025 15:06

catin8oot5 · 14/04/2025 15:02

Ah. Yet another woman putting their need for dick over the needs of their children. Live separately ffs.

Exactly. I’m not so sure her daughters would describe their set up as “blissfully happy” following this strange man and his son moving in. I remember when I was a child if a man so much as looked at or spoke to my (single) mum I would be wishing him death! I felt very possessive of her.

AprilBunny · 14/04/2025 15:10

Could you afford to buy a decent 4 bedroom on your own, if so this is an option?

Maybe he has bad credit and is worried about applying for a mortgage.

Themeeel · 14/04/2025 15:10

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BatchCookBabe · 14/04/2025 15:11

catin8oot5 · 14/04/2025 15:02

Ah. Yet another woman putting their need for dick over the needs of their children. Live separately ffs.

I know a few women like this. One lives in my street. Got a small child around 3.5 years old, and has had 4 different men living with her since the child was born. (Current one moved in in January this year.) NONE of them is the child's father. He fucked off when she was pregnant and has not been seen since.

They have all lived with her for between 3 and 6 months, and the 4th one who has been there 3 months is living with her now, 15 years younger than her, no job, never worked, total cocklodger. But he does her garden for her, and jobs around her house, and she has a shag on tap, and a babysitter for when she wants to go out clubbing with mates. I genuinely worry about the child TBH.

Themeeel · 14/04/2025 15:12

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Twinkletoes10 · 14/04/2025 15:44

It's not really up to him with it being your house. I think you should go for it regardless of what he thinks.

Eeljel · 15/04/2025 06:50

Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 10:25

I guess you probably have a lovely husband and children that all live together. I mean, yeah that’s the dream isn’t it. But that’s not how life pans out for a huge majority of families.

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I am divorced
single mother of two children

moving in a man and his son in to your small new build after 18 months of dating was presumably a decision you made of your own free will and wasn’t something that just “panned out” without any input from you?

notacooldad · 15/04/2025 07:10

Could you afford to buy a decent 4 bedroom on your own, if so this is an option?
But she would be buying a bigger house to accommodate a bloke and his kid when she has a perfectly good house for her and her children and he doesn't want it so presumably he won't want the extra cost. The financial burden will be on her then.

Upsidedownsides · 15/04/2025 07:35

notacooldad · 15/04/2025 07:10

Could you afford to buy a decent 4 bedroom on your own, if so this is an option?
But she would be buying a bigger house to accommodate a bloke and his kid when she has a perfectly good house for her and her children and he doesn't want it so presumably he won't want the extra cost. The financial burden will be on her then.

But she would get the growth from the house price and do better in the long term.

His money in the bank is gradually losing buying power in the housing market, so in reality he is financially losing out here.

I think 18 months of living together is too soon to buy a property together, particularly if you have had a previous relationship fall apart. His money would be tied up in her house until it could be sold-which would give him conservatively 6 months of tied up capital and responsibility for those mortgage payments which could make getting another place for him and his son tricky.

Eeljel · 15/04/2025 08:10

His money in the bank

The OP hasn’t said anything what he’s done with the money or indeed whether there actually is any money he has

BlondeMummyto1 · 15/04/2025 10:11

maudlinbrassmonkey · 14/04/2025 15:06

Exactly. I’m not so sure her daughters would describe their set up as “blissfully happy” following this strange man and his son moving in. I remember when I was a child if a man so much as looked at or spoke to my (single) mum I would be wishing him death! I felt very possessive of her.

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Jeezzzz!! Are single mums supposed to be on their own forever?

BlondeMummyto1 · 15/04/2025 10:12

BatchCookBabe · 14/04/2025 15:11

I know a few women like this. One lives in my street. Got a small child around 3.5 years old, and has had 4 different men living with her since the child was born. (Current one moved in in January this year.) NONE of them is the child's father. He fucked off when she was pregnant and has not been seen since.

They have all lived with her for between 3 and 6 months, and the 4th one who has been there 3 months is living with her now, 15 years younger than her, no job, never worked, total cocklodger. But he does her garden for her, and jobs around her house, and she has a shag on tap, and a babysitter for when she wants to go out clubbing with mates. I genuinely worry about the child TBH.

Show quote history

Very strange to be so invested in a strangers life.

Original poster
Namechangeprofessional · 15/04/2025 11:54

Some of these comments are so assumptive they are hilarious.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 15/04/2025 12:17

OP no you are not being a stroppy princess. Blending families is no joke especially as they get older, are opposite sex and all need their own space for friends etc too. If he doesn’t want to provide some capital as part of the deposit for a new house then you just tell him it’s happening. This is your asset and you need to provide for your DC longer term by getting a maximum return on your capital/buying a bigger home for the lifestyle.

it’s actually not his decision. It’s yours and it’s about your DCs future. So just tell him.

Hankunamatata · 15/04/2025 12:23

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable.

In your situation I would keep property just in your name. If you can afford to size up by yourself I would do that. Or extend current property

TooMuchRedMaybe · 15/04/2025 12:27

Namechangeprofessional · 15/04/2025 11:54

Some of these comments are so assumptive they are hilarious.

We can only go by the information you have provided. If we have got it wrong then give more info so we can stop being hilarious and maybe useful instead.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/04/2025 12:41

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 14/04/2025 12:45

I wouldn’t be buying a bigger house with only myself on the mortgage and letting him have the same arrangement he has now. I think you need to have a frank conversation about your future, if he envisages it as long term then he needs to commit to you financially, otherwise he is just taking the piss.

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I think the opposite. If he isn’t prepared to commit to you financially I think you are wise to prioritise your own financial future. Invest in a bigger property yourself. Let him fund that with his contributions, with none of the financial benefits when the house increases in value. It’s a win win for you.

PhatGurlSlim · 15/04/2025 13:13

He has it really cushty. He has a woman to help raise his dc with no real commitment apart from living with you and contributing to bills. You would be shocked to know how some (really lovely) people think once they have children. I witnessed someone stick out a relationship because they needed help with raising their child. Once the child reached 18 and went to uni that was it. They were off. Put your kids and yourself first. He has.

neverbeenskiing · 15/04/2025 13:25

I don't think you're being a "princess" at all. But the problem is that this all should have been discussed and resolved before he and his child moved in with you! You seem want different things, or at least have different ideas about pooling finances and what your shared future looks like. I can't understand why you wouldn't thrash all of that out before moving someone in, especially when there are children involved. You've said "maybe" he doesn't want to tie himself to you financially, but you "think" he's in it for the long haul etc. There seem to be a lot of unanswered questions.

Squidtheme · 15/04/2025 14:22

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RhaenysRocks · 15/04/2025 15:24

MojoMoon · 14/04/2025 09:02

After one divorce, why do you want to tie yourself financially to another man?

You are earning more now. If you want to move, do so on your own resources. Maintain your financial independence and don't make your living situation dependent on another man.

If you insist on doing so, please make sure you get independent legal advice before buying with him to protect your assets - and to potentially prevent your children having to move again if the relationship breaks down. They'd almost certainly rather be in a smaller home than have that disruption.

Definitely this. After my divorce and all the upheaval I promised myself I'd not be in that position again. I have a relationship that is a decade old but we maintain our own space and finances. Only when my kids are independent and established would I even consider cohabiting again.