People that shout "THANK YOU!" to those that don't say it

[tvchoice]

Why do you do so?
Personally, if I hold a door or let someone through and they don't acknowledge and thank me, I don't let it bother me and simply get on with my day. The reason for this is I quite honestly couldn't care less how a total stranger behaves towards me, within reason of course, because they are exactly that. A stranger that means nothing to me.
Therefore, if they don't say thank you, it doesn't matter enough for me to need to react to it, but for many others, they have a different mindset. Help me understand! Why is this?
Surely someone would need to be important to you for their behaviour to affect you enough to react to it?

It’s just rude to make a fuss that you weren’t thanked.

I’m sure your Dad was a stickler, and that you always thank people; but some people misunderstand the basis for manners and think of it as something transactional. If you really have good manners, you will use them and not lose the plot because someone else hasn’t been as well-trained.

Exactly.

I won’t say thank you and correct someones lack of manners but I will say ‘you're welcome’ if they don’t say anything to acknowledge their lack of manners.

Outrageous and usually unhelpful passive aggressive behavior, shouting unsolicited thank yous at people. But equally, I reserve the right to do it if absolutely necessary.

Sometimes people are distracted and didn't mean to be rude. I remember in Tesco when a lady waited for me to walk by the side of the car parking space. I'd just lost my Dad and didn't know what I was doing zoned out and didn't say thank you. She shouted at me "manners cost nothing" and "thank you" quite sarcastically. I walked over and said "I'm sorry, I'm bereaved and perhaps be a bit nicer next time!" I would never dream if not saying thank you to another car driver etc but just let it go, most people will thank you.

I recall an Ofsted back in my working days, I was about 15m behind two reprobates on the corridor, the Ofsted posse were coming the other way and there was a set of doors between them. As the boys reached the doors they were like guardsmen outside Buck House, they stood to attention and each took a door and held it open for the Ofsted lot. As I caught up with them later I complimented them on this and the said Pity they didn't even say Thank you!

Those who don’t say thank you may be rude, or they may never have been taught it, or they may be from a different culture/language, or they may be mute, or they may be distracted or distressed and simply have forgotten.

It surprises me that people think it’s okay to correct others that they don’t know.

In my opinion, truly polite and well mannered people know that it’s not their business to judge and correct others, with the obvious exception of their own children, or other people they are expected to educate for some reason.

Really, I think the world has forgotten what good manners and tolerance are.

Good for you.
I have spent my life giving way to people on pavements, I was fit and agile, it was easy to skirt round the ignorant.
Now I am awaiting an op on my leg and use a stick. I have no intention, even if I was able to, to be the one to sidestep out of the way of people barging through.
So...like you, I just stop dead, and funnily enough, everyone, so far, has had the grace to fall back, unhold hands, and generally, act with a bit of consideration.

How’s that different though?

If anything, it’s even more passive aggressive than saying:” did you not notice my excellent manners? Shame you aren’t as classy as me and I really want you to notice and feel that I’m judging you for that. I wasn’t actually holding it open because that’s just who I am and what I do regardless; I did it to get thanks and acknowledgement and if I DON’T get it, I’m going to try my best to make you feel shit about that.”

When I was pregnant I got road rage (never normally do), and used to wind down my window and stick my head out to scream ‘THANK YOU!’ to anyone who didn’t hold their hand up or otherwise acknowledge me in this situation. We lived in a narrow street with cars parked either side making it single lane, so this would happen frequently. I was spoiling for a fight with those pregnancy hormones. Almost disappointed when no one responded.

And maybe, because so many accept public bad manners, that's the reason why it's happening more and more.

Classy! 🤣

Are you not overthinking this a bit?😆

I think the ego centric nature of this reply shows how ‘THANK YOU’ shouters think.

In reality, most people who don’t say thank you probably haven’t really registered that someone was opening a door. They were too caught up in whatever was happening in their lives. They aren’t having any thoughts of being better than anyone else at all.

Besides, you aren’t conveying that you have better manners by seeking to publicly belittle a stranger.

Don’t think so.

It’s pretty basic that good manners never demand anything in return.

I think its a big jump tp say someone doesn't have basic manners because they didnt say thank you in the 2 second interaction you have with them. You might not have heard them. They might have social anxiety. They might be distracted or have other shit going on. I reckon it's better to focus on our own behaviour before we chastise other people unless they really negatively impact us. I also find that people only make snide comments to people they aren't intimidated by. No one would ever say boo to my H because he's gigantic, covered in tattoos and has gold teeth.

Basic manners to say thank you - it annoys me I am afraid- Ie crossing zebra crossing- I always wave to say thank you for stopping for me - I seem to be a rarity these days!

I saw an elderly woman doing this a few years ago. She said to an ignorant bloke "WHAT DO YOU SAY?!" just like he was a kid. In fairness she was old enough to be his mother and he did looked shamefaced. Was very funny to everyone else in the queue, especially as he had to walk past us all to get out!

Not demand...maybe expect, at least in a civilised world.

I can remember when I was looking after a German exchange student at work she expressed surprise at the number of things we say thankyou for. She said “ you even say thank you to the bus drivers!” Maybe not everyone is British or been brought up the way most of us have. It is actually the height of rudeness to point out someone else’s lack of manners

Yes completely this. I had someone say a loud passive aggressive "thank you" when they stood out the way for me in a hospital corridor the other day. I'd just been stuck in maternity triage for 8 long hours and was pretty dazed/ tired/ fed up and just hadn't noticed they'd moved. Made me feel even more shit. Also had it when stressed in a supermarket with kicking off small child. Maybe give people the benefit of the doubt.
If I hold a door open for someone I'm not doing it to get a thank you I'm doing it to be a nice person.

Exactly.

Civilization is, in part, based on manners. Every small loss is adding to the increasingly dangerous uncivilized world mind set.

I voted you are not being unreasonable but I think it depends what mood I’m in think I have muttered thank you when that’s happened to me I wouldn’t shout it. Hold the door open or don’t but don’t do it just to get gratitude cause some people are ignorant and that’s life.

To those saying that it's rude/bad manners to say 'you're welcome' to the ungrateful - well they started it 😆