People that shout "THANK YOU!" to those that don't say it

[tvchoice]

Why do you do so?
Personally, if I hold a door or let someone through and they don't acknowledge and thank me, I don't let it bother me and simply get on with my day. The reason for this is I quite honestly couldn't care less how a total stranger behaves towards me, within reason of course, because they are exactly that. A stranger that means nothing to me.
Therefore, if they don't say thank you, it doesn't matter enough for me to need to react to it, but for many others, they have a different mindset. Help me understand! Why is this?
Surely someone would need to be important to you for their behaviour to affect you enough to react to it?

People do it because it irritates them.
People do it because thats the pattern they have been taught at home.

Because if someones helf a door for you you should say thank you. Otherwise you are basically implying that they should be your servant and hold doors for you and you are better than them so do not need to bother yourself with acknowledging them.

They don't deserve to see you offended by it, you don't know their situation, you don't know if they have social anxiety, you don't know if they are non verbal or selectively mute.

While I agree this may not be the case in every scenario, please don't judge, it may have taken the person huge will power to step out and being confronted in such a passive aggressive way can put them back many steps.

I hate the passive-aggressive thank yous. If I’m cycling and someone moves out the way, I always say thank you, but in the winter I often have a neck warmer covering part of my mouth and people sometimes don’t hear me. I’m not very loud anyway. Similar with horse-riding. Probably best to raise my hand as I would do when driving.

One time DD (then 10 or 11) was riding her pony on a hack and a dog walker put her pack of 3 or 4 dogs on the lead. I said thank you, but she then berated my daughter for not also saying thank you. Daughter has selective mutism and struggles to speak even to adults she’s known for a while. If I’m walking my dog, I always put her on a lead for horse-riders. If they say thank you that’s great, but if they don’t I don’t mind - it’s part of my responsibilities as a dog owner.

Then I’ve had the odd walker who has said “Good Morning” and then berate my lack of reply (I do normally say good morning back, but occasionally I’m concentrating on something else), which seems to negate the purpose of the cheery greeting.

I don't say anything on my own behalf. But I do on behalf of my dc. One of my ds's in particular often holds doors open for others - sometimes 2, 3, 4 people in a row. And it annoys me if they don't thank him.

It used to annoy me especially car drivers.
Now I just let them as I can't control others nor do I want to.

Occasionally people say it to me 😁- I’m not deliberately rude (and I also hold doors for other people) but sometimes I am lost in my own world.

I think the tone of my voice portrays that I'm not being sarky

Sorry, but someone was holding the gate so it didnt slam into you, but you decided that your 'conversation" was so important you would just walk through and not take 1 second to say thanks, like this woman was a servant there to hold the gate for you and didnt even warrant an acknowledgement. And you also judged her as being less cultured than yourself.
You are extremely entitled and a bit of a twat.

Staff in one particular bank who receive the cheque I'm paying in and don't say thank you. I stand and wait now. Once the person asked me what I was waiting for and was very surprised when I said "for you to say thank you".

I'm afraid it's one of my bugbears. It doesn't take much effort to say 'thank you' or to express appreciation with a nod of the head.

I'm not someone who would react back as I'm far too shy. However, I feel as though I would want to as somebody shouldn't get away with bad manners. Anyone who isn't a child should know to say thank you.. so I would just like to point out to them!

I always say "thanks for letting me hold the door open for you" . Passive aggressive, I know but my dad was a stickler for manners and it's the way I was brought up. Manners just come naturally now.
Sorry you don't feel the same op

I think it's nice if someone thanks you, but I wouldn't do the passive aggressive "thank you" or "you're welcome" because I might not have heard them or as PP have said, you don't know what's going on in their life. I wouldn't want to make someone's bad day worse by embarrassing them publicly.

If they're just rude or not paying attention then it's not teaching them anything anyway.

It's nice to hold doors open but it's also nice to extend a bit of grace and kindness without expecting anything in return.

Really? I had no idea this was a scenario in which you were supposed to thank someone for literally just doing their job. She's not getting your money, nor is the bank, they are just conveying it to a safe place for when you need it. I mean it's not like she's your hairdresser or doctor is it?

But it’s rude to shout at people to belittle them too!

Yes, ideally people should say thanks, but you should be doing the good deed for it’s own sake, rather than for the reward of being thanked.

Plus you have no idea what is going on in someone’s life. They may be distracted or upset and may just not have registered that someone opened the door for them.

‘THANK YOU’ shouters are just really rude and aggressive people.

( And yes I am someone who says thanks).

I say ‘you’re welcome’, then if they confront me I can say ‘sorry, I thought you said thank you’ and their only choice is to look silly 🤭

Well clearly manners don’t come naturally to you if you behave like this.

You’re behaving aggressively and rudely.

I agree with you OP. When I have witnessed this , it is done to humiliate and I am noticing that more and more people are waiting for opportunities to humiliate others. If you are holding a door open , do it because you genuinely want to .

I think it’s also horrible that some posters engage their children in their need to humiliate others … they’re not teaching their child about manners but trying to justify their own rudeness and passive aggression.

Oh this happened to me today!! Very narrow pavement in our little village. Three adults walking abreast towards me, two men and a woman. The road is quite busy with traffic so not safe to just step into it, but these three clearly had NO intention of letting me past. So I just stopped and stood still…they looked so shocked that I just laughed and said, “Well one of you needs to move…unless you wish for me to be mowed down?”

Unsurprisingly, the woman stepped behind one of the men, so I could get by. I doubt that it even occurred to either of the blokes to move if I’m honest.

I have only recently started to NOT be the one who naturally ‘gives way’ when faced with ‘Men On The Pavement’…who seem to think it is their god given right to plow through (female) pedestrians!

You are supposed to hold doors open to help others, not because you are wanting your manners to be complimented.

If the reason was to hold the door helpfully helpfully, it was still mission accomplished. The relevant concept here is “ noblesse oblige.”

Do you seriously not expect someone to say please and thank you when serving you? I don't have to bank at a particular bank and if their staff are impolite my business can easily go elsewhere.

Standards are deteriorating too far.

Im being rude 😂Behave like what exactly, how so? I say it cheerily and stand by it

No

Probably won't happen again, he won't be holding it open!