People that shout "THANK YOU!" to those that don't say it

[tvchoice]

Why do you do so?
Personally, if I hold a door or let someone through and they don't acknowledge and thank me, I don't let it bother me and simply get on with my day. The reason for this is I quite honestly couldn't care less how a total stranger behaves towards me, within reason of course, because they are exactly that. A stranger that means nothing to me.
Therefore, if they don't say thank you, it doesn't matter enough for me to need to react to it, but for many others, they have a different mindset. Help me understand! Why is this?
Surely someone would need to be important to you for their behaviour to affect you enough to react to it?

Yeah we're big on thanking bus drivers over here in Ireland, even the foreign students do it, it can be awkward when disembarking by the middle doors but most, if not all, people shout it out in the hope the driver hears, it's actually quite endearing

But I think the problem with the modern world is fundamentally one of people thinking of themselves more than of others.

Manners are ( ideally) a manifestation of a desire to think of others. Snapping “thank you” at someone you expected or would have liked thanks from is thinking of yourself. It’s re-centralising the self in a way that suggests even the apparent thoughtfulness was really a self-focused action.

Just open doors, say thank you and teach your children to. If everyone does that we’re in a good place.

It's poor manners not say 'Thank you'. It's equally poor manners to force a 'Thank you' in this way. I've had it from dog owners for not showing gratitude after they called their mutts back from where I was running.

Do you say thank you op if someone holds a door open or aren’t you bothered about the other person because they’re not important to you?

Manners are in decline and it could make someone’s day to simply acknowledge the nice thing they’ve done that they didn’t have to.

the fact you made a post about this suggests that there is a small underlying aggression.

I’m a more of ‘You’re welcome’ person.
Its so easy to say thank-you and manners can get you so far in life.

I can’t help thinking that people who are saying it’s ruder to say you’re welcome or thank-you after somebody are persistent no manners offenders and just don’t like getting called out for it.

I don’t do the “You’re welcome” but I have become less accommdating. I am sick of being the one to step to the side of the pavement, and stop walking, to let people past. More then 9/10 times they don’t acknowledge with thanks or a smile. This is in my specific part of London, I don’t find it in other places. In Norwich I found it startling how polite people are. Now when I walk in my own area, my mantra is ‘take up your space in the world’ and make sure that whoever is sharing the pavement is mutually accommodating. So tired of being treated like I’m invisible.

I wouldn’t necessarily say thanks though if people have to fall into single file though? As long as everyone is still moving I just see it as normal spatial awareness. Actually stopping to hold a door, or let people past definitely deserves a thanks.

Not necessarily no. Depends on the circumstances. And I’m a stickler for good manners- you should see me on the threads about Thank You letters at Xmas time. But in the few occasions I hand over a cheque at my local post office - because we have no bank branches left in our small town and I do most of my banking online - the person behind the counter and I usually recognise each other in a friendly non-verbal way and I’ve never noticed if they’ve thanked me or not for depositing my cheque. There’s usually a long queue and I’m keen to get on with my busy day, as I’m sure she is too.
I certainly wouldn’t be rude enough to pull someone up on it if they didn’t thank me when they are the ones doing something for me.

Who says "I lost the plot"? I'm the rude one, Oh please

Gawd!!! This reminds me of being on a night out when my children were small and a man next to me at the bar, belched. You can see where this is going…
I, on parental autopilot (and admittedly a little tipsy) immediately said in a very patronising tone “What do you say?”🫣 I was mortified and apologised. He was too plastered to be bothered in the slightest it it still makes me cringe🤣

Why don't you thank someone who's opened a door for you? I can't imagine just blanking someone!

I once got bellowed at leaving pizza express with friends - a woman held the door open and shouted in front of her family “Oh come on ladies not one of you said thank you then.” Except two of us had. Very clearly. I went back in the restaurant and said “You’re wrong, we did say thanks, maybe clean your ears out before shouting at people for not being loud enough”. I may have had a glass of wine. Or 4. But I hate being patronised and told off when I’ve done nothing wrong.

Of course manners are transactional. It’s the grease that keeps society spinning with a modicum of benignity. If one person doesn’t play their part, it’s ok to call them up on it.

What you’re suggesting is that women act like doormats.

Why didn’t you one of you take over holding the door open for your group?

@nomas "Of course manners are transactional. It’s the grease that keeps society spinning with a modicum of benignity. If one person doesn’t play their part, it’s ok to call them up on it. What you’re suggesting is that women act like doormats"

exactly this

Because we were coming out a skinny corridor into a bigger lobby, that they were standing in. It just made sense. To have swapped holding the door would have meant this woman and her family would be going into a corridor filled with people and played a game of “sorry, no you first, sorry”.

Besides you let people out of somewhere before you step in. Thems the rules

So then every person they held the door for should have thanked them, as it sounds like they came through single file.

On the flip side, I once got a very sarky "You're welcome" by someone who had moved out of the way of my buggy. I hadn't even registered them before then, I was desperately trying to get home before I burst into tears. And that's the peril of taking random people to task, isn't it? You have no idea what's going on in their head.

I don't care if I hold the door and someone doesn't thank me. I haven't done them a massive favour or anything, just done my little bit for social cohesion. Same for stepping aside on the pavement. The only thing that does annoy me is when I get stuck in that both go left both go right shuffle and then the other person tutts loudly before storming around me. In that scenario they are just as culpable as me and are being rude to suggest otherwise.
Basically I hate strangers talking to me, lol

Everyone should also say thank you then!

2 out of 3 of us did, the point is she was wrong to bellow that “not one of you said thanks”. I’m not responsible for the 3rd person

Does this count for trains and buses?
I said thank you, I’m no more responsible for my friends than you are

This happened to me the day my dad died - someone held a door for me and then got cross and shouted at me for not saying thank you quick enough. Normally I’m really polite, I was just in a fog of shock and grief. It made me feel even more shit on one of the worst days of my life.

So no, I don’t shout at people for not saying thank you because it’s a dick thing to do and you’re making all sorts of assumptions about the person you’re shouting at. Just don’t hold the door if it bothers you that much.

Good manners matter in society. How can you not see that OP?
I’ll always call out rudeness and it has nothing to do with whether I care about how the rude people feel about me or I feel about them. We all need to live together in this overcrowded little island and good manners make this easier.

Er ... you should be thanking them! They are serving you as a customer; storing your money for you!