People that shout "THANK YOU!" to those that don't say it

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Why do you do so?
Personally, if I hold a door or let someone through and they don't acknowledge and thank me, I don't let it bother me and simply get on with my day. The reason for this is I quite honestly couldn't care less how a total stranger behaves towards me, within reason of course, because they are exactly that. A stranger that means nothing to me.
Therefore, if they don't say thank you, it doesn't matter enough for me to need to react to it, but for many others, they have a different mindset. Help me understand! Why is this?
Surely someone would need to be important to you for their behaviour to affect you enough to react to it?

They probably are having a bad day. Don't make it worse!!

Someone said it to me once. I did actually say thanks but at the same time I was trying to control my autistic son. Who on that particular day was being hard work. I snapped back at her I did say thanks but I was kinda also trying to stop my son from running out into the carpark. So her holding the door open for us wasn't really helping. My son was about 8 at the time I still had him on reins.🙄

It irritates me sometimes when people hold a door open for me, particualrly if I am in grumpy mood wanting to be left alone, because then I feel obliged to say thank you and actually engage withe person, something I might not feel like doing. So internally I sometimes think 'oh shit don't open the door, nowI have to bloody talk to you', externally I vaguely smile and mumble 'thank you' . Then again I really have no problem with someone letting the door close after them and making me open it myself, unless they are someone I know or unless the door really is likely to hit me in the face, in which case I don't see that as something needing thanks, just as basic friendship or basic health and safety and trying not to hurt someone.

Occasionally I am too caught up in my own thoughts to notice if someone holds a door open or lets me pass and don't necessarily always say thank you, and yes of course that is rude but more in ' I am self-absorbed today and barely noticing anyone else' way , rather that I am just going to be rude to you because . . .well I can't actully think whay someone would be actually deliberately rude in that scenario, just maybe a bit self absorbed.

Hence I think saying 'you are welcome' in a sarcastic way or shouting 'thanks' after them is quite a lot ruder than not thanking someone for doing something for you that you didn't ask for or perhaps even want in the first place!

If he wasn't mature enough to see you had those two things, that says a lot about him frankly!

Ok, so if you dont give a crap about stranger's behaviours/opinions then why do you bother holding the door in the first place? why not just let it swing back in their face? or make them push it open again?

I am presuming you will respond to this: because its good manners/polite/kind

the SAME goes for saying thank you.

Yeah I've done & sometimes still do this, probably depending on my mood/time of the day but honestly manners cost nothing & I've drilled them into my son since he could understand approximately so a grown person should be able to acknowledge a kind gesture, do I let it simmer all day of course not but at that moment it would make me judge them

You should have taken hold of the gate. Being in conversation doesn’t mean everyone else has to accommodate you. She was 💯 right.

According to standard UK etiquette it's rude not to say thanks when someone has helped you, but it is also rude to draw attention to a stranger's apparently poor manners. Of course it's necessary to talk about and correct tendencies toward rudeness in your child or your on-duty employee, even if these are very subjective standards. It's also OK to explain to anyone else that you have a relationship with that you perceived their behaviour as rude and ask for an explanation. But you can't (and should not be able to) control random adults' behaviour, and strangers don't necessarily share your personal or cultural standards.

On a personal note - like others here, the ONLY time I noticed that someone called me out for not thanking them for an obvious favour, I had said thanks. I even mimed it because the person who did me the favor was in a truck and I knew he might not be able to hear me. He still screamed THANK YOU as he revved his engine and drove away. I think he was the rude one, and this thread has not changed my mind.

Oh posted too quickly.. also letting people cut in front of me at a junction or wherever, I'll always do it if possible & not getting an acknowledgment is rude imo

I don’t think I do it (aloud), but I understand why some people do. It’s nothing to do with how important to you the person is, it’s just a way of telling them you’ve noticed they have bad manners.

me too.

It’s actually quite rude to publicly berate someone’s bad manners.

Sorry you had bad news that day, and he was very rude to call you names. Yours is a very specific situation.

Still believe that people should be called out - non aggressively - for not being respectful when someone gives way/holds a door for them, otherwise we are just condoning it.

I also do this but when I do its genuine, if brief, concern and not to make their day worse.

Maybe but I have also had the times when someone in front of me holds the door open and I end up having to run to get through the door because I feel obliged not to keep them waiting too long, when I would really much rather they let the door close on me so I can keep strolling along at my tortoise pace. I am such a people pleaser I have even rushed through the door to save the person holding it embarassment or inconvenience when I am not even planning to go that way (yes I am an idiot and far too polite) In the example I am thinking of I had to walk down the hall in front of them and tun into a side room,then wait until they had gone past to go back through the original door again. I did thank them on that occasion as well 🙄😂

The point I am making is that we never actually know 100% for certain if what we are doing for someone is what they want or need so if we choose to do something for someone, it really should be just because we think it is the right thing to do (even if we turn out to be mistaken) and demanding thanks for it is quite petty in my mind.

Obviously people should say thanks, as I did even in the above example because the person was trying to help and I chose to be an idiot so as not to embarass them or me but I'd have been pretty pissed off if I'd been too distracted to thank them and they had yelled ' thank you' after me as I was looking for a way back without embarassing us both.

I think this is it. What I am trying to say is, yes, their manners would be nice, but I don't want them to see or think I care by reacting to them! Why should they deserve to see that I'm offended by it? Does that make sense?

No, it sounds batty

@AspiringChatBot ah yeah that's completely different & yeah it can get tricky in cars/vehicles especially if your eyes are (quite rightly) on the road so absolutely he was the rude one... jesus it's a minefield 😆

Oh that would really annoy me!

But the non-thanker was already ill mannered so it makes no difference.

I had a corker yesterday. I was standing in the queue in a well known department store with very little space to move and two American women came up behind me wanting to get past. I heard them loudly say "sorry" a couple of times whilst I registered what was going on, and they pushed me out of the way. When I reacted with a "couldn't you have said excuse me" I was met with a loud "well no, you weren't moving out of our way". All they had to do was walk the other side of a rail of clothes. The entire queue was shocked. People are just getting ruder and ruder.

Why don’t you just thank them? Be more aware and considerate.

i was told off by someone this week, quite unjustly I thought. I had just arrived at the airport gate to get on a plane. The gate was not open yet and there was a small group of people standing near the different group boarding signs. I was trying to work out where to stand and stopped where I thought was the right place.
The woman next to me said loudly to me ‘I am also in this queue.’ At that point I hadn’t even noticed a queue.
However I then apologised and moved behind her, creating a queue!
When boarding started I was allowed through before her because I was in a higher group.
Which was immensely satisfying in a very childish way.

If you’re going to be the wanker that does this, at least make sure the person you’re targeting hasn’t already said thank you before you get all up in their face about it. I have a quiet voice and have had people get shirty with me because I supposedly didn’t say thank you when they held the door open for me, it’s a bit frustrating when actually I did.

Your op implies that people are overthinking this and dwelling on it. But really other than the split second reaction it doesn’t matter to me either. However I do still make a point of saying a cheerful ‘thank you’ because I think rudeness shouldn’t be accepted as the norm.
I also theatrically put my hand up in thanks to those who don’t acknowledge when you’ve given way to them. Dicks.