No notice AIBU?

[daisychainsandsummerdays]

I’ve been planning a trip to see in-laws who live in Scotland, we live in London.

The plans were loosely made over a couple of weeks ago- but the plan being we would drive up to them - it’s a 7/8 hour drive with our two little ones, 3 and 6.

Yesterday I got a message asking what time would we be arriving …I said not sure exactly.
the next morning I got a message saying need to know when EXACTLY and can we be at there’s by midday!!!
Brother in law had Boole a family photographer and a day off work, other siblings may not be available other days - need to know out plans ASAP!

I replied saying sorry we can’t make it for 12 noon and sorry had no idea BIL had taken day or even if there was a photographer!!!
after a 7 hour drive with two little children - last thing I want to do is get photo’s done. Also wasnt planning on bringing best outfits and haven’t even had my hair done.

so frustrated - feeling like not going at all.

Your rudeness is uncalled for

It's called a suggestion. On a public forum, that's pretty much what people are here for. Some family's may consider flying to be easier.

Yes, it does occur to me that cars may be needed. Personally, with or without children, the idea of eight hours in a car is hell. Hence the suggestion. God forbid someone has an idea, can you really not figure that out?

Good day.

You think it’s lovely to get up at 4am, and set off an hour or so later for a 7/8 hour drive, arrive bleary eyed and bedraggled at midday for a photo shoot where everyone else will have had hours to get ready and look their best?

meant to reply!

To be fair, your post read more like an inquisition or accusation than a suggestion. A suggestion would have been ‘Have you looked into flying there?’

I can accept that, I shouldn't have rush typed and I apologise.

I wasn't rude at all. It was a rubbish suggestion, especially when it's short notice!

I managed to figure out all by myself that the plans are to go by car. I can think of numerous reasons for that. The OP wasn't asking about how to make the journey at all. She was asking about the circumstances around the photoshoot. It's helpful to answer the question that has actually been asked!

No harm done. Not sure if OP is coming back.

Nonsense!

Wouldn't blame her if she didn't tbh - some of the daft replies!!!

Indeed. The amount of posters who've missed the point completely and looking for any excuse to see her as unreasonable is maddening.

Adds an extra day onto any leave from work needed though, doesn't it. Which when you have small children is nowhere near enough for most people.

!!!!

You can't be in every photo, so missing this one because of travelling is understandable.

Being left out would be them arranging it without your knowledge, but they wanted you there, just plans dont allow.

Your reaction does make you sound difficult.

No one ever knows 100% when they'll arrive at their destination, but you give a eta with a caveat about transport & stops etc.

To say you don't know comes off as rude.

If people knew an estimate, they could run errands and be back in time.

Being left out would be them arranging it without your knowledge,

That's exactly what happened though? They arranged it and then got annoyed because the OP and her family couldn't magically get there at the time given...

Keep your cool OP. You could message the parents and the BIL together saying something like: 'That's really sad that we won't be included in the family photoshoot. It would have meant a lot to us. Perhaps when planning the day you weren't aware quite how long our journey is going to be. Even if we leave at 8am we can't possibly arrive before 3pm and maybe later if there's a problem on the roads or if the children are ill or fractious and need to stop for a bit. To get to you by midday we would have to get up at 4 and leave at 5. Then we would probably arrive looking exhausted and awful!
Please change the photoshoot if you can, we'd really appreciate it. xxx

The in laws are bonkers. No one in their right mind would have booked a photographer for the day someone driving a long way with kids is arriving. Even if the OP had had proper advance warning, there's no guarantee they'd arrive on time. I think BIL booked the photographer with no thought about his brother's family and it's MIL who has wanted to include the OP and her family, trying to include them.

Well it's simple, isn't it? The answer is no, because you were not told of these plans in enough time to do anything about it, do not have time to split the journey over an extra night and have no desire to get up at 4 am to do the journey either. So you will have to be absent from the photo shoot.

ill end up the bad person here no doubt but it feels like what was a trip to see in laws has turned into what BIL wants us to do

Why will you end up the bad person here? These are your PILs. Let your husband deal with it.

No, it would be arranging it and going ahead with it without OP knowing, only to see photos on the wall after.

BIL arranged it, maybe as a suprise, maybe didn't think it through, maybe under pressure from in-laws, maybe only time photographer available, we don't know.

Didn't take it as them having the photoshoot because they're annoyed, but because it's already been booked and keeping OP up to date.

Even if you did set off at 4 or 5 am there's a fair chance you'd be late.

You'd hit rush hour 4 or so hours into your journey.

Both the M6 or A1M routes are vulnerable to minor accidents causing long delays.

You'd also need a couple of breaks too.

This ways actually worse though than them doing it and not telling her and her seeing the photos because they've told her knowing she can't make it.

Why are you saying you won’t go now? You didn’t even know about the photographs and suddenly you’re ’left out’

Where does OP say they knew she couldn't make it when BIL booked the photographer?

Why would she want to spend all that time travelling to visit people who clearly don't care about her, her children or by the sounds of it their other son...

They booked it for midday on a day they knew OP was doing a (minimum) 7 hour drive.

They knew they couldn't make that.

You don't have to be a psychic to know how long it takes to travel from London to Scotland or to know when your family is visiting.

Of course they knew they wouldn't be able to get there for midday.