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AIBU?

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Original poster

CF or am I being ungrateful?

253 replies

Showerflowers · 12/04/2025 18:17

So SIL is very wealthy. Lives a good few hours from us and we rarely see her and her dh. Sil owns a holiday home by the coast. She doesn’t allow anyone (friends or family) to stay in the holiday home. Family have asked and offered to pay but she likes the place for herself only. Fair enough I suppose.

she bought the home just before lockdown. Then headed there as soon as she could. So was based mainly there for 18 months. But in the last few years she’s actually barely been there. Just twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden . I’m not surprised if it’s empty for 50 weeks of the year.

she’s rang us this week offering us a free week in the house in may. DH jumped at the chance and said yes before asking me. And initially I was thrilled too, moneys tight. We’d love to take our grandchildren who won’t get a holiday this year. But then I realised we are being used.

Sil has not been to the house since late September last year. She’s asked DH to tidy the garden for her while he’s there. Wants me to give the place a good air out and dust etc. I asked when she would be going down next. She’s arriving there a few days after we leave.

I'm not being daft here am I? She literally wants us to go down there and make the place nice for when she arrives doesn’t she!. DH thinks it’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. But I think he’s underestimating how much work probably needs doing. I now don’t want to go.

am I being ungrateful here lol

OP posts:
RecklessGoddess · 13/04/2025 18:45

Gizlotsmum · 12/04/2025 18:19

Oh tricky I would be tempted to go but do the bare minimum, so allocate one day of your week to the garden/ housework and the rest just do what you would to keep a home tidy. However I would also make those intentions clear before going

Edited

I completely agree with this comment!

CleaningAngel · 13/04/2025 18:45

Showerflowers · 12/04/2025 18:17

So SIL is very wealthy. Lives a good few hours from us and we rarely see her and her dh. Sil owns a holiday home by the coast. She doesn’t allow anyone (friends or family) to stay in the holiday home. Family have asked and offered to pay but she likes the place for herself only. Fair enough I suppose.

she bought the home just before lockdown. Then headed there as soon as she could. So was based mainly there for 18 months. But in the last few years she’s actually barely been there. Just twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden . I’m not surprised if it’s empty for 50 weeks of the year.

she’s rang us this week offering us a free week in the house in may. DH jumped at the chance and said yes before asking me. And initially I was thrilled too, moneys tight. We’d love to take our grandchildren who won’t get a holiday this year. But then I realised we are being used.

Sil has not been to the house since late September last year. She’s asked DH to tidy the garden for her while he’s there. Wants me to give the place a good air out and dust etc. I asked when she would be going down next. She’s arriving there a few days after we leave.

I'm not being daft here am I? She literally wants us to go down there and make the place nice for when she arrives doesn’t she!. DH thinks it’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. But I think he’s underestimating how much work probably needs doing. I now don’t want to go.

am I being ungrateful here lol

It's fine if she doesn't want to let family members use it. But she's only asked you to go to do the jobs,if you don't do them,she'll give you a right slagging off to whoever will listen about ' I gave them free use of cottage and they never did a thing blah blah blah'
Why doesn't she employ a gardener to look after it, snd a vleaner to go in few times a year?

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/04/2025 19:08

I think she should have been upfront about what she was offering. If you don't go now you have given up on a (virtually) free holiday. If you enjoy yourselves why not offer next year to go and get everything set up for them again? (Hire gardener and cleaner if you want. )

Longleggedlinda · 13/04/2025 19:14

I’d go and not do it, but then my family know it’s a lottery with me

GRex · 13/04/2025 19:27

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/04/2025 19:08

I think she should have been upfront about what she was offering. If you don't go now you have given up on a (virtually) free holiday. If you enjoy yourselves why not offer next year to go and get everything set up for them again? (Hire gardener and cleaner if you want. )

She was up-front! She asked for airing and for the DH to sort the garden a bit. He thinks it's fair. OP seems to think anything bar SIL cleaning up after them is an imposition. Can see why they aren't usually invited TBH.

Umbrellasinthesunshine · 13/04/2025 19:32

I would go, but book a local cleaner to come in on the first day / day before you arrive for 4 hours. Then just spend an hour each day in the garden / one long afternoon. That’s a small price to pay for a free week and means you won’t have to spend your time cleaning (which also isn’t easy whilst looking after DGC).

MounjaroOnMyMind · 13/04/2025 19:32

I wouldn't do it because you have no idea what state the place is in. I think she's asked you because she knows it's a complete mess. Surely the house wouldn't normally need much doing to it if she's rarely in it? She must know it needs more than a quick dust. Her garden will be awful if she hasn't been in it for months. She's using you and I wouldn't go.

ZenNudist · 13/04/2025 19:33

I think its going to be a real slog. The house will surely take a day to clean and the garden at least 2 days! I just wouldn't do it. It's mean of her.

If you can go for longer than aweek then maybe but I haven't got enough annual leave to do other people's cleaning and gardening.

Original poster
Showerflowers · 13/04/2025 19:43

GRex · 13/04/2025 19:27

She was up-front! She asked for airing and for the DH to sort the garden a bit. He thinks it's fair. OP seems to think anything bar SIL cleaning up after them is an imposition. Can see why they aren't usually invited TBH.

Show quote history

Where have I asked Sil to clean up after me? Lol

OP posts:
Notsureaboutthatone · 13/04/2025 19:50

To be honest if I was lucky enough to have a holiday home I would not let anyone use it but me.
I’ve had so many mixed experiences lending things, doing favours or being asked for favours, I wouldn’t want to risk having an unpleasant experience with a close family member or friend.

Original poster
Showerflowers · 13/04/2025 19:53

So I rang Sil this afternoon to get a grasp of what needs doing. I’m disabled and she knows this and she reassured me the house won’t need much doing. But the garden on the other hand needs a lot of work which she was very honest about. The neighbour has told her some fence panels are damaged and it’s surrounded by trees so there will be a lot to clear. She would like dh to either replace the panels himself or hire someone to do it and she will pay. Neighbours also told her that someone’s tried to get in and a small side window is broken so needs that boarding up, this happened a few days ago and neighbours put a temporary cover over it and is keeping an eye on the place.

dh still wants to go so I’m happy if he’s happy. Older grandson has said he will muck in too. Then they can go fishing till their hearts content and I’ll have some peace lol.

thanks for the level headed responses. Sil is lovely but does put on us a lot. Mainly with regard to their parents who need a lot of care which falls to dh.

so wish us luck lol

OP posts:
BBT213 · 13/04/2025 19:57

There is no way DH will get someone to replace fence panels in less than a week - and he will be lucky to get them delivered in that week unless she is expecting him to organise it before you go!

GRex · 13/04/2025 19:57

Doesn't sound like a lot, but worth asking her if 2 weeks is possible to make sure you can hire fence man etc?

Skippydoodle · 13/04/2025 19:57

You get a free week worth £?k, for about 4-6 hours work. You are well in, but feel free to not do it. Why should you be bankrolled for free??

anyolddinosaur · 13/04/2025 20:15

If a window is broken it would be better, and possibly easier, to have the glass replaced than to board it up.

Fencing - you assess damage and arrange a quote for the work to be done. No-one needs to be in when a couple of panels are being fixed.

Surrounded by trees so a lot to clear - does she have a garden vac to suck up leaves?

StarkleLittleTwink · 13/04/2025 20:17

I actually agree with all the other posters, that it’s small price to pay for a free holiday and you don’t have to go overboard with the gardening and cleaning. I can also understand that in the beginning your SIL wanted to keep her holiday home to herself. I had a holiday home a while back and you’d be amazed at the hangers on that came for a free holiday. We got fed up with it. She was probably setting a few boundaries. Go and enjoy it and don’t cut off your nose to spite your face!!

Blogswife · 13/04/2025 20:38

Yes you are being ungrateful. You seem to want a totally free holiday without having to contribute anything
I’s your sisters home, she’s entitled to keep it to herself .
I wonder if she’s sick of you hinting to go there and has decided to try one last thing to deter you - clever move as seems it’s worked !!!

latetothefisting · 13/04/2025 20:42

viques · 12/04/2025 20:28

What a shame your OH’s back trouble returned and he only managed to cut the grass 🙂I wouldn’t do a deep clean, a quick dust and polish, and hoover or mop round. No windows, no moving furniture,no cupboard cleaning, just wash the pots you are using. I would also take my own bedding/towels so you don’t get roped into doing a massive bedding wash.

No windows, no moving furniture,no cupboard cleaning, just wash the pots you are using. I would also take my own bedding/towels so you don’t get roped into doing a massive bedding wash.

except that the sister literally hasn't asked OP to do ANY of this at all, only dust and open some windows...

Not doing something she didn't expect them to do in the first place is hardly showing her who's boss...

godmum56 · 13/04/2025 20:45

Sunshine1500 · 12/04/2025 23:25

I think that’s very fair of them , a few hours work for a weeks stay.

laughing at the idea that a garden abandoned since at least last september is "a few hours work"

Sunshine1500 · 13/04/2025 20:56

godmum56 · 13/04/2025 20:45

laughing at the idea that a garden abandoned since at least last september is "a few hours work"

Show quote history

its only April, most people don’t garden over winter

godmum56 · 13/04/2025 21:01

Sunshine1500 · 13/04/2025 20:56

its only April, most people don’t garden over winter

Show quote history

september and october are not winter!

August1980 · 13/04/2025 21:47

Sleepalldaylong · 12/04/2025 18:22

Sounds like a fair swap to me if you want the holiday. If not, then don’t go but you seem to want something for nothing so that makes you a CF as much as SIL.

This

MissAmbrosia · 13/04/2025 21:58

I stand by what i said before. She never offered this place up ever before to her family. She now wants OP and DH to go and do free labour that she doesn't want to pay for in return for a "free holiday" How generous. And now there are broken fence panels and a broken window. You can guarantee she'll be moaning if the place is not spotless and the garden not fully sorted when she arrives the following week. And she'll be thinking she's doing OP a big favour. She already said that it takes her so much time everytime she goes to maintain everything. It's not a couple of hours of dusting that she expects.

pollymere · 13/04/2025 22:17

When I stay in a holiday cottage, you usually spend the last morning or evening vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen etc.

A quick dust on the last day and a bit of gardening is probably a good trade off for a holiday tbh... The smell of furniture polish and also the smell of bathroom cleaner works wonders at presenting something that's being cleaned thoroughly. (I'm not a dodgy cleaner... Just good at last minute guests!)

Beautifuldog · 13/04/2025 22:19

@Showerflowers well now you know why she asked! It’s not a straightforward case of having keys accessible securely for 3rd party cleaners & gardeners to come in via an agent or some such other. She needs trusted pple who will fix all these problems & a live in flunkey is her best bet. I’m pretty sure if all these jobs were costed per professional going rates it wld cost her far more than what it wld cost to rent her property for the week. CF indeed. At least she’s informed you now but only after you enquired. Be prepared that she’s probably downplaying what needs doing. If a window has been broken then all kinds of damage could have occurred with water ingress, birds /other. Bit at least she’s said she’ll pay for replacement fence panels etc. I’d take photos of everything when you get there before you start. And clock how long it all takes.