CF or am I being ungrateful?

[Showerflowers]

So SIL is very wealthy. Lives a good few hours from us and we rarely see her and her dh. Sil owns a holiday home by the coast. She doesn’t allow anyone (friends or family) to stay in the holiday home. Family have asked and offered to pay but she likes the place for herself only. Fair enough I suppose.

she bought the home just before lockdown. Then headed there as soon as she could. So was based mainly there for 18 months. But in the last few years she’s actually barely been there. Just twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden . I’m not surprised if it’s empty for 50 weeks of the year.

she’s rang us this week offering us a free week in the house in may. DH jumped at the chance and said yes before asking me. And initially I was thrilled too, moneys tight. We’d love to take our grandchildren who won’t get a holiday this year. But then I realised we are being used.

Sil has not been to the house since late September last year. She’s asked DH to tidy the garden for her while he’s there. Wants me to give the place a good air out and dust etc. I asked when she would be going down next. She’s arriving there a few days after we leave.

I'm not being daft here am I? She literally wants us to go down there and make the place nice for when she arrives doesn’t she!. DH thinks it’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. But I think he’s underestimating how much work probably needs doing. I now don’t want to go.

am I being ungrateful here lol

Oh dear. She moans that she 'spent all her time doing maintenance' but only offered a week to you.
How is her main house @Showerflowers ? You will be walking into holiday home however she left it in September.
Remind her that she said it took her a week to get it into shape and see if she will gift you some more free days.
Surely there is a compromise here? You say 'I'll hoover and dust the rooms we use and launder and dry the bed linen before we leave. Dh will mow and rake up the clippings'
If she has a hedge, tell her it is nesting season and that won't be done.

If you don't think it's worth it then don't go.

It's really quite simple.

If you go & it's too much just go home again!

Is she going to check up during the week?

She's not offering a gift - she's offering a trade off.

A few people have said they would ask to stay for more than a week. I think that’s a fair compromise- the gardening will take at least 1-2 days as would properly cleaning the house. It should be no skin off their noses if you stay for 10 days rather than a week, maybe get the place nice before the grandchildren come so you aren’t spending all your time cleaning and gardening when they are there.

I think some people are a bit confused about what happens to an empty property; it usually just gets a little bit dusty. After the winter lockdown we came to the flat when it had been empty for nearly 8 months. We opened windows, dusted everything with wet cloths, hoovered, then set up beds and unpacked as normal. Possibly it took an hour longer than usual to clean on arrival. That's the thing with borrowing a property; you have to set up your own beds, take fresh towels etc anyway, and you have to clean when you leave; the tiny bit of extra dusting is minimal. As for the garden - our home garden is rarely touched all winter; DH and DS tidied it in a few hours two weeks ago.

Our small/average size garden took about three two to three hour sessions to de winter it.

How? Things don't grow over winter. Fallen leaves get scooped into the garden waste (even a really big garden this is max 1.5 hours with an eager child helping), grass cut (2 rounds when it's high, 30 min), trim back any bushes that sprung out. What are you doing in the garden?

Trees, lots of bushes, lawn, patio plus small front garden, our bushes took ages. It looks great now, we had our last season yesterday.

This is what the sister said:
...twice last year for a week at a time but moaned that she’d spent all her time there catching up with maintenance of the house and garden .

So she admitted that it took her the whole week to catch up on maintenance, yet she's only offered OP a week's 'holiday'.

That's very clearly CFery.

I'm pretty sure the OP wpuld have mentioned if SIL asked for the bushes to be reshaped to resemble a pride of lions or whatever you were up to. Most people clearing up a garden would just trim back rather than unleash their inner topiarist.

I have the feeling that whatever OP does, it won't be good enough for SIL.

Where are pp getting ‘half a day’ from, stating it like that’s exactly how much op will be doing. She’s already said the garden is likely 2 days work - maybe more if SIL and BIL worked on it together. That’s hard graft and we don’t know either ops or her DHs fitness levels, especially important to consider their energy if they’re then also trying to holiday with DGC. That’s before they tackle the inside. SIL has specifically said it took her a week the last two times. Op has a weeks holiday. A week cleaning is a lot to ask for in return for a weeks accommodation. So op needs to know what standard the house got to by the end of that week (could op do less and it still be pleasant to stay there) and how slow or fast SIL likely worked to get it clean.

Just because SIL said it took 2 days to sort the garden out doesnt mean it will take this couple that long. First those 2 days may have been after the summer as she went in September. Second they dont have to achieve any particular standard.

They havent been asked to sort out maintenance issues in the house, just dust and air.

They can hire people to do some work while they are there for considerably less than the cost of a week's holiday.

I'd say, 'sure, but which day does the cleaner and gardener come. Surely you have a gardener Julie?' That said , I would do what it takes to be pleasant for your stay and clean up after you leave. Full gardening job? No, cut grass at the maximum.

Thats why I’m not rich I guess! I would definitely prefer to pay £300 instead of communicating with and accommodating people I clearly don’t like that much 😂

It’s possible! But OP clearly gets the impression she’s not a very nice person so I’m going to trust her judgement and assume the worst 😅

Taken aback by her audacity- she had all but said ‘hey go down to my holiday home, get it ship shape for me I’ll be arriving after u have left’.

I guess there is no such thing as a free lunch!

Has she asked you to clean the whole place including bathrooms, hoovering, cleaning windows or has she asked you to air it out and dust? If it’s the latter then she’s asking you to open the windows and dust the place down - ie what you would normally do in a property that hadn’t been used in a while. She’s then asked her brother to do a bit of gardening. It’s a free holiday. I don’t think she’s being a CF but I think you’d be petty not to go x

Just go there but don't dust. Obviously air out the house just to make yourself comfortable.
Tidy the garden could mean running a sweeping brush round for twenty minutes, or using the mower once? It certainly doesn't mean you must do several hours worth it arborism/landscaping work for free.

Maybe you won't get asked back but at least she'll know you're not to be relied on for cleaning duties!

Small price to pay for your grandkids to have a holidays. She knows what she asks.

I would say, good deal. It is her house so she isn’t going to come down first to spend all her time cleaning for you to have a free holidays….

Do you not dust your own home? You have to dust or it'll be grim staying there. It doesn't need to take the full week like others seem to think.

I'm genuinely puzzled, do people really expect family who have a property to go and clean it both before and after their freeloaders turn up? It's such a strange concept, like you think it should be an AirBNB but totally free?

Not really no. I can't be arsed frankly. But it's either that or do what the owner says and OP doesn't seem like she wants to do that. Or not go. I guess not go it is.

I agree with DH. It’s a small price to pay for a free holiday. Basically tidy as you go then spend a few hours blitzing it on the last day.

I think its unreasonable to expect a free holiday, but do agree she offered so you'd do the maintainence she doesn't want to do.

I'd go and set aside the first day for doing some sorting. I wouldn't go OOT, I'd let DH garden as he said he would, open some window and run the hoover and the duster and the rest of the trip I'd just tidy as I went as would at home.

It's not unreasonable in exchange for a free holiday with your DGC

Or….

Sis to brother « all right then, you can come but you will have to tidy it because I am not doing it. » said to brother…

brother to wife « you will have to clean a bit »

wife « what a b…ch. »

😂😂😂

Sis « I need to go and check everything is ok after they’re gone. »