To be angry of DH fiddling on my side of the bed?

[Kukaracha]

When I go out and he is having a me moment IYKWIM, he does it on my side of the bed because it’s further away from the window. Don’t ask how I know - I think most women know what happens in the house when they are out, it’s like CSI in our heads.

I don’t care that he does it as such, who does not - just not on my side. Close the blinds, pull the curtains, just get off my pillows.

I think most women know what happens in the house when they are out, it’s like CSI in our heads.

Fascinating.

But how does she know he's doing this if he's not leaving evidence?!

No evidence on the sheets, in fairness, the evidence is in the laundry bin. The way bed is re-arranged on my side is how I know, as well as belting upstairs to double-check all is the clue, when I got home.

I do not karate chop pillows and cushions on one side. Dry clean only velvet embellished cushions. I am so angry.

He's resting on her pillows? If he's finishing on her pillows, mind, that's grim.

The manager at Asda would like a word with you.

Close the curtains, man. Such a simple solution - although the neighbours might be amused.

what a wanker

This is how it reads & yes it's grim & abnormal

So he’s been wanking on your fancy velvet cushions? I’d make him new ones.

Wouldn’t care if I’m honest! You said he isn’t leaving evidence so why does it matter which side?

Make him BUY new bedding.

Every time.

Suggest he get his rocks off in the shower IYSWIM

Erm, what? Can you rewrite this more clearly?

Something is evidence in the laundry bin (what?).
Your side of the bed is rearranged.
He also dashes upstairs to check things when you get home.
Something about velvet cushions (what?). Is he wanking on those? Is that what’s been put in the laundry bin and they’re dry clean only?

I mean yeah he’s foul and I would also be angry if my husband was wanking on my side of the bed. I can’t tell if he needs to be put under the patio or not though. If you mean that he’s jizzed on your dry clean only velvet cushions and then dumped them in the laundry bin then I’ll get my shovel.

You need to tell him, not Mumsnet 🤷‍♂️

Not sure what you think anyone here can do about it?

Do the same to his side of the bed

I’m baffled. He lies on your side of the bed for ten minutes? So what?!

He's marking his territory!

“It’s like CSI in our heads”.

No, it really isn’t. A normal respectful marriage doesn’t leave a person feeling like this.

If he is leaving no evidence of the wank , why are you bothered ? I am so confused why you are angry he straightened the bed
what is in the laundry bin? Pants ??

Or have the other one running up to the bedroom to check before the inspection. This whole thing is strange.

why is he wanking anyway

Me too.

Because that's normal behaviour? There's nothing wrong with having a wank. I find it a great reliever of stress.

no nothing wrong with wanking i meant all the cloak and dagger business, him rushing round making sure everything ok not upsetting the neighbours and her putting things online about it

Eternally grateful I am single

YANBU. Tell him when he does this either close the blinds or wash the bedding, get it dried and ironed and make the bed.