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Original poster

Husband canceling his game

138 replies

Springsunshine28 · 11/04/2025 23:38

My husband has a basketball game tomorrow, and since I’ll be working, he planned to take our 3-year-old daughter with him. He told me that two of the wives of his teammates—who I’ve met before and who know our daughter—would be there to keep an eye on her while he plays.
However, I messaged both of them and found out they won’t actually be there. I told my husband that I’m not comfortable with him taking her without someone I trust to watch her while he's on the court. He got a bit annoyed and said I clearly don’t trust him. He says she’ll just stay strapped in her pram and will be fine.
But I’m really not okay with that—she’s only 3, and I don’t think it’s safe or fair for her to be left like that with no one actively watching her. He’s now saying he’ll cancel, but I can tell he’s upset about it.
Just wondering—am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
singlewhitetrashheap · 11/04/2025 23:40

That is absolutely not okay. Someone could just come and push her away and then she'd be gone.

Poppyseeds79 · 11/04/2025 23:41

Of course it's not okay. It's not okay he told you a load of shite about the wives being there too.

Codlingmoths · 11/04/2025 23:41

There is no way I would take a 3yo to a basketball game without someone to supervise! I can never even follow my dcs games that well when my 3yo comes with me to watch and if I’m rostered for scoring and would have to bring her, I say its just me this week and I have my 3yo so can I swap and every other parent on all 3 teams has always understood. No way.

Codlingmoths · 11/04/2025 23:41

Did he just lie to you op? Re the other wives?

Codlingmoths · 11/04/2025 23:42

And say It wasn’t that you don’t trust him it’s that 3yos need watching and of bloody course he isn’t going to be watching them from the court?!! But now of course you don’t trust him since turns out he lies to you.

Brandyb · 11/04/2025 23:43

The thing that jumps out is that he lied about the setup to begin with - or was that a mistake? You have to have an honest other half to agree these arrangements with. If you have that, you find ways of making it work so you can still do your own stuff despite having kids. But kid needs to come first. If you don't trust that he will prioritize your daughter's well-being it's a problem.

Asparename · 11/04/2025 23:46

Of course you don’t trust him, he’s a bloody liar. Of course it’s not okay for him to leave a three year old in a buggy while he plays a game. A three year old is too old to be strapped in a buggy while he plays sport.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/04/2025 23:46

Obviously you don’t just strap a 3 yo in a pushchair and ignore them whilst you play basketball or do anything else! Otherwise parenthood would be an absolute doddle!

Original poster
Springsunshine28 · 11/04/2025 23:48

Brandyb · 11/04/2025 23:43

The thing that jumps out is that he lied about the setup to begin with - or was that a mistake? You have to have an honest other half to agree these arrangements with. If you have that, you find ways of making it work so you can still do your own stuff despite having kids. But kid needs to come first. If you don't trust that he will prioritize your daughter's well-being it's a problem.

Well he is not sure if they will come but saying they will come. I don't know I am quite annoyed really. 😒 he is really keen to play as he hadn't in a while and I get it. But not when nobody I trust to look after her will be there.

OP posts:
CountryMumof4 · 11/04/2025 23:49

If your daughter isn't going to be looked after properly during the match (as he'd originally indicated/lied about), then of course he should cancel - what would happen if she needed him? Would he head straight to her mid pass if needed? It's doubtful really. I do understand wanting to keep up with hobbies etc., but unless your child is being looked after properly, that's on him. As parents, we make sacrifices. I've had about 6 full nights' sleep in the same number of years and almost entirely given up ktwo hobbies - that's just life.

HeddaGarbled · 11/04/2025 23:51

Even if the random women were going to be there, it’s a bloody nerve of him to just assume they’ll do his childcare while he enjoys himself.

WallaceinAnderland · 11/04/2025 23:53

Look, when a grown man has to be told that he cannot leave his 3 year old child unsupervised, there is a massive problem.

Pessismistic · 11/04/2025 23:54

Springsunshine28 · 11/04/2025 23:38

My husband has a basketball game tomorrow, and since I’ll be working, he planned to take our 3-year-old daughter with him. He told me that two of the wives of his teammates—who I’ve met before and who know our daughter—would be there to keep an eye on her while he plays.
However, I messaged both of them and found out they won’t actually be there. I told my husband that I’m not comfortable with him taking her without someone I trust to watch her while he's on the court. He got a bit annoyed and said I clearly don’t trust him. He says she’ll just stay strapped in her pram and will be fine.
But I’m really not okay with that—she’s only 3, and I don’t think it’s safe or fair for her to be left like that with no one actively watching her. He’s now saying he’ll cancel, but I can tell he’s upset about it.
Just wondering—am I being unreasonable here?

Omg is he for real a game more important than his child? Let him cancel once he’s in the game he will probably forget all about her. I’m shocked he lied about the other wives. I’m glad you found out before he actually done this your poor dc just being left alone it’s horrible.

Mnetcurious · 12/04/2025 00:05

No way. A three year old needs to be properly supervised. He can’t possibly do that whilst he’s playing a game.

Backagainformorepunishment · 12/04/2025 00:07

I should hope you are more than " quite annoyed " OP.
His lack of concern for the safety and welfare of his child is appalling.
And the fact he casually misled you, or possibly outright lied, so he could go and play his sport, shows he is not a trust worthy partner.
You really need to be having a serious conversation with him about what parenting actually means.

Original poster
Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:08

We just had a conversation, and it turns out he wasn’t lying about the wives. One of his teammates had initially thought they were coming but they ended up canceling, which we only found out after I messaged them.
He assured me that he will keep an eye on her even while he’s playing, and emphasized that he’s not irresponsible. He also not talking much and I can tell that he is upset that he can't play.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 12/04/2025 00:09

Of course it’s not ok. Is he usually idiotic?

ChompandaGrazia · 12/04/2025 00:09

So she is strapped into a push chair? How long before she gets fed up with that and starts crying?

Original poster
Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:10

Backagainformorepunishment · 12/04/2025 00:07

I should hope you are more than " quite annoyed " OP.
His lack of concern for the safety and welfare of his child is appalling.
And the fact he casually misled you, or possibly outright lied, so he could go and play his sport, shows he is not a trust worthy partner.
You really need to be having a serious conversation with him about what parenting actually means.

I don't know how to confront him. I found out he is not outright lying and he really didn't know that they are not coming anymore but he is still saying that he knows ou daughter will be safe as he will be there constantly watching her even while he is playing. I am upset and wanting to talk but he is just not responding to anything I am saying now.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 12/04/2025 00:10

Your latest update makes him sound like a selfish arsehole.

Who puts their hobby before their 3 year old, seriously?

ChompandaGrazia · 12/04/2025 00:10

And how many times have you had to cancel a hobby or social engagement because your child needs looking after? I bet it’s happened a few times at least. Sorry but parenting a young child means compromise.

pipersgreen · 12/04/2025 00:11

for another perspective… I played pretty high semi professional sport with my son on the sidelines from age 1… there wasn’t always anyone specific named to watch him but all the subs / family watching would pitch in a bit. Is that not the set up here? It’s very unlikely anything would happen and surely all they need is to be near the team and collectively they’ll watch…

Mnetcurious · 12/04/2025 00:11

Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:08

We just had a conversation, and it turns out he wasn’t lying about the wives. One of his teammates had initially thought they were coming but they ended up canceling, which we only found out after I messaged them.
He assured me that he will keep an eye on her even while he’s playing, and emphasized that he’s not irresponsible. He also not talking much and I can tell that he is upset that he can't play.

“He assured me that he will keep an eye on her even while he’s playing”

Hope you pointed out that this is actually impossible.

suburberphobe · 12/04/2025 00:15

If I were a spectator there I'd be very worried to see a child in a buggy with no-one there to take care of her.

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2025 00:15

Realistically basketball it's indoors.
If she's parked beside the subs bench then surely they and the coaches would keep an eye on her as well as DH.

The issue will arise when she starts to get bored. How long is a basketball game?
Could he be subbed off or the other way round be subbed on later in the game?

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