Page 5 | Husband canceling his game

Springsunshine28 · 2025-04-11T22:38:05+00:00

My husband has a basketball game tomorrow, and since I’ll be working, he planned to take our 3-year-old daughter with him. He told me that two of the wives of his teammates—who I’ve met before and who know our daughter—would be there to keep an eye on her while he plays. However, I messaged both of them and found out they won’t actually be there. I told my husband that I’m not comfortable with him taking her without someone I trust to watch her while he's on the court. He got a bit annoyed and said I clearly don’t trust him. He says she’ll just stay strapped in her pram and will be fine. But I’m really not okay with that—she’s only 3, and I don’t think it’s safe or fair for her to be left like that with no one actively watching her. He’s now saying he’ll cancel, but I can tell he’s upset about it. Just wondering—am I being unreasonable here?

Original poster

Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 08:13

modgepodge · 12/04/2025 08:03

I actually think from a safety perspective it’s probably ok - I play netball which is probably a similar set up and there are breaks in the game every few seconds when the ball goes out or to set penalties or when a goal is scored, so he could look at her then. There will probably be coaches/subs who would be sat with the pram meaning a random person coming to wheel her away is highly unlikely.

that said, I wouldn’t do it. When this situation has arisen for me, I’ve skipped the game, or once got a friend to come and watch my child and play on the grass outside the court. When I had a tiny baby, I took him in the pram and went in kit but said I may not play - in the end one of my team mates was desperate for a baby cuddle so I did got on for half the game and she held the baby.

Most 3 year olds won’t sit quietly in a pram for over an hour, they’ll start crying/shouting which for me would be a distraction anyway and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the game. At that age toilet trips are unpredictable and urgent and I wouldn’t let just anyone take her to the loo.

once they’re a little bit older, it’s ok and quite normal in my opinion. Regularly there are kids aged 7/8+ on the side at games. My daughter is now 6 and I think I’m now at the point where I’d take her with an iPad and she’d be ok (but due to the existence of her younger brother this situation won’t arise for a while as he’d need childcare anyway!). But I wouldn’t have at 3.

Thank you. As I mentioned on my post earlier I am usually OK if I the people I personally know are there to keep an eye on her or play with her which they don't mind doing but not today. The toilet trips are the one I am worried about as I don't want random people to take her. Just feels so wrong.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2025 08:17

Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 08:01

I usually let him take her to games if the wives of his teammates who I've met and get along with me or my little one is there but at this instance they are not available so basically there would be no one to supervised her while he is playing aside from his team mates that'll be on the bleachers and my little one doesn't know them and she will be anxious.

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If you can’t see how bad it is that what you are modelling to your dd is that fathers do what they want and women, any women will do, will pick up the slack - then I hope she has some other role models in her life that will teach her about equality.

SaladSandwichesForTea · 12/04/2025 08:17

The biggest problem that I can see os that you come across like you think him being upset is a problem for you to solve.

It's not.

He made an error in judgement, agreed to take alternative and more appropriate action, and instead ofnaccetping that it's OK for him to feel a bit crap about not playing and let him have those feelings, you're now worried that you need to massage his ego and make everything OK. I'm not having a pop, I used to be the same. Thankfully he sounds like a nice enough bloke who got it a bit wrong, like anyone does sometimes. I'm not trying to kick you while you're down, I'm just making an observation that you might do well to take a breath and a moment to realise you aren't responsible for mamingsire everyone is happy all the time. It's a hard habit to break though! X

Sulu17 · 12/04/2025 08:18

I am shocked at the people saying it is ok to have a broadly unsupervised 3 year old at the edge of a basketball game. And I am not keen on a man who turns all quiet and 'cold shouldering' when this is pointed out to him.

Mnetcurious · 12/04/2025 08:23

MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble · 12/04/2025 01:43

‘because the other parent can’t be relied upon to ensure his child’s safety…’ In your opinion.

Gosh but there’s an awful lot of righteous certainty on here.

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It’s not an opinion that a person (man or woman) can’t simultaneously play a game of basketball and supervise a toddler. It’s a fact.

modgepodge · 12/04/2025 08:26

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2025 08:17

If you can’t see how bad it is that what you are modelling to your dd is that fathers do what they want and women, any women will do, will pick up the slack - then I hope she has some other role models in her life that will teach her about equality.

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If it helps, the same thing happens at hundreds of netball games up and down the country every Saturday - children (admittedly usually older than 3) sat on the side while their mum plays and other people watch them.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/04/2025 08:27

Pussygaloregalapagos · 12/04/2025 02:37

I disagree with most opinions on here. She can sit at edge of court in buggy or toddle about.

kids have always been toted about with parents doing stuff that doesn’t directly involve them. It is life.

it is great your husband has active life and willing to take the babe with him.

if you disagree could you get a friend to watch her?

Sit in the buggy or "toddle about"?

Have you met a three year old recently? They do not toddle, neither do they sit comfortably in a buggy for any length of time, because they will be quite squashed and their feet will be practically trailing on the ground.

A three year old is a child, not a baby or a toddler. My son started school when he was three. I don't think he has actually sat in a buggy since he turned two.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2025 08:28

The whole point @modgepodgeis that she is, indeed, 3.

PishPish · 12/04/2025 08:30

Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:10

I don't know how to confront him. I found out he is not outright lying and he really didn't know that they are not coming anymore but he is still saying that he knows ou daughter will be safe as he will be there constantly watching her even while he is playing. I am upset and wanting to talk but he is just not responding to anything I am saying now.

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So, even when he was assuming that two teammates’ wives would do his childcare, which in itself is outrageous, he hadn’t actually messaged them to ask?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/04/2025 08:31

modgepodge · 12/04/2025 08:26

If it helps, the same thing happens at hundreds of netball games up and down the country every Saturday - children (admittedly usually older than 3) sat on the side while their mum plays and other people watch them.

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A three year old is right in that age bracket where they're too old to be strapped into a buggy and too young to be left unsupervised or even with people they don't know very well, even for a short time.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/04/2025 08:32

PishPish · 12/04/2025 08:30

So, even when he was assuming that two teammates’ wives would do his childcare, which in itself is outrageous, he hadn’t actually messaged them to ask?

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Yeah, this is quite wild.

The assumption that two women be barely knows have nothing better to do with their Saturday morning than sit on the sidelines watching their hubbies throw a ball around, and that they won't mind providing him with free childcare, even though he hasn't even contacted them to ask. The mind boggles.

Mnetcurious · 12/04/2025 08:41

modgepodge · 12/04/2025 08:26

If it helps, the same thing happens at hundreds of netball games up and down the country every Saturday - children (admittedly usually older than 3) sat on the side while their mum plays and other people watch them.

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“children (admittedly usually older than 3) sat on the side while their mum plays”

older than 3 is the key point though. I’m sure if op’s child was 6 or 7 she wouldn’t have the same concerns.

rainbowstardrops · 12/04/2025 08:51

I’m glad he’s seen sense and cancelled his game but jeez, he honestly thought it’s perfectly ok to dump a 3 year old at the side, in their pushchair and the good little women would pick up the slack for him? Awful.

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2025 08:58

user1492757084 · 12/04/2025 01:00

This. It is not the Olympics so DH can always leave the court, if need be.
And suggest that he texts around his team mates and asks if any of their older kids, or girlfriends, would like to be paid to entertain 3 year old in her pram beside the court, for cash.

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That's a good shout to get an older kid to play with her.

modgepodge · 12/04/2025 08:58

Mnetcurious · 12/04/2025 08:41

“children (admittedly usually older than 3) sat on the side while their mum plays”

older than 3 is the key point though. I’m sure if op’s child was 6 or 7 she wouldn’t have the same concerns.

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I absolutely agree that the age is an issue. I was responding to the comment about it teaching her that men can do what they like and women will pick up the slack. Because plenty of women also do this while they play netball - whilst the kids are generally older than 3, there is still an assumption that someone (probably a woman) is vaguely keeping an eye on a 7/8/9 year old, as one wouldn’t usually leave a child that age unattended in a public place either.

bigvig · 12/04/2025 09:06

Of course it's wrong to have a toddler unsupervised. It's also wrong to expect the wives of friends to supervise her without actually asking them! Your husband should also be made aware he should sort out childcare not just rely on whatever random woman happens to be about. I'd be really annoyed if instead of relaxing and watching a game I had to supervise a 3 year old.

skippy67 · 12/04/2025 09:20

modgepodge · 12/04/2025 08:03

I actually think from a safety perspective it’s probably ok - I play netball which is probably a similar set up and there are breaks in the game every few seconds when the ball goes out or to set penalties or when a goal is scored, so he could look at her then. There will probably be coaches/subs who would be sat with the pram meaning a random person coming to wheel her away is highly unlikely.

that said, I wouldn’t do it. When this situation has arisen for me, I’ve skipped the game, or once got a friend to come and watch my child and play on the grass outside the court. When I had a tiny baby, I took him in the pram and went in kit but said I may not play - in the end one of my team mates was desperate for a baby cuddle so I did got on for half the game and she held the baby.

Most 3 year olds won’t sit quietly in a pram for over an hour, they’ll start crying/shouting which for me would be a distraction anyway and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the game. At that age toilet trips are unpredictable and urgent and I wouldn’t let just anyone take her to the loo.

once they’re a little bit older, it’s ok and quite normal in my opinion. Regularly there are kids aged 7/8+ on the side at games. My daughter is now 6 and I think I’m now at the point where I’d take her with an iPad and she’d be ok (but due to the existence of her younger brother this situation won’t arise for a while as he’d need childcare anyway!). But I wouldn’t have at 3.

I play netball too, what you've said is spot on! My DC always had a "netball auntie" ready to step in if needed. I definitely wouldn't have had them unsupervised by the court at 3 though.

Inmyhands · 12/04/2025 10:34

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/04/2025 08:32

Yeah, this is quite wild.

The assumption that two women be barely knows have nothing better to do with their Saturday morning than sit on the sidelines watching their hubbies throw a ball around, and that they won't mind providing him with free childcare, even though he hasn't even contacted them to ask. The mind boggles.

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💯

BlondeMummyto1 · 12/04/2025 10:36

There’s no way any three year old I know would happily sit in a pram for periods of time like this. He doesn’t have childcare so can’t play. It’s as simple as that.

Comewhatmay25 · 12/04/2025 11:20

My three year old and I've seen many others lie behind the bench with headphones on and iPad and the room could be on fire and they wouldn't move! I think if you're not used to the environment, then you may think it's worse than it is. But it may only be a local league with just the 2 teams and maybe 4 supporters on a good day. Also, if you've been part of the team for a while it becomes like a family. I always pack extra snack for the other kids that may be there, and my DS has been shouting calls and helping with the scoreboard since he was 3. Depends what your child is use to.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2025 11:52

The sexism lies completely in the fact that whichever the sex is playing the sport, it seems to be only women who are expected to do the unpaid for, and if the parent is the ops husband, doesn’t even have the manners do ask, childcare.

If there isn’t equal numbers of wives telling their working husbands ‘yeah, I wanna play netball, probably one of the dads on the sideline will look after her if they’re there. If not, I’ll strap him down so I can do what I like. What? You have an issue with that. Well then I’m going to sulk and give you silent treatment until you massage my ego’ and the husband then feeling bad they’re upset.

if that isn’t happening equally, then this is the everyday sexism that exists currently in our society

ChompandaGrazia · 12/04/2025 12:21

If a mother was partaking in her hobby while her three year old was glued to an iPad for hours I bet that people would have plenty to say about it.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 12/04/2025 12:24

A three year old will not stay strapped into a pram for long. He is being ridiculous.

Dinosweetpea · 12/04/2025 12:34

I play basketball and there's not a chance in hell he can keep an eye on her properly (or leave the court if it's an actual game.) In our league we aren't allowed U18s there without a designated (non playing) adult with them at all times. Its a safeguarding issue.

gamerchick · 12/04/2025 12:38

He planned to keep her strapped into her pram unattended all along. I'd be wondering how many times he's done that and he knew you wouldn't approve because he knows its wrong.

Yes he needs to cancel his game.