To think it’s fair to judge people on their appearance in certain situations?

[ThisQuickLemonPoster]

If someone shows up to a job interview in a stained hoodie or if a teacher is overweight and unkempt, it does affect how seriously I take them. AIBU to think “don’t judge a book by its cover” only goes so far?

You may have backed down over the 'overweight teacher' example, but you still chose it as an example. And, frankly, it casts a poor light on your judgement generally. I don't think people should turn up to work dirty or unkempt, but an interesting question would be : Would you rather your child were taught by a fantastic, inspiring, talented but unkempt teacher, or a slim, smart, mediocre or incompetent one? I know which I would choose...

My cousin rocked up to my mums funeral in ripped jeans. We hadn't seen him in years and it meant so much that he was just himself and so comfortable around her that he didn't feel the need to dress up. I'll never forget that. He travelled 2 and a half hours to be there and I could not give one shiny shite about his clothing. He's a good man and his character shines out far more than his clothing.

Agree. There's a difference between dirty and scruffy vs a few extra lbs. Ffs.

And also sort yourself out with the fat shaming. It shows you in a far poorer light.

The dead are dead and dont care what you wearing.
That comment from a supposed employee at a funeral directors really fucked me off.

I’m overweight and look like a right mess most days not a teacher tho definitely more than frazzled in fact I’ve been sat in a jumper with a coffee stain on it and smells like dog, does it stop me doing my job…no, does being fat stop me from doing my job…no

Do I give a shiny shit if you judge me…nope 🤷‍♀️

Do I give a shit if you turn up for a job interview in a stained hoody…nope i judge on the answers to the questions…

do i judge my children’s overweight teachers…nope I judge them on their ability to teach my children

As I’ve gotten older I have noticed I don’t have time for all of this now

There is a huge teacher recruitment and retention crisis. Wanting good teachers to leave because they're scruffy would be insane, frankly. As would believing smartly dressed and professional-looking equals good teacher.

I dont judge anyone i dont go around judging people either.
To me its if they speak nice and polite and have respect i dont give a hoot what clothes they have on or what the scales say on how heavy they are.

Mind you don’t scuff your shoes or ruin your suit when climbing down from your high horse.
Im so glad I didn’t come across someone like you when planning my partners or my sons funeral because the last thing anyone needs at that time is a stuck up judgemental cock looking down on them.

Scruffy and dirty for an interview - yes I would judge

Unkempt - it would impact my view slightly. For example, too lazy to brush your hair and wash yiur face today, so how can I take you seriously. Let's remind ourselves, that underweight and average weight people can also be Unkempt (myself included on an occasional Sunday to tbh).

Unkempt and overweight are not the same thing.

A person's weight only means something to me if they are about to sit on me, or i have to pick them up tbh. So unless I'm about to do kettle bell swings with the human in question, no i wouldn't judge their weight.

I can't vote, because I think you are bang on right on the one hand, and bang out of order on the second.

For. Interviews, of course people should look as smart as possible. Cleanliness is the basic level required. That one is simple.

On the weight, you are getting yourself into a can of worms. There are so, so many reasons why people are overweight, from poverty to medication to self-loathing. None of those have anything to do with whether or not a person can teach well. I'm bloody marvellous at my job, and I'm a size 20. Thirty years of nasty medication mean that I eat like a bloody tiny bird, and yet never lose any weight. I only have to look at the olive oil bottle and my body goes into store mode. Some stupid idiots will judge me negatively, when they should be judging me on what I've achieved despite horrid disabilities. Best to steer clear of the judgement altogether, really, because you just don't know. And anyway, if they do spend their gym budget on Snickers and kebabs, do you really think that means they can't teach? The only things they probably can't teach are PE and home economics. Otherwise....

When my DH's father died, he couldn't possibly have sorted out something to wear - he was far too distressed. He only wears jeans or shorts - he did not own a pair of presentable trousers. I got him kitted out in a suit, but if he hadn't had me, he would have had to go in jeans. Some people find the death of a loved one rather upsetting, you know... And as an organisational psychologist (or physiologist...), I can tell you that you hire the person who can best do the job, and simply ask them to smarten up when they join. Your candidate wasn't dirty, just less polished. Never take the second best, even if they do have a clean chin and shinier shoes 🙄

People are judged all the time on their appearance. We all do it, constantly. Like it or not.
it’s often unconscious bias. But usually it’s reasonably fair. A persons appearance does say something about them.

Why did you say it then? What do you think made you say you wouldn't take an overweight teacher seriously?
Because fat people are lazy? Because fat people look gross? Because fat people smell? Because fat people are stupid?
You didn't just accidentally type it. It came from your prejudices, as a person who judges fat people as inferior, or lacking in some way. Now that is something to judge a person for.

Thinking this too. What does weight have to do with it? Body size has nothing to do with your ability to do a job. Unless you're in the police force (running, fitness level etc) or a personal trainer.

And I say this is a skinny person, before someone comes in with a 'you must be overweight' comment...:/

Agree it's very bizarre. And also, overweight doesn't imply unkept. A skinny or mid-size person could be scruffy and unkempt.

And what has weight got to do with professionalism?

Exactly. But in the OPs mind, clearly the two are linked. Because lazy fatties can't be arsed looking decent.
And then people flock to the 'expensive death jabs' threads, judging the same overweight people for trying to lose weight using Wegovy or Mounjaro!

Tell me more about these men who have no trousers.

Kilts? Sarongs? I am here for all such things.

Lycra, not so much.

Do you have an overwhelming number of male clients in cycling gear needing to arrange funerals?

Is this a murder club?

I'd actually be more keen to give the lad a job (someone has to give him a chance at working) and a stained hoodie wouldn't put me off; he's out at interviews and looking for work.

The stained hoodie would have me thinking that he might have got it stained on the way or maybe doesn't have the clothes most would expect an interviewee to turn up in because HE HASN'T GOT MONEY BECAUSE HE HASN'T GOT A JOB.

Job = money
Clothes cost money

Stains etc, fair enough.

Weight? Nah. Unless you're doing something very physical as a job, it doesn't really matter. Also being overweight does not equal stained clothes and not caring about appearance, like this post seems to imply. Overweight=/= lazy.

Also, we don't owe the world attractiveness. Especially women, who imo feel more pressure around this. Who cares if you look ugly at work? It's okay to be ugly. I don't think I'm ugly, but I don't wear makeup at work because I frankly cba, and my hair is naturally very wavy and frizzy. I don't want to style it everyday. I am the way I am. To some people my hair probably looks unkempt, but it isn't, it's been washed and brushed, it's just flighty and goes bushy easily 🤷

Erm this. Wtf is wrong with you OP

OP has judged teachers, and probably not just teachers, for being overweight because it’s easy to. I’d imagine they, and others, see unkempt and overweight teachers and think they’re lazy, can’t be bothered with their appearance, etc. But a slim unkempt teacher would be excused as spent all day with kids, probably having a bad day etc.
Same with stained shirts. I’d bet money on the fact that the person with the stained shirt was overweight (greedy, sloppy, clearly stained their shirt while stuffing their face) rather than slim (who obviously just accidentally spilled some of their breakfast).

I went for a medical appointment a few weeks ago and they wrote a letter to my GP to summarise the appointment.

I’ gained weight recently, I think some is due to age, some is a medical issue that means I can’t exercise as much. I’m 4 foot 10 so have to exercise a lot if I want to stay slim or seriously restrict what I eat. I’ve probably only been having an extra few hundred calories a week and I gained 12 pounds but that’s two dress sizes at my height.

I went to previous appointments wearing more fitted clothes but I’m conscious about my weight gain so I went to this one wearing jeans and a hoodie (it was cold too!) but had on an expensive coat, my hair was washed and styled, I wore make up and looked the same as previously except for the clothes.

I got a copy of the letter sent to my GP, it described me as “unkempt”. I compared it to past letters where I was described as “nicely presented”.

I’m guessing this wasn’t just due to a (clean nice) hoody, this was likely about my weight gain. When I was a size 8-10 I was “nicely presented” but a 12-14 seemed to mean I’ve let myself go.

I was really upset and felt so judged, luckily my GP didn’t try to fob me off, she said I wasn’t the first person to have felt judged by this medical professional and implied heavily that she didn’t have a good opinion of the woman herself. This made me feel so much better but my self esteem was shot to pieces after that letter.

I did question if I might have been mistaken but I lost 9 of those 12 pounds before my last appointment last week. The first thing the woman said to me was “oh you look much better”.

I was wearing the same jeans, same coat, hair and make up the same and just a different more fitted top.

Since when does carrying a bit of extra weight make people slovenly?! I could understand if I’d gone to the appointment smelling and dirty but I appeared to be classed as a slob because of my weight.

The unkept comment would really hack me off @FurFangsPawsAndClaws, and I would contest it.