To think it’s fair to judge people on their appearance in certain situations?

[ThisQuickLemonPoster]

If someone shows up to a job interview in a stained hoodie or if a teacher is overweight and unkempt, it does affect how seriously I take them. AIBU to think “don’t judge a book by its cover” only goes so far?

I work in social care and I've found that most of the time if someone is unkempt it's for a good reason. It's usually someone who is either stressed, overwhelmed, has poor mental health, has had a major life event like a birth or death, spends most of their time caring for others and hasn't time or support to think of their appearance or has never been taught how to care for themselves. It's better to have empathy and an open mind.

As a teacher I look great first thing in the morning but by 3pm, my hair is a mess, my clothes and shoes are covered in flour and I usually smell. If I am meeting people after school for external meetings, I usually change, but internal meetings I don’t, and I hope I am not judged!
I am not hugely overweight now but I certainly used to be, whilst I don’t think being a bit overweight impacts your ability to teach, being morbidly obese does. I’ve been that teacher that my hips hurt and I don’t want to walk across the classroom, and I see it in very obese teachers now who huff and puff when walking around school and going up and down stairs.
They (and previously me) do not have the energy and ability to keep up with the kids. Obviously it doesn’t mean they can’t teach but they would be better teachers if they were a bit fitter.

The reality is that we all judge people based on different things and I think this is reasonable and part of our nature but I would question what you mean by "overweight" and think it's one thing to judge by clothing or piercings or things people
can choose or change and another to judge based on personal appearance.

But you can be unkept and normal weight or over weight and look immaculate. Those two things are not linked.

Stained hoody at an interview, would I judge, deep down probably yes but on reflection depending on the job, that could be someone who has been out of work for a while. Living hand to mouth, no money for new clothes and doing their best with limited resources.

Appearance is one aspect of how someone chooses to present themselves and I don't see any reason we should have to ignore any signals that are sent by it (consciously or unconsciously) so YANBU. It's one factor among very many factors of course

Even if you see someone who looks "unkempt" and think "someone who isn't shallow and frivolous about looks, fantastic" it's a judgment!

I read it as he felt he had the edge physiologically/physically. 🙈😂

He can fuck off anyway as he judges bereaved people for what they are wearing.

Very shallow

I’m a teacher and the more experience, expertise and, as a result, seniority and responsibility I gained, the more weight I gained as the job is bloody hard. But I was a far better teacher than when I started and when I was extremely fit and slim - and my results were evidence of that. So YABVU.

This thread is going to do wonders for teacher recruitment - not. Why not choose nurses, doctors or estate agents as examples? I was a teacher for over 25 years and keeping on top of exercise, laundry, and ironing was impossible when working 60-70 hour weeks.

How about we cut down the number of tasks teachers are expected to do so they have time to cook healthy meals, get some exercise and strive for sartorial elegance? Grades will drop and there won’t be as many children with EHCPs, but at least the horrendous spectacle of teachers who are overweight with stained clothes won’t be a problem 🙄

I would probably wonder how effective a PE teacher who was very overweight was.

And an Art Teacher who was very smart and immaculately dressed. (Surely they should have a smudge of paint in their hair!)

Maths teachers are interesting. Dd had a maths teacher who before the parents evening I already felt was very poor. (I’m a mathematician - I can back this up!) He was very unkempt at the parents evening which I felt backed up my opinion of his poorness,

However, if I had felt he was a brilliant maths teacher then I would have been quite happy with his appearance and felt it was quite appropriate for a brilliant mathematician. (I work with a lot of mathematicians. The “mad genius” stereotype comes from truth.)

So short answer - I care most how good people are at maths not what they look like. 😂

There is a shortage of Maths teachers, so please feel free to offer up your mathematical skills to the profession.

nurse checking slender patient’s height to weignt ratio (this one’s personal)

front line police officer
fireman/woman/person
athlete
gymnast
professional dancer (although, has anyone ever noticed, well built men with
small feet are often light footed and excellent movers)
trapeze artists
roofers
jockeys
tree surgeon
telephone linesman
model
lifeguard
there must be many more

I often meet overweight nurses and I understand that they work 13-hour shifts with a 20-minute break if they’re lucky. Then they get home and have to wash their uniforms that are usually stained with other people’s bodily fluids. I don’t judge them at all and I’m grateful they turn up for work.

Yonks ago I worked in recruitment. It was such an eye opener. In the begining I didnt get why my exceptional candidates would get rejected for ridiculous reasons by clients. It was only when my best candidate, an Indian IT guy was rejected working for the corporate office of a famous luxuary brand for such a weak reason did my boss (also Indian) pulled me to one side and explained the harsh reality. Put my third best white candidate forwards and got the job instantly. Weight, gender, race, religion - even a northern/cockney accents would scupper the chances of an exceptional candidate even being put forwards. They knew it was a waste of time. Gradually I found myself doing it until I become the top biller in the entire company every quarter. Thay and due to the fact I am white on the phone and black in person so EVERY new client meeting started off with an awkward exchange like shaking hands with my subordinate assuming it was me or being told off for using the main entrance as deliveries go around the back. Once was scolded at for 'being late' as reception thought I was the new security guard! Worked in my favor as I would get their business out of sheer embarrassment to not seem racist. 🤣 After 2 years of that I felt so disgusted with myself and quit.

I would raise an eyebrow at an overweight healthcare worker telling me I needed to lose weight or a dentist with tartar lecturing me about flossing, maybe!

Why on earth did you single out having a problem with overweight teachers specifically?!

From your thread title, I opened the thread to agree with you.
There are absolutely situations where people should think more carefully about what they wear, and yes, I would judge someone turning up to a wedding or an interview in their joggers.

But then I read your opening post, and you've completely lost me.

You would be very unfair to judge anyone on their weight. Why would you judge a teacher for being overweight? You're mad.

I wouldn’t mind if an overweight nurse told me to lose weight unless they were rude about it but that applies to a slim nurse too.

I may not go to them for weight loss advice, but if they’re just being factual about letting me know I’m overweight and advising on what’s best for my health then it is what it is.

If my BMI is say 30 that doesn’t change whether it’s a fat or slimmer nurse telling me that.

And unlike a nurse I don’t do shift work and probably have a lot more energy and time to cook healthy meals and get my steps in. Everyone’s situations different.

My normally very slim aunt who is a nurse went through a very overweight period in her 50s - she was also promoted right to a very senior position about then. I feel it was linked to that and the loss of her husband.

She lost the weight again but I’m sure the health advice she gave during her overweight phase was just as valuable.

Teacher-bashing is a favourite pastime for some people. It’s one of the main reasons I left the profession.

Try putting up with 30+ children and looking calm, clean and collected by 3.30pm every day... and then working through the evening to get things done... and then you'll see why there are unkempt teachers!

It's very unpleasant to judge people on their appearances. As someone who got bullied a lot at school for my appearance (i.e. something that couldn't be helped at the time), and had to put up with several judgemental relatives, I learnt to hate myself. Interestingly, people treated me much more nicely when the main problem with my appearance was fixed. However, that didn't stop their comments on other areas of my appearance. I'm not the kind of person who has sleek, shiny hair, or perfect skin, but I'm still a human being with feelings that are just as valid as anyone else's.

Even now, I get treated very differently based on what I'm wearing (i.e. looked down on for my work clothes, but treated with deference and respect if I dare to step out in a skirt or a smart coat). Throw in my accent or my name, and that throws other curveballs.

Some of the kindest people in this world dress down, or have unusual accents, names or mannerisms. Some of the nastier people might look nice, but it doesn't make them a better person.

As a result, I try to look past what's on the outside. It's what's on the inside that matters most. Perhaps, if everyone tried to do that, the world would be a much nicer and kinder place to live in.

Why on earth did you go for overweight?? You had a point but then you blew it.

This thread reminds me of that film Happiness, and how hard that guy worked to gain employment whilst being homeless as a single parent. We judge a person on their character and abilities for the role, when we're at our best and most humane.

but whats the point in looking the part if they got no skills or suitable experience for the role ? all fluff and no cake

that said i do agree it does help to look the part

This right here. Anymore than anorexia is a character flaw.