AIBU to feel scammed by breastfeeding

[PickledElectricity]

Kind of joking, kind of not.

I breastfed my DS until he was 19 months old (he's now 2) and despite this he's had every bug going at nursery, is allergic to nuts and now seems to have hay fever! I'm gutted as he loves to be outside and is now sneezing, congested, has puffy red eyes and a runny nose.

Where are the miracle benefits I was promised?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad I did it, it was lovely for bonding and saved my life and sanity in the middle of the night, and tbh I am a very lazy person and couldn't face washing and sterilising bottles every single day.

Yeah OP not everything we are “sold”
as women are actually beneficial. I did breastfeed for 3 months but also used formula. (Was living in the Middle East when I had her so breast feeding in public was difficult) I actually think the vitamins etc in formula are beneficial. DD is now 15 no allergies, was hardly ever ill as a baby despite being in nursery etc but this is anecdotal. Women need to stop judging each other for the decisions we make in this regard and take a balanced view on everything we are being “sold”. (Beauty standards, surrogacy etc)

Formula milk is a complete food; breastmilk requires vit K and vit D supplementation.

Breastfeeding benefits are over exaggerated. They are there but honestly- look at a class of five year olds. Nobody can tell who was bf and who was ff. Sadly I fell for the exaggerated claims so thought I was doing untold harm to my baby when I ff due to not being able to bf. Turns out I didn’t need to worry at all.

Because ff babies don’t bond…..

Its this sort of rubbish new mums can do without.
And YOU found it easy. If it was so easy we wouldn’t have bf peer supporters, page after page of bf advice, women in tears because they struggle, women with PND because they struggle.

Having done both, the breastfeeding cost about double the formula. It isn’t free at all. Despite being told that antenatally.

And for some it never becomes “easy”. I loathed it, although by nine months it was more “meh boring” than outright loathing of every moment spent BFing.

Having done both, the breastfeeding cost about double the formula.

How was it more expensive @ConfusedAnxiousMum?
I BF, but also used some formula later on and found the latter to be expensive?

No I didn't find it easy, that's why I said once established. The first few weeks were really difficult.

Feeding bras and tops, extra food, extra vitamins, pump and bottles maybe, steriliser if pumping.....

What was the cost? I used alot of lanolin when I first started, maybe a tube and then some gel packs (can't remember what they were called). I did buy a breast pump and bottles, but never ended up really using them so that was a waste, but the price of these varies and they're not all expensive.

I formula fed, I wanted to breastfeed but it just wasn’t working, I loved that DH could help. He was able to do some of the night feeds whilst I slept and it really helped me recover from the birth. I would’ve loved to breast feed for the cuddles and minimal cost etc, but my formula fed 5 boy is a a strapping lad and I can say that I don’t think either really makes a huge difference!

Completely misses point of the thread!

I assume your 5 year old isn’t waking up for a feed? If she is and is calling daddy 9/10 she’s a little muddled.

Okay.
I didn’t use feeding tops. I BF quite a while ago now so they weren’t really so much a thing. Normal tops are fine. Usually a string top under a tshirt or shirt works well to provide cover. Or a light scarf.
I did invest in a few bras.

Pumps are optional (I hated pumping and never did so for my youngest who I BF for 3.5 years). Sterilisers only needed if you pump or FF alongside. I didn’t take extra vitamins. I think I ate normally enough. I remember being very thirsty at the start 😁

The DC all have allergies and asthma etc, but that’s genetics for you 🤷‍♀️

That's you though, the other poster clearly did spend more 🤷‍♀️

I too think it's overrated, and breastfed both ds's, but agree with Windsor above in a class of 5 year olds you can't tell.

Eating even one or two extra substantial snacks per day will bump up grocery bills significantly. Some women feel really hungry while breastfeeding.

Also let's not forget, breastfeeding is only free if women's time and labour are worth nothing. It has a significant opportunity cost.

Didn't miss the point of the thread. But the point of the response. You can breastfeed and not be the default parent. And no my DD doesn't feed at night because like a decent parent she has age appropriate boundries.

Breastfeeding requires fair boundries like all other aspects of parenting.

Haha what a crock of shite

I BF mine until he was nearly two. He’s 7 now, sleeps like a dream (and has since he was a toddler) and is just as close to his dad as he is to me.

Also, no allergies, no hayfever, very rarely ill

I don’t think you can base it just on your own child. It’s a population level thing

Yes, she clearly did. The point is she didn’t have to and I think it’s misleading to say BF costs twice as much as formula feeding.
That was doubtless her experience, but wouldn’t be true in general.
Maybe if you invest in everything you could possibly need and then it doesn’t work out it turns out to be expensive. But otherwise no.

My advice is to keep things simple. Buy two nursing bras and just see how you get on after that.

This I do agree with.

You're right, I have no bond with my child. Now she's 11 I'm sending her out into the wild to fend for myself.

FFS do breastfeeding mums really believe they have some special magical bond with their child that formula feeding mums don't? 🤣🤣🤣

What ‘miracle benefits’? Sure it’s ‘best’ but you can’t walk into a nursery and say ‘oh that child’s BF that one isn’t’. YABU believing that.

I’m very critical of the pressure to breastfeed - but this was not my experience in that mine were both bottle fed but still only wanted me in the middle of the night!

Interesting point about c section and allergies - DS2 has hayfever and was a cs baby- but then I have had it since my 20s and was not born via cs.

Several bf babies I know (not cs) have had eczema and hay fever and are generally less healthy than my two. When the midwife discharged me after DS1 she told me she’d rarely seen a uterus contract down so quickly as mine. I put that down to daily pram walking whatever the weather and eating well because I was sleeping well - no middle of the night waking after about 6 weeks. I was well rested, fit and healthy and enjoyed mat leave. I don’t know a single bf mum who had it as easy as I did, and several were in a pretty bad state by 6 months postpartum. There is so much nonsense peddled about bf. My GP put it well - if it’s easy for you and working well, great. But don’t try to battle through - far better to bottle feed.

I think this is an excellent post @AliasGrape

I didn't produce milk properly and my first was readmitted to hospital for failure to thrive. I tried to carry on BF but it was clear be was happier on formula (he necks drinks in one at 12 and gulps down his food. I can see why).

I was more successful with his sister. There's no difference between them in terms of health or allergies. She has more sensitive skin and is prone to a bad cough. I think my son has vomited once in his life and then bounced back.

I work with scientific studies and I'm not really sure how you ever draw proper conclusions from the data. I'm pro breastfeeding but I think some of the differences touted in the community are over blown and that if it isn't working, nothing trumps a well mother.

With my first I read posts on here about people who stayed in and pumped/fed for eight weeks to establish feeding. I'm an outdoor person. I feel down after a single day in the house. Good for those people but my mental health would be on the floor if I did that and although I was sad at the time (cried and felt I'd failed my baby), with the benefit of hindsight is was absolutely the right decision and he was a transformed baby on formula. Before that I couldn't enjoy a cuddle like everyone else as he was like a rabid dog if he could smell milk so the bonding argument also didn't apply.

I BF for 18 months and my DD still ended up having terrible eczema. I think a lot of the benefits are financial 😂