AIBU to feel scammed by breastfeeding

[PickledElectricity]

Kind of joking, kind of not.

I breastfed my DS until he was 19 months old (he's now 2) and despite this he's had every bug going at nursery, is allergic to nuts and now seems to have hay fever! I'm gutted as he loves to be outside and is now sneezing, congested, has puffy red eyes and a runny nose.

Where are the miracle benefits I was promised?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad I did it, it was lovely for bonding and saved my life and sanity in the middle of the night, and tbh I am a very lazy person and couldn't face washing and sterilising bottles every single day.

Most of the supposed long-term benefits are linked to socioeconomic status- sibling studies have shown this. Formula fed children from privileged families have better outcomes than poor breastfed children.

I’m not talking about iq!.

I’m taking about risk of developing Crohns, type1 diabetes etc

And even where breastfed siblings can be shown as having slightly higher IQs, it's impossible to determine whether this is a result of breastfeeding. It may be that babies born slightly more intelligent are more successful at breastfeeding.

😅😅😅

And there is no convincing evidence of this where large siblings studies have been performed. The only thing that persists is slightly higher IQ.

My DS caught chicken pox from his brother at six weeks old. I was breastfeeding him. I have four children, breastfed them all the for various amounts of time. The first two children for the longest they both have allergies.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1361236/

Hadn’t read that before @Smallmercies so thank you. Just skimmed but..

They looked at the health of adolescents…many conditions develop later.

They didn’t look at Crohns, for example, which often develops in a person’s thirties.

Diabetes (at least until adolescence) does seem to be the same but they said their sample size was too small for meaningful conclusion.

What they looked at was primarily weight, asthma/allergies, diabetes, learning outcomes, bond with mother.

It’s great they’re doing these studies but there is a lot left out of that one (by necessity of course). It will take time and much more work to build up a complete picture.

Interesting that cognitive ability did seem higher in the BF siblings. I hadn’t realised that study had been done.

My ds was breastfeed for only 2 weeks via puimping but after that ff. He was the healthiest child growing up and was very, very rarely ill. Even now, he's really well. Just completed college and in 2 years didn't have one day off sick. Throughout secondary, so 6 years, was off for a day once or twice.

You have to look at large numbers, at populations, to see trends. To see if something is having an impact or not.

However your mother fed you @TheJollyMoose we should all be doing the opposite, as something clearly went wrong there

Well based on your past comments, you would think that wouldn't you? Why is this so important to you? Why does it matter to you whether people breastfeed or not? What possible difference could it make to you? People make their decision based on all sorts of different criteria. Some will be persuaded to BF by the science and a desire to give their offspring any advantage that BF might piossibly confer, be it large or small. Others will do it because they can't be arsed with bottles and sterilising, and some will have been coerced into it by health care professionals or very judgy people (no name, no packdrill!). Some will know that they really don't want to do it under any circumstances. Whatever they decide it's really none of your business and your opinions, particularly when they are voiced so nastily, really won't change anyone's mind.

I agree. If someone is called a shit parent for formula feeding though, they are going to react.

So you’ve cherry picked ONE study out of the thousands that exist with the vast majority showing that breastfeeding has (as any idiot would expect) important health benefits?

To be fair, sibling studies are good as they help control for confounding factors.
Controls are always crucial.

Of course and that's understandable but I don't think one person saying something they absolutely shouldn't to another person then justifies many other comments attacking anyone else who breastfeeds/has breastfed and sharing things that simply aren't true. It's not helpful to anyone and pretty petty all round.

Personally I heard much more derogatory comments against women who breastfeed and much more encouragement to use formula (once baby was born), than the other way round. But that may have been because I breastfed so was more sensitive. I was determined to do what was best for my baby no matter how difficult it was for me but often these comments made me feel ashamed of breastfeeding which is really unfair.

And could you please lay out exactly “what sort of parent” you think that would make someone?

Trust me, if you formula feed from birth and don't feel the need to act ashamed/guilty or hide the fact that you didn't try to breastfeed, the comments come.

The comments also tend to be worse. I can't imagine anyone who breastfeeds has been told they shouldn't be parents, asked why they bothered having a baby etc.

Comments are wrong no matter what of course but I still don't think you can compare ''smug'' to ''shit parent who shouldn't have children''.

Perhaps read the article?

And to make anyone unable to BF who perhaps wanted to feel absolutely stricken that their baby “ingested a UPF” all day. Yeah, good one.

Why do women hate women so much?

On the contrary, my comment encourages people who can breastfeed to try, since obviously it is amazing if you can avoid formula. If you are unable to BF then it’s not the end of the world, just as I had a C section and while not ideal for gut health it’s not the end of the world.

We shouldn’t lie and pretend formula is just as good as breast milk just to save the feelings of mothers who can’t do it. Similarly, I couldn’t give birth naturally, I wouldn’t be here shouting at people for sharing facts about it generally being better to do so if possible.
,

@Lorlorlorikeet praising the benefits of breastfeeding is not the same as bashing women who choose to use formula. It IS what nature intended and that's a fact. But nature also intended for a lot of babies to die so, really, nature's intention probably isn't all that's cracked up to be in 2025.

As a breastfeeding mum, I cannot even count the number of disapproving comments I've had from other mums. My baby is 7 months old and colleagues from work and friends with older children all feel the need to remind me that, apparently:

• breastfeeding has no benefits after 6 months
• I'm being a martyr because I should want to go out more and leave baby for the weekend
• it's my fault baby if baby becomes clingy

This is in addition to midwives in hospital pushing formula on me (easier on them to make a bottle than help me latch a screaming newborn after a c section obviously)

Every time I've had a question, especially in the early days about cluster feeding etc, literally everyone felt the need to remind me I can give formula.

I ended up paying for a private lactation consultant because I needed someone to actually work with me towards breastfeeding instead of pushing formula on me.

When I point out I have zero support network and breastfeeding is easier than sterilising bottles 24/7, no one seems to really believe me.

So I think over time, you can get defensive. Women who choose formula feel the need to defend their choice because of all the messaging around BF. Women who breastfeed then get defensive as we're apparently just martyrs and there's no point to breastfeeding.

The joy of motherhood is that everyone has a strong opinion on everything we do.

This! If you CAN breastfeed, there’s no question that it’s usually most beneficial. That’s just logical. Human milk is obviously optimal for human babies. But it you don’t want to, or can’t, that obviously doesn’t make you a shit mother. We all have to weight up what’s best with what’s practical or possible. I let my DD watch telly while I’m cooking dinner. That is NOT optimal parenting. I occasionally let her eat UPF occasionally, also not great. We all read the studies and the information out there and balance it with our own situations, contexts, a million other things. I don’t care whether other people choose to BF. But I do think it’s daft and anti-science to make out it’s not got benefits due to a few anecdotal experiences, dismissing a wealth of scientific evidence — especially regarding gut health, which is an emerging and important area of focus.