Things only frequently heard on Mumsnet (lighthearted)

[Deathofaunicorn]

Just thinking of things people have posted that I've heard countless times!

Everyone's friends in their social circle didn't have their first baby until the age of 42/43.

Their Grandma had her last baby at the age of 48.

Night of passion with their dp within 6 seconds of meeting, they moved in that night and never left and now they're celebrating 75 years of marriage.

Grandma who smoked 200 cigarettes a day, used chip fat on their face and had beautiful, line free skin at the age of 120.

DP has a hobby which means they're out most evenings and every weekend. Has a female colleague 25 years younger who he has a mutual attraction with and they text each other all day long.

Their DD/DS is 6'7, model looks, eats 10 packs of lard a day yet doesn't gain an ounce.

Has anyone else seen things like this frequently posted?

To be fair, the going out in pyjamas is problematic, because there's a clear indicator there of some problems with self care/self management or whatever. (Not some emergency dash for Calpol, of course).

I'm on several other forums online, all special interest type stuff, and the larger number of us there are ND, so it's not just MN. Sometimes it's easier to put stuff down in writing than it is to talk about, if you're easily distracted and can't always concentrate then writing is better than talking.

My husband had an unauthorised curry, left a wet towel on the floor and farted in front of the baby.”
Chorus:
”LEAVE THE BASTARD.”

To be fair, that's sound advice! 😆 🤣 😂

Killing myself laughing at that. Can I also ban DS from the house for similar behaviour?

This is not a Mumsnet phrase. It's really common, especially online.

‘Cheeky’ winds me up. There is nothing cheeky about Nando’s or having a glass of wine in the evening/at the weekend. If you were knocking back vodka from a brown paper bag in a toilet cubicle at work at 9.30am, I would concede to the word ‘cheeky’.

Ok. Like I said, I've never heard of it before I saw it on here. Quite a lot.

The amount of posters who post pics of themselves saying ‘how old do I look’ just begging for compliments

They are painful. There are always lots of people who try to be kind, to be fair, but they're usually disastrous. Especially "I've had no work done, just drink water and wear SPF", but the picture shows someone botoxed and plumped up.
Dreadful.
The age guessed is usually 28-78.

Someone also usually says 'Do surveys' as they truly believe people can make £100s every month just by ticking a few boxes. In reality, you'll be screened out of 95% of them (usually after already answering 10 pages of detailed questions) and will get nothing. About 4% will give you 'points' and will only pay anything once you've accrued 70,000 points, and then you'll get a £5 gift voucher. 1% will pay actual money, such as YouGov, but will only pay you when you reach a certain amount. When I was signed up with YouGov, it took me two and a half years to reach the £50 minimum. And yet Mumsnet believes this is the solution to everyone's debt problems.

It's considered unusual and shocking for adult DCs living at home to pay rent. Meanwhile, in the real world, every adult DC has paid a sort of peppercorn rent or housekeeping contribution, albeit a smallish amount.

The fact that some adult DC aren't made to go out and work or be in full time education whilst living in their parents house, also. I n the real world this wouldn't happen or the child.would be made to go on UC if they couldn't find work/weren't able to work.

Bidets are considered the spawn of satan.

the horror of a tradesmen on a long job (no pun intended!) needing to use your toilet!

If you spent any more than a tenner on your wedding and wore anything other than a pair of jeans, you only got married for a showy day, you're grabby and attention-seeking and your marriage will not last.

Karen

How true! I made my own wedding dress, it was fine. Can't remember being "proposed to", but we did find a nice vintage ring for a fiver.

The niche hobby that is so niche that to mention what it is would be outing!

Yes I always wonder what those are!

Me! I can afford to replace a washing machine, but can’t afford a fancy holiday. For a lot of people I know a broken washing machine would be a financial disaster though so I’m very aware that I’m more fortunate than a lot of people and don’t talk about my finances much. Maybe the rich people are just hopelessly out of touch with what life is like for a lot of people and don’t think to be a bit more sensitive about it, or it’s all on credit and they’re keeping up appearances so need everyone to know how “rich “ they are. Those of us in the middle know we’re only three bad months away from poverty so have a bit more tact.

Well, of course not. The tone of voice and facial expression used face to face will do the work of telling the person being spoken to that the intention of the speaker is not to be harsh or aggressive. Online, or in text messages, it's far more difficult to convey tone, hence you signal it, especially if it's a tough love situation, or you're offering advice you think a poster is unlikely to want to hear, or perhaps going against the grain of previous posts.

I've never actually seen a post where anyone ever says their chicken makes loads of meals, only many references to it being a trope.

Has anyone seen one in the wild 😁

No!

I've never actually seen a post where anyone ever says their chicken makes loads of meals, only many references to it being a trope.
I kind of remember it being a thing years and years ago, about the same time people started using 'naice' after the bloody stupid shopping list thing with 'naice ham ' on it.
Thankfully plentiful chicken advice and 'naice' seems to have died a death.

That's to be expected with any online forum I think simply because it is online but I'm always surprised at how many posters have ND children and often more than one but again I guess online interaction is easier

But the constant reference to it sadly hasn't 😁

It's not 'used wrongly' -- it's not some kind of diagnostic term, just a loose expression meaning you're giving someone or something an awful lot of headspace without any justification for how much mental energy they're taking up.

You might legitimately give a lot of thought to a situation involving someone you are closely connected to, emotionally or professionally eg your spouse's depression, or whether you should advise them to accept a job offer, or your line manager suddenly expressing dissatisfaction with your work -- these people 'pay rent' to live in your head because it's an important and mutual connection.

Unlike someone who spends weeks ruminating about whether the total stranger she was chatting to at the bus stop thought she was rude because she took a phone call and then didn't resume the conversation and the woman didn't take the free seat next to her on the bus but stood for twelve stops.

I love MIL posts. My bread and butter Mumsnet consumption. 😂