Things only frequently heard on Mumsnet (lighthearted)

[Deathofaunicorn]

Just thinking of things people have posted that I've heard countless times!

Everyone's friends in their social circle didn't have their first baby until the age of 42/43.

Their Grandma had her last baby at the age of 48.

Night of passion with their dp within 6 seconds of meeting, they moved in that night and never left and now they're celebrating 75 years of marriage.

Grandma who smoked 200 cigarettes a day, used chip fat on their face and had beautiful, line free skin at the age of 120.

DP has a hobby which means they're out most evenings and every weekend. Has a female colleague 25 years younger who he has a mutual attraction with and they text each other all day long.

Their DD/DS is 6'7, model looks, eats 10 packs of lard a day yet doesn't gain an ounce.

Has anyone else seen things like this frequently posted?

Someone posts their entire family has died, their house has burned down and they've lost all their life savings.

"I couldn't get too worked up about that."

And apparently you can only be a non-driver in major cities. I've never lived in a big city in my life and managed fine without a car. I wouldn't be able to live in the middle of nowhere, no, so I don't. But I don't live in central insert big city name, either. Nor do I beg lifts off all and sundry.

There was a real flurry a bit ago of posts claiming adults who don't drive are somehow defective failures. I read those and wondered how on earth I managed to be a functioning member of society with a job and everything.

Which is the other thing, on here it's always the extreme of 'if you can't/don't do as I do, you must be some incapable idiot in all aspects of your life'.

Yes. This! I don't have a car, I've been told this in the driving threads about how I'm limiting job options. Gues what, if my job required a car. I'd buy a car. If I found a job outside the city. I'd buy a car.

Yes, and it costs an incredibly huge amount of money to have regular lessons (not to mention how you do this with work patterns), buy and insure a car. In a lot of places I've lived it's far cheaper to get public transport and the odd taxi rather than maintain a car and find parking in an overcrowded city centre.

I do think driving gives you freedom and flexibility that is often essential for a lot of aspects of life, but if you don't have the money to do it then you're not going to prioritise it over rent/mortgage, food, bills etc.

I find it weird how in MN everyone seems to be rich and poor at the same time. On the one hand everyone makes 6 figures but when someone posts to the travel section about having a budget of £15k and asking something, they told to read the room.

I would assume they are different people out of the thousands that post here.

Suggesting a sleeveless, tight satin dress with a thigh high split,for an overweight woman who has stipulated that she wants sleeves and a flattering style!

On MN nobody has any common sense.

Critical thinking means parroting group think.

Random women are told to leave their husbands.

Spending more than £15 on anything from a wedding to Christmas presents for all your family is over the top.

Performative under eating is commonplace.

I can’t stand the threads where a normal looking person in her 50s posts a picture and asks posters to guess her age.Then the self appointed thread police attack anyone who suggests she looks anything older than a young 31 y/o.

I’m fed up with the threads started by people who thought that finally earning £100k who mean they could live like a princess 24/7. Don’t they understand paying for school/ mortgage / etc adds up? We all have to budget and make sacrifices.

Women aged over 35 facing any sort of problem whatsoever:

"Could it be peri?"

Or early onset dementia

Whether one should wash a chicken

There was a long thread a while ago with folk ripping lumps out of each other about washing chickens

If someone likes a glass of wine of an evening they are a raging alco.

If someone's husband does anything slightly out of the ordinary they ate having an affair and you should leave the fucker.

If someone asks about a good face cream the posters who berate them and call them vain....on the Style and Beauty section

Teens at 18 must either be immediately chucked out onto the streets without a single penny or a further shred of acknowledgment ever again, or are fully funded in every aspect of their life until around the age of 60, or you've failed as a parent

If you dare to even put a brush through your hair you're obsessed with your appearance and ageing, you will never age gracefully and you need to realise that x person passed away aged 30 therefore appearance and ageing are forevermore totally irrelevant, and you are completely shallow and vacuous to care at all about your looks.

Long discussions from posters about 'their inheritance' and debate about various step siblings and whether they should get anything.

Parents meanwhile are early sixties and hopefully should spend it cruising, and carousing and leave the selfish little shits fuck all.

Spending more than £15 on anything from a wedding to Christmas presents for all your family is over the top.

Yeh, there's a poor woman on the MIL funeral thread being ripped apart for spending £100 on Easter presents for her 4 kids. £25 a head for a celebration gift is beyond the pale apparently. They should get a bible story and one mini-egg to share.

Taking food from the all inclusive breakfast to eat later.

One lady spoke about making up full picnics for her whole family, others were purple with rage at the thought of taking an apple.

Sadly the reason I'm size DTUI and not teeny tiny is my consumption of said fat bastard breakfast at 9am which sees me right through the day.

In the same way everyone is working class yet lives in a detached house in Oxford.

God yes! ‘Don’t advise her to terminate; she might hate you later’

Errr won’t she hate you for utterly failing the ONE time advice is desperately needed and let her piss her life up the wall for the sake of saying ‘well I didn’t want to interfere darling’??

I once had someone berating me on here for not “respecting bodily autonomy” because I said I’d be very actively pushing my 14 year-old daughter towards an abortion in these circumstances.

Step parenting. I feel like blended families of MN are totally different from the ones I know IRL. It just feels so foreign to read any step whatever threads.

Anyone 25+ going to a bar/club is pathetic. An adult getting drunk is raging alcoholic. Partner overdoing it means that you have to have a revenge and make their next day absolutely miserable. Also they have to promise never to drink again.

Oh God literally everyone lives rurally - must be pretty busy in those parts actually with all these MNs there.

And despite this, they always earn 6 figures - how can you earn this kind of money whilst living nowhere near a major town or city where this kind of job surely exists?

Social housing estates in MN land are wholly comprised of doctors, judges, teachers, university staff and the neighbouring very expensive estate is rife with antisocial behaviour, drugs, prostitution.

In reality I get 2 days of sandwiches/wraps for 2 of my kids from a chicken

Ohh

Being advised to LTB over fairly routine relationship issues. Or privileged posters advising LTB whilst not fully appreciating the complexities of doing so. Oh and high handed use of “I’d be….”