Things only frequently heard on Mumsnet (lighthearted)

[Deathofaunicorn]

Just thinking of things people have posted that I've heard countless times!

Everyone's friends in their social circle didn't have their first baby until the age of 42/43.

Their Grandma had her last baby at the age of 48.

Night of passion with their dp within 6 seconds of meeting, they moved in that night and never left and now they're celebrating 75 years of marriage.

Grandma who smoked 200 cigarettes a day, used chip fat on their face and had beautiful, line free skin at the age of 120.

DP has a hobby which means they're out most evenings and every weekend. Has a female colleague 25 years younger who he has a mutual attraction with and they text each other all day long.

Their DD/DS is 6'7, model looks, eats 10 packs of lard a day yet doesn't gain an ounce.

Has anyone else seen things like this frequently posted?

The Can I Wear This Dress to a Wedding threads crack me up. Chorus of Nooooo, there’s a hint of white on it somewhere! Genuinely, only on MN have I heard you shouldn’t wear certain dresses/colours to weddings, it’s never figured in my real life at all. And I have worn ivory, cream etc to weddings as have friends/relatives of mine, and no one fell out, and the sky didn’t fall in.

It's not about the sky falling in. It's just that white/cream are the prerogative of the bride.
Why risk any upset when there are so many colours and patterns to choose from?
It's not going to be a catastrophe, but just something to factor in.
Although if you really want to wear white, do so of course.

Oh I get it. It’s just the vehemence with which some people speak when discussing the topic on here, when I have genuinely never heard this in real life. MN is funny sometimes

Sometimes the problems women post about are so strange I do wonder if they are real or not. I am reading one at the moment where the woman is so wet and useless it's almost unbelievable what she puts up with. Unfortunately over my lifetime I have met some pretty bloody useless people, but I'm not sure they would post on Mumsnet.

Some posts are quite cunningly crafted with a drip feed of wrongs by her DH sure to infuriate any normal person. Everyone gets irate on her behalf and the poster just dithers on and won't consider taking any steps to help herself because she lurves him. She excuses her uselessness by having self-diagnosed ND which as we all know is a fine reason for being a doormat 😀

Rant over.

I agree about the vehemence. Again, I think it's that a disproportionate number of Mners struggle with daily life, particularly friendships and encounters with other people, and tend to grab onto things they think of as hard and fast 'rules', as though they're Moses coming down the mountain with the Ten Commandments engraved on stone.

I've worn either black or green (another no-no according to some Mners, as 'bad luck') to literally every wedding I've ever attended, without creating mass horror.

Having people constantly remark how young you look for your age.

Every single mum on here has a neuro diverse child

I ate a tuna sandwich and three carrot sticks for lunch and a bowl of tomato soup for dinner. Is this too much food?

Don't be mean about that rude customer/sexist boss/entitled child. They might have had a hidden disability.

I bit my lip - should I go to A&E?

I've been stabbed in the heart, my legs have fallen off and I've suddenly lost my vision. I don't need to go to A&E, do I?

DS's friend chose to play with someone else today. Should I complain to the school?

Someone said something mean about me on Facebook. AIBU to think the world has ended?

Something else I find odd is the complete inability of some people to appreciate that everyone is different and just because others dont live their lives exactly the same as them, doesnt mean they're "wrong".

How on earth can you be surrounded by thousands of varying, diverse people on the planet every single day and not get that people might choose to live their lives differently to you. It blows my mind.

Eg. all these rules about when you should take your Christmas decs down or how you should do laundry etc and if you dont do it on the exact same day as them, or exactly the same as them, you are clearly unhinged or weird or whatever.

Why this neurotic need for everyone to be exactly the same as you- wouldnt life be crushingly boring and tedious if we were all exactly the same? I think difference is interesting.

Seen some very toxic friendship situations too.
"My friend wants me to spend 20k on her hen do and leave my baby for 6 weeks, aibu to consider not going?"

During the Covid pandemic, many posters knew at least 5 or 6 people who'd died despite being perfectly healthy gym goes in their 30s.

No one is allowed to enjoy their birthday "they're for children" You have to specifically ask your DP/DC to do something and tell them exactly what you want. Always find that weird and joyless. In real life a present/card/meal would be the minimum

When people ask for specific experiences/advice of working mums in high earning/responsibility jobs and 90% of replies are from SAHMs married to doctors

I remember a poster berating another one during covid for putting ice cream in with her "essential only" shopping basket and telling her that she had probably just killed an OAP 😆

Brilliant, brilliant thread! Thank you, OP

“What colour are these eyes.” The most boring of boring threads.

Oh, I don't know -- the 'Am I pregnant?' ones win for me, in terms of being both boring and completely pointless. Not to mention the follow-ups on whether the line on a pregnancy test is getting stronger or weaker. Makes me unreasonably nostalgic for the days when you noticed a missed period and a sudden aversion to fried eggs, but were only really sure when the baby started kicking.

People working 12/14 hour days while being on mumsnet all day.
Also people who type out threads and answer lots of posters about how they haven’t had time to text their friend back.

'Have a spa day' is also up there with the dreaded words of help to someone having dire financial problems!

And people who have these cheap yet supposedly amazing weddings will claim “It’s still talked of to this day”. Yeah, by you your husband - and even he’s bored with it. No one else ever gave it a second thought.

THIS. So dull- the colour is always very obvious too.

I've just read this on another thread and it reminded me that I've never come across it mentioned in real life

"Do you have legal cover under your home insurance", this is posted usually within the first 5 posts of anything vaguely relevant

It's like there's some kind of klaxon 😁

I don't even understand why anyone asks this, why does it matter?

Happy to learn if I've missed a vital life feature

I wonder this too: "I'm just so busy, -busy, busy, busy, I dont even have a moment to myself for texting my best friend back, what with working 120 hours a week and having to look after 7 children and 5 elderly grandparents!"

Yet they somehow manage to post 57 times on MN in a day.

I'm always tempted to say Older than me and I'm in excess of 75!