Things only frequently heard on Mumsnet (lighthearted)

[Deathofaunicorn]

Just thinking of things people have posted that I've heard countless times!

Everyone's friends in their social circle didn't have their first baby until the age of 42/43.

Their Grandma had her last baby at the age of 48.

Night of passion with their dp within 6 seconds of meeting, they moved in that night and never left and now they're celebrating 75 years of marriage.

Grandma who smoked 200 cigarettes a day, used chip fat on their face and had beautiful, line free skin at the age of 120.

DP has a hobby which means they're out most evenings and every weekend. Has a female colleague 25 years younger who he has a mutual attraction with and they text each other all day long.

Their DD/DS is 6'7, model looks, eats 10 packs of lard a day yet doesn't gain an ounce.

Has anyone else seen things like this frequently posted?

“Don’t answer the door” as if they can’t see you through the fecking windows

I think cutting someone off is an interesting one.

I did it because of actual abuse that had gone on for years (37) and after police and SS involvement, when it was made clear that, if I didn't, I faced losing my children. So, yes, actual abuse. The only 'shame' I have in that respect was that it took professionals getting involved to make me realise it was what I needed to do and couldn't see for myself.

But people look at their own families and think, "Well my mum wasn't always perfect but..."

They also assume they know what sort of families abuse happens in and what people who have been abused look like. And, on the surface, my family and I don't look like that.

But I do think that there is a bit of a 'trend' for it at the moment.

Agree with your post op 😂
Most things I read on mumsnet are usually the opposite to my real life / people I know in real life but appreciate it's a much wider amount of people than I know so of course there will be lots of different opinions/ life styles etc!

Suggesting an outfit or dress for OP on. s&B board that costs £375 (not for a special occasion)

I keep my blinds closed 😉

All the oh-so-nonchalant language that crops up on cooking threads. Stick the dinner on. Bung in some toast. Lob some beans on. Chuck some cheese on top. Some MNers are such edgy edgelords in the kitchen.

DH makes a snippy comment during an argument. “He’s abusive. LTB” despite us having no context or knowledge of his usual behaviour. (Disclaimer: some are obviously abusive fuckwits and those bastards should be left, but this comment is given to everyone).

Every poster and their DCs are ND.

From another thread it seems that everyone is out socialising the same day they’ve given birth.

Southerners all think houses in the north cost £32.60. Everywhere north of Watford.

Women go abroad three times a year for expensive hen dos/girl’s weekends/hobbies and their DPs do similar, and still manage to afford a family holiday somewhere exotic. All while complaining how unfair it is that life is so much harder for them these days.

Parents must let adult children live at home with no contribution to food and bills until they choose to move out. They must also give them a deposit to buy a house, provide childcare and eventually a massive inheritance. Failure to meet these conditions earns you a label of ‘toxic’ and DCs will go NC.

MILs are not allowed to even glance sideways at their grandchildren for the first five years of life, while at the same time be expected to look after said child full-time while parents are working, and during the evenings/weekends when parents are socialising.

To some poor, overwhelmed, exhausted woman "why don't you just batch cook?"
😮

This.

Children are always in childcare whilst they earn £500,000 in their careers. Children appear to be a hindrance to many. Families are all split and non contact.

It's an odd place. Extremes.

If your DP so much as breathes in the general direction of your MIL and sees her more than once every 3 years, he's a mummy's boy who will never change, you need to LTB,

The social anxiety I always feel is really strange. People hating it if extra people join for coffee, the hatred of friends popping in, preferring to be home alone over all else, intense dislike of holidays with other people, always only having Christmas with immediate family…. Then threads full of people agreeing. Where are these people in real life?! (Probably at home to be fair 😂)

Women being called anti feminist for shaving their pubic area and armpits, wearing make up or making an effort with their appearance

Yes, there is a weird and superior attitude towards anyone who dares to want to look nice/presentable. Cue lots of bragging about "I dont even brush my hair, I just run a Brillo pad over my face every night, and chuck on some old rags - I dont care what anyone thinks about the way I look because I'm above that sort of thing".

I always get a picture in my head of Worzel Gummidge turning up to a team meeting at work.

No screen time ever for any aged kid

Oh I forgot the millionaires who have to use food banks because £250,000 pa isn’t much after tax these days.

If your appearance drastically changes
/you gain a lot of weight and DP is no longer attracted to you then you should LTB immediately, he's a selfish pig who doesn't deserve you.

If your DP gains 2lbs, this is not the person you married, life is too short not to be attracted to your partner anymore, you deserve better.

I'm helping to bring the average right down. Just doing my bit 🤣

I do think on the NC one, if someone asked me why I've gone NC with my parents, I'd struggle to explain it concisely and would probably be seen as one of those people flippantly going NC. In reality, it's because my entire childhood and young adulthood was littered with covert emotional abuse and manipulation; a constant stream of small things that we'd be here all day if I described (and no one wants a trauma dump), but that my life is now significantly better with no contact.

Posters who either got married after 3 days of courting, or after 59 years together with no witnesses, wearing a bin bag.

Everyone is either in London, or in the Outer Hebredes with one bus service every 2 weeks and the nearest supermarket is 47 miles away.

If you are under the age of 30 you are basically still a child, definitely not old enough to have babies or get married.

Gosh yes. I hate all
that grab, bung, chuck terminology. Is it used to prove how busy and not ‘try-hard’ people are.

I'm here! Lol. I'm well enough off to rent a lovely detached place but not young enough to get a mortgage. I have been on one holiday and a weekend away since 2019 combined the cost under £1000. Quite normal I think.

"My creepy neighbour who is 42 has made inappropriate sexual comments to me and its made me really uncomfortable"

"Be kind- he may well have early onset dementia you know- have you thought about popping round for a cuppa once a week to ease his loneliness?"

Everyone earns 100k plus, has a cleaner, nanny or both, never eats processed food, has children who are way above average intelligence as well as being impeccably behaved, top of all their classes and who will go off to an RG university because it would be considered an abject failure if they ended up anywhere lowly 🤣

I used to see these things all the time on here! Recently, things have been a bit more mixed, thank God!

That there's no fat people in other European countries. There's no badly behaved children in other European countries. That the French and life in France is something to inspire to.

There was a woman who had severe headaches, abdominal pains, dizziness and blurred vision.
The first 3 responses?
"Are you drinking enough water?".
This rehydration nonsense is so prevalent on here!