Things only frequently heard on Mumsnet (lighthearted)

[Deathofaunicorn]

Just thinking of things people have posted that I've heard countless times!

Everyone's friends in their social circle didn't have their first baby until the age of 42/43.

Their Grandma had her last baby at the age of 48.

Night of passion with their dp within 6 seconds of meeting, they moved in that night and never left and now they're celebrating 75 years of marriage.

Grandma who smoked 200 cigarettes a day, used chip fat on their face and had beautiful, line free skin at the age of 120.

DP has a hobby which means they're out most evenings and every weekend. Has a female colleague 25 years younger who he has a mutual attraction with and they text each other all day long.

Their DD/DS is 6'7, model looks, eats 10 packs of lard a day yet doesn't gain an ounce.

Has anyone else seen things like this frequently posted?

Careful, that's a bit outing.

What pisses me off is when a poster asks if it’s ok to leave their 10 year old at home alone for a few hours and the pricks posters who bang on that they had to walk six miles to school in the snow without a coat or socks when they five by themself. That really annoys me!

That any man who sleeps with a woman who shaves must be a paedophile. Apparently it should only be the woman's choice as long as that choice is to not shave, if she does of course it's to please men.

But, very often, it is pretence. That's why a lot of people come here. It's the Land of Schadenfreude in some tragic cases but mostly it's the Land of Make Believe.

Cheap wedding = love match / happy marriage

Nice wedding = materialistic / only interested in the wedding not the marriage

Cheap engagement ring = wonderful marriage

Nice ring = crap marriage, shallow, greedy wife, all for show

The black & white thinking around this comes up incredibly frequently. It's baffling how people really seem to believe these stereotypes to be true.

Oh, and if you can’t drive you’re basically worthless on here and totally undatable!

that’s what I was going to say.

Nobody on mumsnet got proposed - everyone discussed getting married with their partner, and then did it during their lunchbreak just in time to get back to work.

Oh and even if they did get a ring it came from a vending machine.

UPF! The mass hysteria around UPF. The only acceptable bread is sourdough (despite it being inedible). Biscuits and snacks are the devils work. Water is the only thing anyone should be drinking (apart from wine & coffee obvs).

Going into hiding after having a baby. No one is allowed to see or touch baby (apart from bio grandmother) & DH is unreasonable for not stopping his family wanting to see their grandchildren more than twice a year. Grandparents are creepy people who are trying to steal your children in order to be parents again.

Everyone went to private school/kids go private school & that absolutely makes them better humans than the scummers who didn't/don't. If not private then will move house/buy additional house to be near the absolute best state school.

No one has a baby under 30 no one claims benefits they only get child benefit still a benefit.
Women are never ever wrong.
Everyone has a child with SEN or they have SEN.
Everyone has a cleaner nanny and earn 100k.
Some cant do house work because they have a baby.
The list goes on.

I think the first part is true if you are older. I'm mid 60s, and we all thought that a man proposing was old fashioned, and shouldn't be his decision or choice. It should be mutual. Me, and all my contemporaries, had conversations which ended in marriage. No proposal.
It's gone backwards now imo, which is why we get so many threads complaining about a man not proposing. For many of us, that wasn't even on our radar.
Secondly many of us did have low cost, modest weddings. People have a lot more disposable income nowadays, but we were on modest salaries and couldn't afford a big do, certainly not a 3 tier event like many have now.
So yes, many of us had basic weddings. No shame in that.

I agree. Sour dough is awful. I love a bit of UPF and am a healthy weight and eat a balanced diet. But on here I am the devil!

To be fair this has really made me appreciate my partner, flaws and all. Thanks MN

Yes, me too! I've never experienced any of this.

But by contrast:

I was in a pub and this guy standing next to me said hello.”

“Ooh how creepy. I wouldn’t like that at all. Be careful because he’s probably a rapist.”

The trans hate is strong on here but I don’t ever hear it in real life

The threads to do with farting are hilarious, people fall into 2 camps:

1. They think nothing of farting in front of all and sundry. Anytime, anyplace. Apparently it's weird otherwise.
2. They leave the house and go into the next street if they need to fart! (OK I exaggerate,but you know what I mean) Apparently it's disrespectful otherwise!

My neighbours’ children play outside and their baby cries.”

“They’re inconsiderate. Children playing is a noise violation. As a person you have the right to lie in complete silence 24 hours a day. Contact the council and they’ll give you some recording equipment so they can go round and have a word.”

Logging with 101.

My partner shouted at me during an argument: “log with 1010.”

Someone has been parking across the road and I don’t recognise their car: “log with 101.”

Newsflash. There’s no such thing as “logging with 101.”

Changing the baby's name. I have never ever in real life heard anyone say 'oh, we've called him Tarquin, nickname Quinn' (who PICKS their child's nick name? He'll be called Smelly Pants or Ta-Ta by his mates and his parents won't have a say in his nick name, whatever shortening of his name they decide to use) and then ten years down the line decide they don't like it and want to change it?

Instead of just calling him Johnny but leaving Tarquin on his birth certificate.

The complexity of rules around washing clothes/dishcoths instead of just splitting colours and putting everything on a medium hot wash/ the extra work people give themselves makes my heart ache

My children were running riot in a pub/restaurant/shop, and one of them pushed someone else’s child and another parent shouted at him. How dare someone else shout at my child. Don’t they know that the correct way to interact with children is to sit down on their level and tell them to use gentle hands.”

The laundry threads are something else! Then it usually descends into eco/sustainability arguments when some poor soul admits to using a tumble dryer.

Putting your child in nursery being akin to child abuse.

All of this!!!!! Why the obsession with UPF being the work of the devil. If anyone dares mention they let their child eat McDonalds as a treat they are treated as if they have asked where the best site to inject their child with heroin is. FFS have a rest and eat a Big Mac!

Everyone lives in London!

The north is this mystical Dickensian place with no jobs, houses or electricity.

Any form of piercings are the start of a downward spiral to a life of crime and drug addiction.

Mobile phones, again evil. Should be banned along with the internet, unless you're using one to post on MN obvs!

Yeah, it does seem there are a lot of SEN children (and adults) on here but I think that's because it's so hard to form RL social circles so SEN is over-represented online. This leads people to believe it's the norm when actually it's still a small minority. Same with other invisible disabilities / neurodivergence.

In my circle, I have a DNibling with delayed global development, one of DC's friends has autism and know another one awaiting diagnosis on ADHD. Plus 2 mum friends who have autistic children. But that's it - out of hundreds of kids I know.