Page 34 | Gender and pronouns

Wyki · 2025-04-10T17:55:13+00:00

Before I start, the daily mail and other papers can all fuck off I’m prepared to be flamed for this as I’ve been here long enough to know how it all works but…. aibu to tell my son he can’t have his partner over any more It’s a new relationship. My son is 21 and the new partner is 18 He barely works and is consequently on a low salary however he does help me with childcare (that I pay a minimal amount for) the new partner is a very petite pink haired “girl” that does ballet and dance but uses the pronoun he/him my 11 year old daughter is finding it confusing and asked if her brother is gay. I replied with “no because the partner is very feminine and is a girl despite the pronouns” (I couldn’t care less if he was gay, sexuality isn’t important) So am I being unreasonable in saying the partner doesn’t come over as it’s just too weird and I don’t want that example being set for my daughter

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 07:35

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/04/2025 07:29

Men with fetishes around female bodily functions are literally at the very top of the list of men who are now choosing to use women's toilets in this brave new world.

I don't really get why you are making a distinction between miscarriages and leaking boobs, as though one is deserving of a female only space and the other isn't.

Not that it matters much; if you believe that women having miscarriages are entitled to female only toilets then surely that means all women's toilets should be female only in case a woman is having a miscarriage. The fact that a woman with leaking breasts or a top covered in vomit, or a woman who wears a hijab or is frightened of men might also benefit from the single sex nature of that space doesn't change the fundamental point that we need single sex spaces, right?

Or do you think women having miscarriages should put a sign on the door saying, "male women, I love you and you are valid and definitely women but please use the men's toilets while I am in here having a miscarriage"?

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How long do you think we need to wait for the dismissive comments such as ‘not all males are like that’.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/04/2025 07:39

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 07:35

How long do you think we need to wait for the dismissive comments such as ‘not all males are like that’.

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As if anyone had said that all males are like that.

flaffydaffy · 14/04/2025 07:48

Okay but does anyone here think that the scenario of a man with a lactation fetish going into a women's toilet and happening upon a woman rinsing breast milk out of her top and then getting off on it has ever actually happened, once, ever? Or that it's a scenario that anyone should take seriously as a possibility and worry about while out in public with their baby? The miscarriage argument might be a valid one! Stuck to stuff like that rather than coming up with outlandish scenarios that make you sound paranoid.

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 07:51

flaffydaffy · 14/04/2025 07:23

@MissScarletInTheBallroom no, I was not commenting about miscarriages. I was commenting about the breast milk and baby puke stuff.
You're now saying men with a lactation fetish might be watching as a woman washes breast milk out of her top in the toilets and that this is the fault of trans activists. Yes the thread has jumped the shark that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

Male people with fetishes do now have access to female toilets thanks to campaigning by activists who prioritise gender over sex even when sex matters. Perhaps that was a fact that you had missed.

It is also why these discussions are happening. Because, despite your wonderful personal hygiene advice, some female people choose to do more than just wear baby vomit and breast milk leaks all day when they are out. Particularly if they have long public transport journeys ahead of them. Or breast milk leak stains and wet patches when they are at work. Or coffee / wine / food spillage stains on their clothes. Or.... that skeevy topic.... blood stains. And they want to have privacy away from male people.

Couleur · 14/04/2025 07:53

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 05:06

What a wonderful experience for you then. I am very glad you lived a well supported life where you could plan your child’s life and their reactions. You are a marvel.

Yes. I know all about breastfeeding pads. I also needed to either walk or take public transport to get groceries, to appointments and such. Sometimes for an hour each way. I also was working and sometimes couldn’t plan my life to the exact minute.

I also had a child with reflux.

I also know other women who were in the same situation. But you keep on living the dream. Lucky you.

Let’s see. Perhaps you drive everywhere, had a neat ordered life where you could time everything around a child who sleep well, feed on a cycle that you controlled and you always had access to family rooms/toilets? Never had to use the usual public toilets because you wonderfully had it all planned. or just bundle you and the baby back into the car to get home again. Phew! That sure is good to know that there are people out there who can live that way.

I remember once on a thread someone was just as sanctimonious about discussions about periods. Turns out they had never had discussions about periods because their periods were always light with no pain. They believed their experience was the norm.

There were women who had been so ashamed of their experience because they had never spoken about it, like me. I thought I was alone in the horrific pain, the unpredictable nature and the heaviness. I had been to doctors, all male doctors. and been told that I was obviously on the scrounge for Prozac (because I couldn’t remember the name Ponstan (not that it helped) and thought I needed a prescription for it). I was also told by those doctors that millions of women dealt with their periods, why couldn’t I? Because of the literature and media around it when I was younger.

That poster came and told women how distasteful it was to discuss the horrific impacts of our periods and how everyone was overly dramatic and was wildly exaggerating their periods. Imagine that! And you are here joining at least one other poster shaming women for having frank discussions that involve bodily fluid because you have never been in those situations.

You find the discuss skeevy. so fucking what. You could scroll past.

Oh wait… let me guess, it is your right to post on threads and to tell women that there discussion is skeevy and no one should expect you to ignore something you find distasteful and have never witnessed or experienced, and don’t believe happens because you are able to order your life perfectly to make sure those things don’t happen.

Or, is it just me that you wanted to shame?

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What a strange post.

As it happens, you’re wrong on all counts.

(And one of my children also had reflux - at 24, still does - and my periods were so heavy I had an early ablation. I was also extremely ill for most of my children’s infancies, so needed a lot of help.)

Why would I wish to shame you particularly? I said “discussion”, not a poster.

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 07:55

flaffydaffy · 14/04/2025 07:48

Okay but does anyone here think that the scenario of a man with a lactation fetish going into a women's toilet and happening upon a woman rinsing breast milk out of her top and then getting off on it has ever actually happened, once, ever? Or that it's a scenario that anyone should take seriously as a possibility and worry about while out in public with their baby? The miscarriage argument might be a valid one! Stuck to stuff like that rather than coming up with outlandish scenarios that make you sound paranoid.

What does it matter if the male person entering the female single sex space has a fetish or not? You are here arguing that women should just wear their stains and not try to reduce the stains or the smell because why? Why don't you think that female people of any age should have or want privacy from male people in a female single sex space?

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 07:56

Couleur · 14/04/2025 07:53

What a strange post.

As it happens, you’re wrong on all counts.

(And one of my children also had reflux - at 24, still does - and my periods were so heavy I had an early ablation. I was also extremely ill for most of my children’s infancies, so needed a lot of help.)

Why would I wish to shame you particularly? I said “discussion”, not a poster.

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That is good to know that it wasn't just me you intended to shame then. Crack on with the shaming.

Couleur · 14/04/2025 07:56

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 05:09

FFS!

You went there. ‘Private’.

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As Arraminta describes it, it was.

Couleur · 14/04/2025 07:57

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 07:56

That is good to know that it wasn't just me you intended to shame then. Crack on with the shaming.

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You seem to be doing all right in that department too.

Couleur · 14/04/2025 07:59

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 05:19

Oh, and that poster that shamed women discussing their menstrual reality, joined a thread where the discussion was about toilets
usage too. And women were discussing their need for privacy from male people in the public area of the female toilets.

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Your point being?

BundleBoogie · 14/04/2025 08:05

VapeVamp12 · 14/04/2025 02:52

I 100% agree with this statement. For people with genuine gender dysmorphia.

However, ex husbands 18 year old went to uni and formed a group of friends of about 8 people. 1 year later 6 of them were "trans". There is no way on this earth that 6 out of 8 young people in one group, on one campus all have gender dysmorphia. We are creating and allowing so many future problems for young people in two ways;

People with genuine gender dysmorphia are now in a huge pool of people seeking medical treatments / medication / surgery, meaning long waits, additional stress.
The young people who believe they are not the sex they were born into due to social pressures / trends / whatever this astronomical rise in trans people is are pumping their young bodies with hormones, undergoing surgeries, doing irreversible damage to their reproductive systems that they will not be able to undo when it comes to light that in fact they are not trans.

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Just to add to your point as I think it’s very valid - the bit that so many forget is that ‘transitioning’ is just one solution for the mental health condition of gender dysphoria.

Many of the young people (approx 80%) you refer to will find relief by just growing up and completing puberty and full brain development (up to age 25).

As you mention there are many causes for people feeling that they don’t live up to the stereotypes of their sex, they can include internalised homophobia or deep psychological issues. These can generally be solved with counselling, therapy or other non invasive mental health treatments.

Stonewall have currently revived their campaign to persuade the government to effectively ban the non invasive/non surgical treatments for gender dysphoria which in my mind is a cruel and damaging campaign which will lead to further harm for many, especially the young and gay.

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:06

Couleur · 14/04/2025 07:53

What a strange post.

As it happens, you’re wrong on all counts.

(And one of my children also had reflux - at 24, still does - and my periods were so heavy I had an early ablation. I was also extremely ill for most of my children’s infancies, so needed a lot of help.)

Why would I wish to shame you particularly? I said “discussion”, not a poster.

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"(And one of my children also had reflux - at 24, still does - and my periods were so heavy I had an early ablation. I was also extremely ill for most of my children’s infancies, so needed a lot of help.)"

And you still lack empathy and wish to shame those having discussions about their experiences. All because you tell us that you didn't experience the issues that we did, in the situations we were in.

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:11

Couleur · 14/04/2025 07:59

Your point being?

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That though it was a distasteful (to her) discussion, she learnt that she had her own experience and that she shouldn’t judge other’s discussion about their experiences as ‘distasteful and skeevy’. I learnt from that thread that my experiences were not unusual and that I was not alone in experiencing them.

flaffydaffy · 14/04/2025 08:16

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:06

"(And one of my children also had reflux - at 24, still does - and my periods were so heavy I had an early ablation. I was also extremely ill for most of my children’s infancies, so needed a lot of help.)"

And you still lack empathy and wish to shame those having discussions about their experiences. All because you tell us that you didn't experience the issues that we did, in the situations we were in.

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It's just weird that you would make that choice. What kind of stains are improved by a quick wash with hand soap and water, getting it wetter than it was originally and absolutely no guarantee that you'll be able to get it dry? If I had a breast milk leak in public I wouldn't risk getting my clothes even wetter, I would let it dry on my body and hope the stain isn't particularly white. Baby sick, even copious, will look better if you soak most of it up and leave it than if you soak it and try to dry it. Red wine or blood might fade ever so slightly but remain incredibly visible so you may as well not get it soaking wet trying to wash it. Covering up with a jumper or tying it around your waist or something is the better option.

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:20

flaffydaffy · 14/04/2025 08:16

It's just weird that you would make that choice. What kind of stains are improved by a quick wash with hand soap and water, getting it wetter than it was originally and absolutely no guarantee that you'll be able to get it dry? If I had a breast milk leak in public I wouldn't risk getting my clothes even wetter, I would let it dry on my body and hope the stain isn't particularly white. Baby sick, even copious, will look better if you soak most of it up and leave it than if you soak it and try to dry it. Red wine or blood might fade ever so slightly but remain incredibly visible so you may as well not get it soaking wet trying to wash it. Covering up with a jumper or tying it around your waist or something is the better option.

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Again, these are your personal hygiene decisions. Others are free to make their own.

But just checking, we shouldn’t carry spare clothing, but we should carry a jumper that we can wrap around the stained area? I just want to get the right nuance of your advice.

RufustheFactuaIReindeer · 14/04/2025 08:22

women are different

some spill wine down their front and say fuckit

some spill wine down their front and pat it with a damp paper towel

some take their top off and give it a good rinse and a blast with the air dryer

absolutely none of those gives males the right to be in the female toilets

and i do find it funny that some posters are saying ‘its never happened to me therefore….’ While using examples that have never happened to me😳 but i am supposed to accept it as the truth

Couleur · 14/04/2025 08:23

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:11

That though it was a distasteful (to her) discussion, she learnt that she had her own experience and that she shouldn’t judge other’s discussion about their experiences as ‘distasteful and skeevy’. I learnt from that thread that my experiences were not unusual and that I was not alone in experiencing them.

Edited

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I don’t tend to comment on threads about periods, TBH, and I’m sure I’m not the only person ever to have used the word ‘skeevy’.

Do you keep an Excel spreadsheet of posters you don’t like or something? This level of knowledge about other people and what they’ve posted is a bit … 😳

BundleBoogie · 14/04/2025 08:24

flaffydaffy · 14/04/2025 07:48

Okay but does anyone here think that the scenario of a man with a lactation fetish going into a women's toilet and happening upon a woman rinsing breast milk out of her top and then getting off on it has ever actually happened, once, ever? Or that it's a scenario that anyone should take seriously as a possibility and worry about while out in public with their baby? The miscarriage argument might be a valid one! Stuck to stuff like that rather than coming up with outlandish scenarios that make you sound paranoid.

Are you saying that we have to wait for more bad things to happen before we can say all men must be excluded from women’s spaces?

If you don’t think that scenario could happen (it may have already happened) then you, thankfully, haven’t come across any of the huge porn genre that consists of men filming unconsenting women in the toilet. I take it you also haven’t heard reports from staff at large retailers about what these special men get up to in the women’s changing rooms all over the women’s clothes?

Giving any man access to a female space is not going to end well for women. I’m confused why you’re arguing against this specific scenario.

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:24

Couleur · 14/04/2025 08:23

I don’t tend to comment on threads about periods, TBH, and I’m sure I’m not the only person ever to have used the word ‘skeevy’.

Do you keep an Excel spreadsheet of posters you don’t like or something? This level of knowledge about other people and what they’ve posted is a bit … 😳

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What else would you like to shame me about?

RufustheFactuaIReindeer · 14/04/2025 08:24

Do you keep an Excel spreadsheet of posters you don’t like or something? This level of knowledge about other people and what they’ve posted is a bit

dont be silly

Couleur · 14/04/2025 08:25

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:24

What else would you like to shame me about?

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Not shaming you. It was a question based on the information you gave me.

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:29

Couleur · 14/04/2025 08:25

Not shaming you. It was a question based on the information you gave me.

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I see. So should I simply turn off my memory when I interact with the world?

I think this thread is going to be full of advice for me. Oh. Hang on. Am I supposed to remember it in the future or not?

Couleur · 14/04/2025 08:29

And, looking back through the quote history, it’s quite clear that Hellofabore thinks I’m the same person because of the tenuous links she mentions.

Couleur · 14/04/2025 08:31

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:29

I see. So should I simply turn off my memory when I interact with the world?

I think this thread is going to be full of advice for me. Oh. Hang on. Am I supposed to remember it in the future or not?

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So you do remember or you don’t? You were attempting to imply something or you weren’t?

flaffydaffy · 14/04/2025 08:34

Helleofabore · 14/04/2025 08:20

Again, these are your personal hygiene decisions. Others are free to make their own.

But just checking, we shouldn’t carry spare clothing, but we should carry a jumper that we can wrap around the stained area? I just want to get the right nuance of your advice.

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Just that you might already have one and it would help. But everything I said still stands even without the jumper bit. You have a stain on you either way.