Gender and pronouns

[Wyki]

Before I start, the daily mail and other papers can all fuck off

I’m prepared to be flamed for this as I’ve been here long enough to know how it all works but….

aibu to tell my son he can’t have his partner over any more

It’s a new relationship. My son is 21 and the new partner is 18

He barely works and is consequently on a low salary however he does help me with childcare (that I pay a minimal amount for)

the new partner is a very petite pink haired “girl” that does ballet and dance but uses the pronoun he/him

my 11 year old daughter is finding it confusing and asked if her brother is gay. I replied with “no because the partner is very feminine and is a girl despite the pronouns” (I couldn’t care less if he was gay, sexuality isn’t important)

So am I being unreasonable in saying the partner doesn’t come over as it’s just too weird and I don’t want that example being set for my daughter

“You are assuming your definition of womanhood is his definition of womanhood.”

That there is acceptance that N alternative definition exists for womanhood is a great indicator of where the issue lays. Not that some male people have their own definition of womanhood but no one else accepts it, that is not the issue. But the casual acceptance that there should be more than one definition of womanhood in wider society, and that is all fine, ok and acceptable.

It also is the keystone support for other poster’s latest posts. Where they attempt some dishonest bad faith interpretation about which sex can and cannot grow a human in their body through a minority population segment use of the word ‘woman’.

Without precise and accurate language, society is going to constantly have these miscommunication issues. And in some instances such as what I have seen on this thread, those issues are deliberately created.

No male person has ever been pregnant. Only female people can be pregnant. And not all female will grow a human in their body and that doesn’t ever make them less female or less womanly.

Absolutely. At home. If I was going out, I made absolutely certain to protect against leaks, as - you know - things exist for that.

I absolutely agree we should exclude men of all types. I simply find this discussion of bodily fluids, bits hanging out freely etc. a bit strange and not in my experience at all.

No, your comprehension seems poor. I haven’t had these experiences in a public space, thus necessitating the need for cleaning up in a public toilet. Either that, or I’ve taken steps to ensure the mess won’t happen in the first place (ie. wearing pads in my bra for breastmilk leaks).

I didn’t call women that had to clean up weird and skeevy either. I called the discussion weird and skeevy. Huge difference.

This is different, arraminta, and I don’t include this in the type of discussion I referenced earlier. Your experience was very private and painful. I hope you’re doing a bit better now

I 100% agree with this statement. For people with genuine gender dysmorphia.

However, ex husbands 18 year old went to uni and formed a group of friends of about 8 people. 1 year later 6 of them were "trans". There is no way on this earth that 6 out of 8 young people in one group, on one campus all have gender dysmorphia. We are creating and allowing so many future problems for young people in two ways;

1. People with genuine gender dysmorphia are now in a huge pool of people seeking medical treatments / medication / surgery, meaning long waits, additional stress.
2. The young people who believe they are not the sex they were born into due to social pressures / trends / whatever this astronomical rise in trans people is are pumping their young bodies with hormones, undergoing surgeries, doing irreversible damage to their reproductive systems that they will not be able to undo when it comes to light that in fact they are not trans.

and will just hope none of these women decides to buttonhole me outside a stall to tell me about their miscarriage while thrusting a moon cup in my face.

Wow. What a stunning display of insensitivity. Of all the places to post something so tone-deaf and callous, you chose a thread where women are sharing deeply personal and often traumatic experiences. Impressive. If your goal was to be completely devoid of empathy @Sunnytuesdayafternoon, mission accomplished.

What a wonderful experience for you then. I am very glad you lived a well supported life where you could plan your child’s life and their reactions. You are a marvel.

Yes. I know all about breastfeeding pads. I also needed to either walk or take public transport to get groceries, to appointments and such. Sometimes for an hour each way. I also was working and sometimes couldn’t plan my life to the exact minute.

I also had a child with reflux.

I also know other women who were in the same situation. But you keep on living the dream. Lucky you.

Let’s see. Perhaps you drive everywhere, had a neat ordered life where you could time everything around a child who sleep well, feed on a cycle that you controlled and you always had access to family rooms/toilets? Never had to use the usual public toilets because you wonderfully had it all planned. or just bundle you and the baby back into the car to get home again. Phew! That sure is good to know that there are people out there who can live that way.

I remember once on a thread someone was just as sanctimonious about discussions about periods. Turns out they had never had discussions about periods because their periods were always light with no pain. They believed their experience was the norm.

There were women who had been so ashamed of their experience because they had never spoken about it, like me. I thought I was alone in the horrific pain, the unpredictable nature and the heaviness. I had been to doctors, all male doctors. and been told that I was obviously on the scrounge for Prozac (because I couldn’t remember the name Ponstan (not that it helped) and thought I needed a prescription for it). I was also told by those doctors that millions of women dealt with their periods, why couldn’t I? Because of the literature and media around it when I was younger.

That poster came and told women how distasteful it was to discuss the horrific impacts of our periods and how everyone was overly dramatic and was wildly exaggerating their periods. Imagine that! And you are here joining at least one other poster shaming women for having frank discussions that involve bodily fluid because you have never been in those situations.

You find the discuss skeevy. so fucking what. You could scroll past.

Oh wait… let me guess, it is your right to post on threads and to tell women that there discussion is skeevy and no one should expect you to ignore something you find distasteful and have never witnessed or experienced, and don’t believe happens because you are able to order your life perfectly to make sure those things don’t happen.

Or, is it just me that you wanted to shame?

FFS!

You went there. ‘Private’.

Oh, and that poster that shamed women discussing their menstrual reality, joined a thread where the discussion was about toilets
usage too. And women were discussing their need for privacy from male people in the public area of the female toilets.

Why is your son's girlfriend calling herself 'he/him' ?

Weird.

I just skipped to page 33 to see how this thread had ended up going, and it's fucking hilarious thank you so much for this.

1. Who carries a spare bra/top just in case they leak milk that's not a thing, I mean I leak a lot but if I leak THAT much it's because I've been asleep on my front
2. Who changes their clothes just because they've been baby-puked on, you just wipe the worst off and carry on. And again I cannot stress this enough, who carries spare clothes in case their baby is sick on them
3. If you respond to this saying aren't I incredibly lucky and privileged to never have to change a possety top in a public toilet I will die laughing

Tell your daughter the following: the partner is biologically female, regardless of how she presents herself or dresses. (It seems that she dresses and presents as conventionally feminine). In any case, shaving one’s head or wearing clothes marketed to the other sex (as examples) don’t suddenly un-sex anyone. Your son is in a heterosexual relationship regardless of how anyone identifies. One can be non-conforming within bio sex classes. Disembodied, gendered souls don’t use toilets, shower, change, or indeed, have sex.

Sorry? I didn’t carry a spare bra or spare clothes for me. When I had an issue, I did what you did and cleaned up the best I could which often involved some water a hand drier. Hence I was in the female toilets.

Uh okay then if you didn't get changed why was this a private activity you must do away from the prying eyes of males? Standing fully clothed under a hand dryer?

Oh actually I do get it, you took your clothes off and washed them and then dried them under a hand dryer. Again that's weird, would you not just mop it up with a muslin and put up with having a stain?

You have great personal hygiene advice. Thank you.

You think women explaining why single sex spaces are important to them, often sharing fairly intimate details about their lived experience, is "fucking hilarious", do you?

Did you also think it was fucking hilarious when I mentioned having a miscarriage in the public toilets of a service station on the M4 or did you skip that part?

The words I would use to describe your contributions to this thread are not "fucking hilarious" but they would probably be against the talk guidelines so I will just think them instead of saying them.

Can you not just count yourself lucky that you haven't had these experiences in a public space, and have some empathy for the women who have?

There are men who have fetishes around lactation and menstruation. Thanks to trans activists, those men now have access to women's public toilets up and down the country. They don't even need to say the magic words "I am a woman" anymore.

How do you think those men might behave if they were in a women's public toilet and they encountered me washing blood off my hands during a miscarriage or @Helleofabore rinsing breast milk out of her top?

I mean, I was copiously vomited on by a baby in Starbucks more than ten years before I even became a mother (holding a friend's baby) and had to wash my top in the sink and try to dry it under the hand dryer.

The fact that you've been lucky enough not to have this happen to you is not a sign of cleverness, or well preparedness, nor it is deserving of some sort of badge of pride.

In my experience women find these experiences excruciatingly embarrassing even when they are among other women. If I encountered another woman whilst washing my top in a public loo I would make a jokey remark about being vomited on or leaking boobs in the hope that she got it. If I saw another woman doing the same in a public loo and she made eye contact with me I'd make some sort of sympathetic remark like, "Poor you, been there, done that, literally got the T-shirt!" or if I saw a woman washing blood off my hands and she looked upset I'd ask her if she was OK and had everything she needed. Because I would rather ask and have her tell me to mind my own business than not ask if it turned out that she would welcome the support. Surely it's not hard to see how these conversations come about.

Describing it as "weird and skeevy" makes you sound about 12.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom no, I was not commenting about miscarriages. I was commenting about the breast milk and baby puke stuff.
You're now saying men with a lactation fetish might be watching as a woman washes breast milk out of her top in the toilets and that this is the fault of trans activists. Yes the thread has jumped the shark that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

Considering those commenting on breastmilk leaks missed the part also where I mentioned that I was in a work situation and was unable to express due to timings out of my control. But the reminders to use breastpads and those of just mop it up with a muslin were, I am sure, as kindly meant and said with as much empathy as the comment "I think maybe I'm grateful for this and will just hope none of these women decides to buttonhole me outside a stall to tell me about their miscarriage while thrusting a moon cup in my face."

I get the sense that we should kept our experiences ‘private’ and not discuss them on a parenting forum. It is skeevy after all.

The woman I saw recently in the pub toilets in her bra had knocked a bottle of red wine on herself. But apparently… muslin and wear the stain is the key!

That woman was very thankful that I waited with her with my back to her and with my foot limiting the door opening fully so that she wasn’t being exposed to the rest of the pub with each woman who entered. But muslins hey! Every woman should carry one in her purse.

Or maybe she should have covered herself with paper napkins and then when it was time to go home just catch the tube as normal.

Men with fetishes around female bodily functions are literally at the very top of the list of men who are now choosing to use women's toilets in this brave new world.

I don't really get why you are making a distinction between miscarriages and leaking boobs, as though one is deserving of a female only space and the other isn't.

Not that it matters much; if you believe that women having miscarriages are entitled to female only toilets then surely that means all women's toilets should be female only in case a woman is having a miscarriage. The fact that a woman with leaking breasts or a top covered in vomit, or a woman who wears a hijab or is frightened of men might also benefit from the single sex nature of that space doesn't change the fundamental point that we need single sex spaces, right?

Or do you think women having miscarriages should put a sign on the door saying, "male women, I love you and you are valid and definitely women but please use the men's toilets while I am in here having a miscarriage"?

MissScarlet: "Men with fetishes around female bodily functions are literally at the very top of the list of men who are now choosing to use women's toilets in this brave new world."

Oh that does not surprise me one bit. There's a man on facebook who keeps popping up despite complaints who is quite revolting and obsessed with bodily functions, odours, excretions, you name it (might not be just women's). He is disgusting and I have told him so but it doesn't stop him. He appears to be married too, goodness knows what his wife is like. Yeuch.