Colleagues spoke about me on Teams call thinking I wasn’t there - do I say anything

[AndreaGreen]

I had a video call with two colleagues earlier, from a different area of the business and who I hadn’t met before. They were from the same team so knew each other, and our call was to discuss a project coming up involving the department I’m in.

I had a shitty nights sleep with my DD and to be honest wasn’t 100% with it on the call, I was a bit slow on articulating myself a couple of times and muddled through one answer in particular.

My doorbell went about 5 minutes from the end for a delivery I was expecting, I said I was just going to get it and muted myself/turned camera off as I would usually. As I got up my DH (on his lunch break) shouted up that he’d answer it.

I went to sit back down and obviously the two colleagues were still on the screen. I heard one of them mutter something about the call being hard work. The other one then made a comment about my appearance, which was basically that ‘it’s a good job she’s a looker as I don’t think any man would be with her for her brains’ and the other one laughed. They were then quiet clearly waiting for me to return.

I felt upset at this point so gave it a minute and typed in the chat that something had come up and I couldn’t rejoin, and that any other questions they could put in the chat to me.

I cried my eyes out afterwards, I feel stressed enough as it is and this has really hit my confidence. DH thinks I should report them but the call wasn’t recorded and it would be my word against theirs.

Do you think I’m overreacting or would you look to report this?

WFH itself isn’t an issue it how you behave when u work from home
wondering off 1/2 way through a meeting is rude the others have to wait
you wouldn’t behave like that in person

You’re a helpful neighbour who is available - if they weren’t so lucky to have you, they would have to answer the door.

There’s equally as many people acknowledging that this is just part of WFH. And at least some of the people calling this unprofessional don’t WFH at all.

Hopefully you feel a bit better for trying to insult me though.😘

I'll try and rephrase

It doesn't appear to be an issue in OPs workplace, so how does that ruin WFH for everyone?

Honestly you do you, but don’t think anyone is admiring your professionalism for such bizarre behaviour.

I returned your ignorant sneer with an insult. I don't really see what the issue is.

This is AIBU, opinions abound. If that's a difficult concept, try 'Chat'.

In my workplace it's relatively common for people to pop off calls for various reasons but in the OPs case I don't think she should have. There was only 5 minutes to go - in a meeting were she hadn't been particularly useful. These 5 minutes would have been important to either salvage the meeting or work out next steps. And her DH was home and able to get the door. I also think coming back into the meeting without announcing her return/ switching on her camera was pretty strange.

You seem to have misunderstood the difference between criticising a behaviour, and a person. But if it makes you feel better, be my guest.

when people do things like this when they wfh it impacts other so it spoils it by them stopping everyone wfh due to behaviour like this

Or, not answer it - like you would normally if you were eg in the shower, or out.

How does it stop everyone from WFH if its ok in OPs workplace?

Because companies in general will stop people who take the proverbial from WFH when they cannot separate their work and personal life and cannot put a work meeting first during working hours. Already there is some pushback on WFH.
I have a child and spouse who WFH (not at the same time.) I pick their children up from school. I let myself in. Usually my child or spouse will pop out and say hello very briefly, but not if they are in a meeting or on the phone. I stay with my grandchildren until my child/spouse has finished work.

No they would get their deliveries at the weekend. There are a lot of helpful old people in our street though.

But op wouldn't be taking the proverbial if it's accepted in her workplace.

OP said it was allowed in her workplace. There are times when this would be acceptable. I doubt very much OP has been told it is OK to pop out when talking to someone. Even if she had been told this by her boss, another boss might think differently. The OP is clearly not capable of using her common sense as to when this might be professional and acceptable.

because people take the piss or do something thing like just pleasing themselves and leaving meeting to answer the door
the people in the office complain as it impacts them and there ends up being a blanket ban and the company go from being alright with it to stopping for everyone

it happened at my work

Oh that’s shrewd!

From the OP:

"everyone does it in our company/is understanding - obviously if it was a difficult people related call/hearing it would be ignored"

So it's a bit off to say OP will be the reason WFH will stop for everyone.

Plus, if it was a major no no, the two wankers would have mentioned that in their little gossip.

@Scaredofet
I believe I (and others) have already explained this. Even the OP says it was a difficult call.
Yes the comments by the 2 men were completely unacceptable but if the OP complained, I am sure OP intentions to leave the call would be brought up by these men.

I don't need anyone to explain that, that had nothing to do with my comment, which was in relation to another pp who confidently stated OP would be the reason WFH is stopped, i was pointing out thats simply not true, particularly in OPs case by the sound of it.

And even if the two men did bring up OP doing the 'norm' of popping away from a call for 1 minute, that's a separate issue (if it even is one) and tbh if it was reported to me I'd question the motives of the two men for making what could be seen to be a retaliatory tit for tat, completely unconnected malicious complaint.

Either way, what they did was way worse.

Ahh so you are one of those colleagues. Ew

I don’t use Amazon so I don’t know how that works, but other delivery services don’t always allow a specified delivery date. They’ll try 2 or 3 times - maybe try a neighbour - and then return to sender.

i think the wider point is an interesting one though - WFH isn’t the same as being in a office, and that brings good and bad things. On the one hand, it means employees might be distracted by domestic tasks or doorbells, but it tends to also mean they work longer hours, the cost of keeping an office is reduced or eliminated, and salaries can flatten for employees that don’t have commenting costs any more. Expecting people to behave exactly the same as in the office is as unrealistic as expecting employers to carry out identical procedures as they would have to in an office - providing cleaners, risk assessments etc. Things have changed for many forms of work, it’s no more unprofessional to answer the door than it is to not wear a tie.

Or 3. Get your act together and move on

I was being polite for Mumsnet 😂. Assuming I'm unable to do something technical based on being blonde and female is usually considered inappropriate. It is wrong to assume I can't do something based on those attributes rather than considering my qualifications and experience in the area concerned.

Except they weren't men...

I really do worry about women reporting colleagues for small things that we should be able to deal with ourselves.

The workplace was full of the kind of nonsense OP reports when I started work in the 1980s. I once walked into a meeting on a construction site (I was a consultant) to numerous topless calendars hanging on the walls. I waited until the other attendees arrived (one woman, junior to me, among them) and walked slowly and directly round the room turning the photographs to the wall, then sat down. It would never have occurred to me to report it.

Several years later, a senior male colleague, in front of a roomful of other colleagues, suggested when I was in the middle of giving a presentation, that I was sleeping with (or 'doing it', as he charmingly put it) another senior colleague who was not in the room. At the time, I walked towards him looking directly into his eyes then, when I was right in front of him, said: 'May I get on with my presentation now, please, X?' I did then report him, but only because a friend who worked in Sweden told me how seriously it would have been taken there.

The benefit of women standing up to these idiotic men is that it's dealt with on the spot, when there can be no 'he said, she said' to-ing and fro-ing.