Colleagues spoke about me on Teams call thinking I wasn’t there - do I say anything

[AndreaGreen]

I had a video call with two colleagues earlier, from a different area of the business and who I hadn’t met before. They were from the same team so knew each other, and our call was to discuss a project coming up involving the department I’m in.

I had a shitty nights sleep with my DD and to be honest wasn’t 100% with it on the call, I was a bit slow on articulating myself a couple of times and muddled through one answer in particular.

My doorbell went about 5 minutes from the end for a delivery I was expecting, I said I was just going to get it and muted myself/turned camera off as I would usually. As I got up my DH (on his lunch break) shouted up that he’d answer it.

I went to sit back down and obviously the two colleagues were still on the screen. I heard one of them mutter something about the call being hard work. The other one then made a comment about my appearance, which was basically that ‘it’s a good job she’s a looker as I don’t think any man would be with her for her brains’ and the other one laughed. They were then quiet clearly waiting for me to return.

I felt upset at this point so gave it a minute and typed in the chat that something had come up and I couldn’t rejoin, and that any other questions they could put in the chat to me.

I cried my eyes out afterwards, I feel stressed enough as it is and this has really hit my confidence. DH thinks I should report them but the call wasn’t recorded and it would be my word against theirs.

Do you think I’m overreacting or would you look to report this?

My DH works for a FTSE 100 company and is director of more than of 30of its subsidiaries- many countries (China etc) require manually and not digitally signed and witnessed physical documents. Odd you find this hysterical. But then maybe that’s why he’s a millionaire and you’re typing on Mumsnet?

Either report or e-mail them to let then know you heard everything they said. Their comments were unprofessional not to mention rude AND hurtful! Sending hugs.🤗

If it isn’t recorded then don’t report it.

it is a very nasty thing to think let alone share. It isn’t a good environment to work in, I’d be looking for another work asap. Then, when I leave, I will say exactly why.

Good luck op
🌺

So when in an office, you never stop work to make coffee or have lunch? Or use your lunch break to go for a walk? Do you never stop and have a non-work related conversation with a colleague? If so, what an awful work place you have!
At my work, where we are all remote, it is completely standard for people to answer doors for a few seconds. Or to use their lunch breaks to take the dog for a walk.

Your manager sounds almost as unprofessional as they do OP. It sounds like a really toxic workplace.

Personally I think that you need to try to be a bit more assertive, you definitely did the right thing by reporting those twats, but you should also have said something to your manager about her inconsiderate behaviour and perhaps also suggest to her that you'd conpme back when she had more time to listen to your grievance.

I had this happen to me with a colleague slagging me off on a training course. I have known her 20 years and thought she was lovely.

I reported to her line manager and the trainer also reported her. She ended up emailing a grovelling apology. I accepted the apology, but told her what I thought of her actions and to never speak to me again.

Some people are spiteful.

I would 100% complain !! Regardless of if they said it to you or about you was highly inappropriate, lacked professionalism and had nothing at all to do with the business! I would go to HR and explain you didn’t have much opportunity to speak. I would also comment that the lack of recording of meetings has probably facilitated allowing them to behave like masonagistic bastards…. And is this really how they want the company represented??!! It would be interesting to know if they have been picked up about this before 🤔
I hope your self confidence picks back up, clearly from the eloquence of your post, you’re professional, beautiful and intelligent ( maybe they are just envious !! 🤣 😂 )

You said they were for your teens.

As for your DH being a DIVISIONAL Director of a FTSE 100 business and being a millionaire. In the words of Shania "that don't impress me much". I bet the Analysts were as interested in his appointment as I am.

he’s a millionaire and you’re typing on Mumsnet?

That's right only paupers post on MN don't they? What you you doing on MN?

Your manager's attitude seems to have shaped the way you conduct yourself, and they conduct themselves, at work. You're all as bad as each other. At least you're not in trouble for being unprepared and unprofessional?

Try reading comprehension… I said: they are as often ‘couriers with highly confidential documents needing signatures’ as they are ‘gaming merch for my teens’.

🤦🏽‍♀️

oh and he is not a ‘divisional head’ he’s a GLOBAL head and director on the board of the parent company AND the 30+ subsidiaries…

and he absolutely steps away from on-line meetings to answer the door and would also call the two chaps who disrespected the OP into his office to have a conversation. He and his company take no stock with people displaying misogynistic, racist, or homophobic behaviours on company Teams calls.

How awful for you. Let them both know that you over heard them saying what they said and wanted to warn them to be careful as anyone else may have reported them. Is there any way they could have been talking about someone other than you?

You know you were feeling tired and below par so don’t believe those comments. Remember the times st work when you’ve been awesome! They sound immature & lacking self esteem.

x

Ps I’m killing time on MN, drinking G&T in the back garden whilst DH plays with the BBQ - not being a derogatory troll towards the OP and those supporting her against shocking misogyny which clearly distressed her.

Let it go. Silly people making silly remarks but you did say you were not at your best so first impressions and all that. They don't have the right to voice these opinions on a call. Very unprofessional of them so if you want to discuss it with someone, it should be them. I would personally go that route and do it in a nice way, although clearly these two aren't very nice which puts you on higher ground. Perhaps I'm more thick skinned than most, comes from working with a bunch of psychos for years.

That'll be the dyslexia. My apologies for laughing at the comment, I completely misread that.

It doesn't distract from your attempts at credibility by association or your snobbery about your millionaire husband's divisional role in a FTSE 100 business. Come back when the Analysts are positive about his appointment. I will still only be mildly interested if those shares are part of my portfolio.

Now tou are being silly! The clue is in the words ‘lunch break’. What someone does then is up to them, during working hours/meetings, not so much.

So not just me who thinks when you are working and being paid you should be on top of things. This situation wouldn’t have happened in an office. Your colleagues remarks were unkind and unprofessional but as kids say in the playground “you started it”.

Bloody hell your manager is as bad as the arseholes on the meeting

and I see that there are also a lot of arseholes on this thread.

pathetic misogynists one and all

I have already given my opinion on the OPs situation. You may not think that snobbery is a damaging as misogyny, but I do.

Ohhh 👌👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻you must be so proud! Well done. 😎🤓

She should.

Better to be proud of that than the misogynistic wankers on this thread.

I’m really sorry this happened to you OP, and that your manager is so shit.

Your manager could have started by showing this had their full attention then checking in on how you feel about it and assuring you it’s not ok, but up to you. You wouldn’t materially be in a different place but you’d probably feel less crappy and marginalised by it all.

They sound like dicks, chatting like that on a live work call is hugely inappropriate and this might not be the last time they wade into bother if they’re that lax.

I would have got back on the call and said "Do you know what misogyny means?" But then I don't give a shit about saying it especially to 2 blokes. Watch them squirm

Report it 100%

The door bell thing is not a huge deal, but OP was not the only one home. She should have left it for DH to answer, especially being aware of how badly the meeting was going.

I said not to bother reporting, but OPs boss sounds a bit crap. OP saying she’s been upset by an incident and highlighting she’s not performed well and left a meeting early should at least be heard and recorded. Advice from HR should also have been sought by her boss.

Doesn’t seem like a great place to work.