Colleagues spoke about me on Teams call thinking I wasn’t there - do I say anything

[AndreaGreen]

I had a video call with two colleagues earlier, from a different area of the business and who I hadn’t met before. They were from the same team so knew each other, and our call was to discuss a project coming up involving the department I’m in.

I had a shitty nights sleep with my DD and to be honest wasn’t 100% with it on the call, I was a bit slow on articulating myself a couple of times and muddled through one answer in particular.

My doorbell went about 5 minutes from the end for a delivery I was expecting, I said I was just going to get it and muted myself/turned camera off as I would usually. As I got up my DH (on his lunch break) shouted up that he’d answer it.

I went to sit back down and obviously the two colleagues were still on the screen. I heard one of them mutter something about the call being hard work. The other one then made a comment about my appearance, which was basically that ‘it’s a good job she’s a looker as I don’t think any man would be with her for her brains’ and the other one laughed. They were then quiet clearly waiting for me to return.

I felt upset at this point so gave it a minute and typed in the chat that something had come up and I couldn’t rejoin, and that any other questions they could put in the chat to me.

I cried my eyes out afterwards, I feel stressed enough as it is and this has really hit my confidence. DH thinks I should report them but the call wasn’t recorded and it would be my word against theirs.

Do you think I’m overreacting or would you look to report this?

It's called professionalism. In this context you leave the door.

Yes they were not at all professional but neither were you answering the door during a meeting for 3 people.

Honestly you do you, but don’t think anyone is admiring your professionalism for such bizarre behaviour.

Who is looking for admiration? There are lots of other people on this thread who also think there was unprofessional behaviour all round. You are the bizarre one and your standards are clearly low.

100% report this ,it is not in any way acceptable behaviour and you do not deserve to be treated in this way , irs childish and unprofessional

Agree! Really surprised at some of the responses on here. You don't leave a meeting with people you've met for the first time to answer the door, especially when you've already bumbled about and made a poor impression.

May be too late to the party here but Id bank the compliment (cool) and try to redirect the upset feelings about the insult ( which proves them to be not so smart) into determination - prep/ script the hell out of the next few calls - no greater motivation than spite - the second guy may have been just cornered and squirming - its the guy who started the comment I would watch

This is a difficult dilemma, and I sympathise with you, as something similar has happened to me before, which is why for all its benefits I think working at home and Teams Meetings can be a nightmare as some people slip into an unprofessional manner. But equally, they may have said the exact same thing behind your back about you after leaving a meeting room (if it had been a face to face meeting). I would personally use it to my advantage as now you know what they said/think you can show them up with your brilliance at your next meeting. Can you book the next meeting invite for a day/time that suits YOU, like maybe an afternoon one if you aren't getting much sleep. What they said was personal, unprofessional and would contravene the staff dignity/behaviour policy of most organisations. But you need to put yourself first: will it be MORE stressful to go through a grievance policy while working on the joint project? They sound like a pair of idiots. I would be tempted not to let them have the satisfaction of knowing their comments upset you, as their opinions are worth nothing: unjustified, ignorant and they aren't even your bosses. I expect they are being touchy about the project having a cross-departmental aspect and insecurely resorting to play-ground behaviour.

I do alot of team calls, even if someone muted and turns off there camera you know there's a possibility they can still hear you. They did this on purpose they don't care if you heard or not there bullies and need reporting.

So we are only to have opinions on things which directly relate to our own circumstances?

I wouldnt be reporting it and flagging up a performance in a meeting so shit my colleagues noticed. They will rip you to bits for leaving work to take a personal delivery and fumbling your work!

Another one for this

It is utterly wild that this thread has turned into a raging debate on “is it OK to answer the door during a Teams meeting?” and not a unanimous “it’s not OK to discuss your colleague’s looks or worth in relation to why men may or may not find her attractive”.

I answer the door in some meetings, not in others, probably wouldn’t have done in OP’s circumstances. I don’t comment on my colleagues’ appearances or discuss why or whether men are attracted to them. It’s pretty simple.

There’s definitely a simmering resentment around WFH, but I appreciate all replies!

No you are one of the people who is ruining WFH for everyone else. My neighbours do not answer the door when they WFH. I know because their Amazon driver is instructed ( with my permission ) to knock on my door. They always collect after work and are generally great neighbours. They don’t hang washing out in the middle of the day either.

If its ok in ops company to nip away and answer the door then how is op ruining WFH for everyone else?

Well you typically take a lunch break. If you use part of that time hanging out the washing what’s the issue.
if not on a call it takes 2 mins to open the door, not much time out of your day. Probably the time you save by not queuing for the coffee machine or to go the toilet

Because it is not professional. While people may be allowed to answer the door, it is not OK to answer it during a meeting with 3 people. If you were at work, most people would not pop out of a meeting room on a personal errand.

No simmering resentment here thanks. I am in the you shouldn’t have answered the door in that meeting camp…and I work from home and most definitely dip away from some meetings to answer the door. But I categorically would not have done in this instance.

I would def email and let them know you heard and comments not needed and you will be thinking of taking this further

and see what their replies are

hopefully an apology

tho you did say you weren’t on the ball work wise

but the sexist comment about appearance would piss me off

I had something similar happen on a Video call recently. I just let them know that they shouldn't be discussing my capabilities — they were no where near as offensive though. I would report it. This is totally inappropriate.

I don't think it's wrong to discuss capabilities. There's an expected standard and it affects everyone when someone isn't doing their part. They'd be perfectly within their rights to report the problems they were experiencing with OP.

Again, if it's OK in ops company how is she ruining WFH for everyone?

Not at all, have any uninformed opinion you want but don’t be surprised if people disregard it.

Not at all, have any uninformed opinion you want but don’t be surprised if people disregard it.