The trouble with money is that it creates divisions. It builds classes. That’s just as true in a relationship as it is in wider society. However, in a relationship it can (should) be far easier to change things.
I’ve never understood these sorts of relationships - especially once two people start a family - where each person continues to act as an individual. In which money earned by each person is wholly theirs and they will contribute a certain amount to the agreed costs of living and the rest is theirs while the other person has to struggle to keep up.
Why would a couple - and certainly a family - not have a shared pot from which to fund the things that are required for the family to survive and support the lifestyle they want?
Why would you want a family or a relationship that runs along the lines of a house share or perhaps a small business in which a few people hold shares of differing values and so have x number of votes in decisions. And besides, so often in these situations neither partner seems wholly happy in how things are managed.
And, I’ve never understood how it works when people don’t pool their money as a couple. What is the higher earner doing with all their spare cash? Are they spending it all on solo holidays and fancy clothes while telling their partner that if they can’t afford these things they can’t partake? Treating the lower earner like a second class citizen in the relationship.
Are there loaded people walking around in Gieves suits and cashmere overcoats while their partner follows behind in some ancient and unsubstantial jacket they got from Primark 15 years ago and have never been able to replace? Are they going off on wonderful holidays while their partner, and maybe children too, have a rainy week in an ancient leaky tent on the south coast? Perhaps these higher earners also insist on a special room in the house into which they occasionally retreat to dive into their vast hoards of cash like Scrooge MacDuck!
And what about when children come along? Children are wholly dependent upon their parents, they cannot by definition contribute either financially or practically to a household. They do, of course, bring something far more important and wonderful.
And it’s silly, if not dangerous, to only think of what people can contribute to a family financially. Things are not just about money. People provide all sorts of things to relationships and families, money, child care, emotional support, household tasks, the list is endless, and none of it should be seen as more valid - or worthy- than anything else. Certainly, money shouldn’t trump all else. And besides, beyond all this why should the aim of a career be to make the most money, sadly the majority of jobs that do some actual good to the world and to society are usually some of the worst paid. Should someone be forced to find a better paid job, possibly doing something they hate and they see has less beneficial to society, just to find equity in their relationship or should the bigger earner perhaps decide that they should do all they can to make their partner happy and supported?
If your partner were not in a relationship, was a single parent, then what would they do? They’d have to earn less and work less or they’d have to spend more on child support and such.
Surely one of the joys of becoming a couple is that you discover the brilliant thing when two people coming together creates something far more powerful and creative than any individual can manage? Dreams and joys are shared and the couple acts as a support to the individuals involved and work towards their goals together. Sure, one might be able to contribute more financially, but the others bring other things.
OP, you seem to be stuck in a position of helplessness. You view yourself as having very little power in this partnership. You say things, like you hope you might get married one day but that decision sits with your partner. That’s nonsense. This is 2025 not 1825. You are an equal player in this relationship. What you both need to start doing as a couple is having proper grown up conversations. Absolutely, you should both agree or find compromise in things such as your decision to go part time, but you only talk about that in terms of you being able to contribute financially. I assume that in going part time you are doing so to spend time looking after your child. That’s a huge thing to do and needs to be considered as just as important in the running of your family as any money. When you are not working you will not be spending money on childcare, so it’s by no means only financially burdensome.
At the very least, if you cannot make your partner understand he needs to stop using money as a tool to make you feel like a second rate player in this relationship, then he must at least pay you for the childcare you are providing.