Finances post baby - how would you split?

[Jeje100]

I would welcome views on this - pre baby/mat leave, DP and I both worked full time and split mortgage/bills equally - he earns double my salary.

I’m going back on roughly 50% of my hours on the same salary (pro-rata’d of course), with DP’s salary still double.

Would you expect DP to now pay say c.75% of all bills, or more given that now I’m earning less each month, I won’t have much left over post settling my share?

Likewise. Zero security.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Go to a registry office and get married or enter into a civil partnership as soon as possible. You've put yourself in an incredibly vulnerable position by living together and having a child before marriage.

Having a kid is a commitment to the child.

Having a mortgage is a commitment to a bank.

Neither offer any security to the other adult. Are you on the deeds of the house OP?

It doesn't matter why, the fact is that he is the parent too and should be part of the decision making.

Your dh sounds very money orientated. I went back part time, but thankfully dh and I were on the same page and he’d rather dc was in nursery 3 days and with me 2. We’ve never had shared finances and I can’t remember the exact amounts but I paid a good chunk less into the household.

Even with this plan though dh had to make adjustments to his working schedule. He started later and did all drop offs and I did pick ups. We split sick days, negotiating who has more flex on that particular day.

in your case id work out costs/ logistics of you returning ft vs pt.
ask him what days he will drop offs/ pick up will. Who will do sick days. Night wake ups etc.

you going back ft will only work if he does 50:50.

To answer some questions:

-We jointly own the house
-We have our own savings but know what each other has roughly and I have slightly more due to an inheritance
-We’ve always paid half on any holidays, home improvements etc

Have you discussed how childcare costs will be split @Jeje100

Yes decision should be joint but practically speaking is really hard to juggle both working full time. We did it after my first and I nearly gave myself a breakdown! Went part time after second. Yes luckily my partner was on board even though I was actually the higher earner, but if he isn’t been I would have pushed until he let me because with was too much to juggle and I hated being away the children that much. Sometimes it’s about more than the money. There were lots of practical things and the strong emotional feelings that my husband didn’t feel immediately feel. ( that doesn’t mean he didn’t listen- he always dif it just needed spelling out) .

If my dp reduced his hours without my agreement and then expected me to subsidise his share of the bills, I would not be happy and I wouldn't be up for it.

You can't make this decision on your own, you're a couple and a partnership these kinds of decisions can't be made on your own.

Is he even able to cover 75% of the bills?

If you went back full-time would your partner still expect you to pay 50:50 for everything even though you earn less

Yeah I believe he would

But he's not her D'H'. He's her boyfriend. Very different situations.

Is it a type of job with progression or will you always be at the same salary?

I wouldn't downsized my career unless married and all money is family money. all into and out of one pot. You're a family, not flatmates.

Nice. Would he pay you for his share of the childcare you are providing for his baby?

We just pool our money. Neither of us really monitor the others spending, we would discuss a very expensive purchase like a car. But we both have very similar values. I didn’t want to be asking my DH for money after having had a child nor feeling I was reliant.

This some of my friends pay proportionately and they’ve scrolled through mat leave having to “ask” for money. If you can’t be trusted with a joint account you shouldn’t be having a child together.

I would expect him to contribute more but it should be by take home pay not overall salary. At 50% hours you will still get full personal allowance so your earnings should be slightly above 50% of what they were before. If he is then earning 4x more than you then he should be contributing in roughly that proportion.

If you went back full time you would have to pay more in childcare so your reduction in hours is saving money on that. You shouldn’t be financially disadvantaged.

The option would be there, but I’m not massively career orientated so bar annual pay reviews I can’t see any major pay rise in the coming years

Has he paid anything towards the child so far?

I absolutely wouldn’t say that. It should be 50/50 on parenting and domestic stuff as a starting point. Nothing will
ever change if all the men get off lightly because they earn more.

If you do have a financial split—which I think is madness when there’s a child—make sure your childcare contribution is recognized. What does a nanny cost in your area? That’s the comparison.

We've always just done one pot. 2 joint accounts, spending and bills.
Dh money goes into bills account and he’s mostly worked full time. I’ve worked a mostly part time or I’ve been self employed so cut back in the holidays etc. My money goes into the spending account. We both have access to everything, just discuss big purchases etc.

Nobody would ever have children. There’s a benefit to OP being home more too.

Yeah of course