Finances post baby - how would you split?

[Jeje100]

I would welcome views on this - pre baby/mat leave, DP and I both worked full time and split mortgage/bills equally - he earns double my salary.

I’m going back on roughly 50% of my hours on the same salary (pro-rata’d of course), with DP’s salary still double.

Would you expect DP to now pay say c.75% of all bills, or more given that now I’m earning less each month, I won’t have much left over post settling my share?

I'm of the belief that as an adult member of a family you don't get to just unilaterally decide that the other adult member of the family is going to support you. That's a two yes, one no decision for me. So I would expect you to still contribute half.

Exactly this.

If you make unilateral decisions then you better be able to financially support yourself through them, if you can’t, back to full time.

Why is the ball not in your court? Are you wanting to be ‘proposed to’?

Well this just doesn’t make sense. If you were to go back to work to “maximise the amount you bring in” you’d just be paying someone else to look after your child.

So you and your partner need to pick between A: you earning less and looking after your joint child or B: you working/earning as before and paying for someone else to look after your joint child.

Either way the money loss is pretty much the same.

You have a joint child now. Surely your finances should be joint too. You’ve both decided to have a child so you shouldn’t be suffering financially. You’re a family and a team. You should both be paid into the same account and all bills come out of that and then you have the same amount of pocket money transferred to your individual accounts to spend on what you wish and then whatever is left over in the joint account at the end of the month goes into savings.

You are in a very vulnerable position and you plan to make yourself more vulnerable.

They aren’t a team at all, OP is making decisions independently which impact the whole family. I wouldn’t want a person like that on my team!

Exactly what I was going to say.

Your DP does realise if you go back full time and you have to pay 5 days of childcare that he will still be losing some of his wages to that?

You are putting yourself in a vulnerable position, especially without marriage. It also sounds like you reduced your hours without his agreement.

I wouldn't expect him to fund it.

If you split up what would your current financial position be?

How is she supposed to contribute half when she’s earning over 50% less than him.

She’s taking the hit of earning less so she can look after their JOINT child.

It will forever blow my mind when people see it as the man “supporting” the woman financially and doing her a favour when she cant earn as much because she’s providing the childcare. Someone has to look after this child that they magically produced.

If you work more hours who would be paying childcare? How much parenting is he planning to do?

So, if your partner wants to maximise earning, how was he proposing that you split childcare responsibilities? Is he happy to take sick days/ adjust his schedule to accommodate nursery pick up and drop offs?

This is so important

The loss of earnings is going to happen either way. Either from the OP working less to provide childcare or the OP and partner having to pay for childcare so she can continue working as much.

It wouldn't be a great decision to reduce your hours and pension contributions without the legal protection of a marriage contract.

Safeguard your housing/financial security, this is so important.

and it should be a joint decision, not the mother just deciding that she'll reduce her hours and that's that.

@steff13 you would expect someone to contribute half even though they earn half the amount their partner does?

I think these conversations need to be had before bringing your child into the world, during pregnancy or beforehand if they are planned.

For example I always knew in my heart I’d want to go part time if I was ever a mum especially for the first few years and DH was very supportive of this and pays extra towards bills than I do now.

It does seem like this convo wasn’t really had

For a start, 50/50 when he earns more isn’t equitable, the split should be based on earnings. He’s won a watch on that one so far.

The new split should be based on the new earnings.

Whilst I agree that reducing hours should be discussed and agreed it isn’t just about hours and money is it? What about childcare, drop offs and pickups? Share of housework etc. There needs to be give and take on both sides. Men normally get let off a lot if stuff as they earn more - yes often because of the pay gap.

So if OP says ok I won’t reduce my hours but you need to share all pickups etc then I expect people would be saying that’s not fair as he earns more. Regardless of earnings all chores and childcare should be shared as a team regardless of pay.

On another note I think if you make commitment and move in together then bills are prorata according to earnings. Were all chores shared equally? This is the first ‘mistake’ you made. You are now in a risky position, you’re not married and he’s not supporting you.

Well yes this should obviously have been discussed before conception/during pregnancy. But why wouldn’t any father want their baby to be looked after by a parent rather than a childcare professional if it was coming out at the same financial loss.

I understand if both parents are big earners and for one to cut hours it would be a bigger financial loss rather than paying for childcare but it doesn’t seem so in this case.

Why were you splitting your bills 50/50 rather than proportionally before you had the baby? That’s not behaving as a committed partnership at all. I’m surprised other people haven’t mentioned that as I think it’s very important to where you find yourself now.

He must have loads of savings, whose name are they in? Do you own your property in equal shares?

You're not married so you’re not legally committed to each other at all. I wouldn’t be going part time.

Why are you leaving marriage up to him? Would you have let him unilaterally decide when you could buy a house or have a baby? You say he’s committed but it doesn’t sound like it.

I’d first ask who he thought was going to be looking after the child and was he ready to pay for childcare if OP went back full time.

It is his child too and he has just as much responsibility to work out the arrangements.

She’s not “taking a hit”, this is what OP wanted and has chosen, without agreement from her “partner”.

No adult in a relationship gets to make decisions like that themselves and then expect the other person to be okay with it.

The only person limiting what OP can earn is her- women are not always a victim, OP is doing what she wants to do here, not what she has been forced to, and she’s thrust her decision unilaterally on the household. That’s fine- but finance it yourself, if you expect a partner to support you then you need their agreement first.