Finances post baby - how would you split?

[Jeje100]

I would welcome views on this - pre baby/mat leave, DP and I both worked full time and split mortgage/bills equally - he earns double my salary.

I’m going back on roughly 50% of my hours on the same salary (pro-rata’d of course), with DP’s salary still double.

Would you expect DP to now pay say c.75% of all bills, or more given that now I’m earning less each month, I won’t have much left over post settling my share?

What’s that?

If you were (hypothetically) to go back to work how would that work. Re childcare. Who would finance it? Because if your partner was willing to split the cost 50/50 with you on everything else then surely the childcare bill would be included. So realistically he’s going to have to finance something, either a childcare bill for a child in full time care or shouldering something extra in the bills to allow work part time

BTW I never understand this completely separate finances thing.

Payment should be proportionate to income.

Have you worked out what extra childcare would cost with you working full time as opposed to part time?
And then the difference in your deductions with full time & part time?
I take it if going part time, you'll be the one doing drop off, pick up & sick days? If you stay full time it will have to be shared. This is also his child. I think he needs a reality check.

One day maybe, the ball isn’t really in my court with that. But we’ve got a house and a child so I don’t doubt his commitment.

He's committed to his child and the mortgage company, but not to you!

I don't think that once person should decide to go back to work part time without the other agreeing, and then expect them to cough up more money to enable this.

This, regardless of what each person earns! It’s family money…

Then I wouldn't expect him to fund the fact that you aren't interested in progressing. It's a valid choice but I don't think someone else should pay for it.

So is he this militant about housework, cooking and parenting to be shared 50/50?

I think you'd be mad to sacrifice your earning potential when you're not married, but I guess you know the risk you're taking. It has to be with his agreement though.

I think this is the way to go.

Because she chose to only work part-time. As an adult who has been the primary and sometimes only breadwinner in my family for my entire adult life, I don't agree with another adult only working part-time.

I feel like you didn't understand my point, which was, you are welcome to work half time as long as you can continue to contribute at the same rate you You had been contributing when you were working full time.

Doing child care is not a favor to him. We don't know that he's not happy to pay for child care for every day.

I think you're setting yourself up for failure.
It doesn't sound like an equal partnership.

Why won't he get married?

Will housework, cooking, nursery runs, childcare be 50-50 too?
or will you be expected to contribute more in those areas but not reduce your financial input?

@Jeje100sorry but I think you’ve made a mistake here. I was in a similar position and unmarried. We split up after 16 years. Please push to get married/civil partnership because you are doing yourself no favours here. You are the one who will take the hit financially in terms of income and pension. You will be entitled to nothing from him if you split up, while his savings and pension grow. I wouldn’t cut your working hours down by half in this position, I went to a 4 day week and my pension/savings were seriously disadvantaged. I would keep my hours up but I’d be arguing that the joint account needs to be proportionate. He’s obviously quite tight/money oriented/call it what you will. I completely understand that you want to spend time with your baby but you need the security of marriage before making that leap.

We tried doing percentage of salaries when we first met. What we do now is have a joint account where the salaries are paid into and used for all bills and expenses. Then we have personal accounts, and each month a direct debit goes into those for £100 each which we can spend on whatever we want without question from the other (or save it). This will obviously vary depending on your household budget.

Also it’s not about doubting his commitment… it’s having your own back covered if the worst was to happen (cheating/splitting up). You’ll be entitled to far more of his salary/pension etc (which you’ve lost by going part time) if you were married. Otherwise he’ll have a lovely retirement and yours will be shit.

Putting aside the issue of you making a decision on working hours that he does not necessarily agree with, I'm unclear why you split the bills 5-/50 when he earns so much more than you? That seems completely bizarre to me and I would think even if you went back to work full time, surely he should be paying MORE of the bills otherwise your disposable incomes must be completely out of whack?

As for the hours issue, it's difficult if he doesn't agree to it. But I would certainly make sure it's clear that if you go back full time the childcare costs go up.

Exactly...

Whether DP wants to or not they should still be given an option of which you forgot to mention...
Option C...
The partner goes PT and OP goes back full time.

That only applies if they are married. They are just boyfriend and girlfriend. I do not believe boyfriend and girlfriend should have joint finances.

I’ve been married over 20 years and have never had a joint bank account!

Married here too and would never agree to a joint bank account.

Sorry for not quoting/@‘ing, just easier to do it this way as I’m reading a lot of posts at once:

-We started the 50/50 split when our salaries were closer together, he’s had a promotion since then and salary has grown quite a bit. It has never really been revisited.

-He does chip in and do his fair share around the house and he will do the nursery drop offs.

-He has never been massive on getting married, hasn’t ruled it out, and like a lot of men probably wouldn’t go with the suggestion of me demanding we get down the registry office at the earliest opportunity!

Hey Jeje100

I was in this more or less exact situation in 2016 after the birth of our daughter. I earned a lot less then my partner and when we moved in together I paid half of the bills including the mortage for a house that he had bought before we met. After I had our daughter he just said don't give me any more money and if I needed money ( for food shopping etc ) he would just bank transfer. After about 6 months he said it will be easier to get a joint account and all money goes in one pot and out of one pot. I went back to work part time and then full time before having our son in 2021. I did have some career progression and earnt more but I can't match his earnings. He works away during the week and although when at home he is hands on ( with the kids) easily 95% of all domestic labour , childcare and admin falls to me. I used to feel like a failure and I was super competitive trying or wanting to keep up. I think looking back now it was the wrong way to look at it, I have had to change and adapt my career around children. I think that if you are looking after the child and home and the earnings are unequal perhaps the fairest way to do it is to chuck everything in one pot? We have been together now 11 years, married for 5. I should have never looked at it as mine and his, everything is ours, and he has never made me feel like it's his money vs my money. It tooka long time for me to come around to see that infact we are team. Please no hate but I recommend this approach for financial equality.

Same here, but the marriage contract means you are legally financially linked.

Money contributed should be based on earnings and on overall agreed expenses. Personally I'd be getting married sharp ish in your scenario unless your inheritance is major $$$....and keep an eye on the pension. It is easier to get a mortgage with one set of childcare costs and two working adults then two sets of childcare costs....esp if your salary won't change so do bear that in mind.

I don't think you can expect to.pay less as you have decided to work less. What if your partner did the same and cut his hours to spend more time with baby would you pay in more to subsidise his choices?
I went part time after baby but it's a sacrifice financially and I only did it after doing a budget to make sure I could pay my bills from my wage. It was a good job really as we split before baby was 2

Your mistake was getting pregnant before you got married. I'd be making it clear that either you get married now, or he owes you half the equivalent cost of the childcare you'll be providing.