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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I ask to be a shareholder too? DH company etc

203 replies

isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:18

Ok I’m going to try to explain this without completely outing myself here, so bear with me.

My DH has a good income, of which 50 percent flows into an investment company be co-owns with his father. This is for apparent company benefits.

I have work full time, but make around half of what my DH makes. The amount flowing into the investment company is equivalent to my entire salary.

my DH pays for all bills/ mortgage/ cars and one child’s education and I pay for our other child’s education , as well as quite a bit of our household expenses. Food shopping etc.

in any case, I am the default parent, I leave work early / work from home when kids are sick and I take care of our household. DH works long hours and I manage my job around his hours.

question is - is it fair for me not to be part of this investment company too ? Seeing as he’s putting so much money into it ( very little wise )? If he decides to leave me one day, I won’t have many rights over the investments that have grown over the years, seeing as his father is part of the company and I’m not. So my DH shares would be diluted.

I make a lot of sacrifices too, to enable my DH to work the hours he needs to, to enable him to even earn the money to put into the investments.

wouldn’t it be fairer if I was also a shareholder ?

thanks for your help!

OP posts:
Original poster
isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 09:49

Also I didn’t add that we also have a company we co own for similar investments. Where he could have chosen to put his salary but he chose to open a second company with his dad and will only invest in our company if we equally put money into it.

OP posts:
AnSolas · 10/04/2025 09:49

Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 09:33

Hes obviously there for reasons that have not been revealed. Thinking of it though if OP were to get a share in the company it would have to be a portion of the husbands shares as you cannot make FIL give any of his to her.

Therefore for example if her DH was to give her 50% of his shares how does it actually make her any better off? It's the minimum she'd get in a divorce anyway

Show quote history

She gets voting rights and a legal right to veto the company from taking steps which would damage her investment and a right to oversee how the company is spending money and that it is tax compliant.

At the moment the OP has no control over or even understanding of a business which could bankrupt her husband and leave her homeless if the house had to be sold to meet his debts.

BillyBoe46 · 10/04/2025 09:53

HuffleMyPuffle · 10/04/2025 08:29

Your children are what you have to show for it

But you're only focusing on the money

Children need to eat and be housed

Viviennemary · 10/04/2025 09:53

Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 08:22

Do you do any work for this company? If not then no. Sounds a bit " gold diggersish " tbh

I totally disagree with this. OP is contributing financially to the household. Of course she should ask to be shareholder.

Starlight7080 · 10/04/2025 10:00

He pays for pretty much everything so you have the choice to save .

SharpLily · 10/04/2025 10:03

CiscoTS · 10/04/2025 09:43

I don’t understand this either. Why won’t he explain the facts and benefits to you?

People tend to get angry when they are being defensive. It feels like he definitely doesn’t want you to get legal advice. I’d be wondering WHY (and obtaining a bit of advice without him knowing).

Show quote history

This is the key. There's not necessarily any reason to suspect you're being ripped off or he's trying to keep anything from you but you should be absolutely and thoroughly clear on exactly what the situation is and exactly why things are happening. Why is the money being used the way it is and how do the investments work etc., and what exactly is FIL's role if he's not contributing. If he (husband) won't accept that then yes, I would wonder what he's trying to hide.

Kipperandarthur · 10/04/2025 10:05

isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 09:49

Also I didn’t add that we also have a company we co own for similar investments. Where he could have chosen to put his salary but he chose to open a second company with his dad and will only invest in our company if we equally put money into it.

Well this certainly changes things and muddies the waters.

Blairwitch82 · 10/04/2025 10:08

TasWair · 10/04/2025 08:32

Mad responses on here.
OP does all the work at home, which is a lot! Her unpaid labour has enabled her husband to progress in his career and has probably impeded on her ability to expand her own and make more money.
It's mindblowing to me that a website for women thinks it's completely acceptable for women to be put at a disadvantaged position career wise in order to do the unpaid labour of raising a family and maintaining a home. She spends her whole salary on the family, he spends half of his. But SHE is the gold digger?!
What's your relationship like OP? Could you raise this with him?

100 percent

Not a gold digger at all.

The support from OP has enabled her husband to grow his company.

get legal advice but i believe you are covered by the fact you are married.

WhitegreeNcandle · 10/04/2025 10:09

TasWair · 10/04/2025 08:32

Mad responses on here.
OP does all the work at home, which is a lot! Her unpaid labour has enabled her husband to progress in his career and has probably impeded on her ability to expand her own and make more money.
It's mindblowing to me that a website for women thinks it's completely acceptable for women to be put at a disadvantaged position career wise in order to do the unpaid labour of raising a family and maintaining a home. She spends her whole salary on the family, he spends half of his. But SHE is the gold digger?!
What's your relationship like OP? Could you raise this with him?

This with bells on. Once we were married all assets are built jointly in both our names. There is no way DH could earn what he does without me. It’s not just divorce to worry about either, it’s death. You don’t want to leave yourself high and dry if his will has everything going to the kids.

Inertia · 10/04/2025 10:09

I think you do need independent financial advice.

It sounds very complex.

Do you have wills? It sounds to me that if you’d made wills then all this would have been ironed out. That needs to be a priority.

crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 10:17

So he is happy to put money into an investment company where your FIL benefits from but where he puts no monetary contribution in to but won’t do the same with you.

I think this is very much trying to protect money for himself if you were ever to split

Floppyelf · 10/04/2025 10:17

You need to be smart. If you outright ask for it to be in your name then you will come off as gold diggerish. Ask for the shares to be in your child’s name and you have an authority on the shares until child is 25?

Laughingdoggo · 10/04/2025 10:18

HuffleMyPuffle · 10/04/2025 08:29

Your children are what you have to show for it

But you're only focusing on the money

Tell me you haven’t been through a divorce without telling me you haven’t been through a divorce…

crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 10:18

Why would she be seen as gold diggerish it is family money

Mumofteenandtween · 10/04/2025 10:21

Hang on - so this isn’t a company like “Fred’s Plumbing”? It is just an investment company (ie a posh name for a savings account) that, if you were to divorce, your FIL could take all the money out of so that a lot of the family assets are unavailable to you?

CoffeeBeansGalore · 10/04/2025 10:21

Your DH's thinking seems rather odd to me.
He's happy to put 50% of his income into a company jointly owned by his father but which father invests nothing. Jointly owns one with you but will only put in the same amount you do. Which is currently nothing because you can't afford it.

I think you need to readjust the percentage of bills you are currently paying. He has plenty of money left to save and invest. You have nothing. If he reduces what he puts in to the father/him company then he will have more money to play with. Father cannot complain because he puts in nothing. This will then leave you with more money to save/invest/play with.

You should not be struggling to pay off a credit card whilst he sits on "his" money like Scrooge McDuck.

Chungai · 10/04/2025 10:22

Red flags all over this OP I'm afraid.

Your DH getting angry when you raise it.

His refusal to put money into your shared business investment account.

The lack of transparency on why he's doing it.

If he has nothing to hide, why get so angry?

Not saying he DOES have anything to hide but you need some advice and answers.

Chungai · 10/04/2025 10:23

Mumofteenandtween · 10/04/2025 10:21

Hang on - so this isn’t a company like “Fred’s Plumbing”? It is just an investment company (ie a posh name for a savings account) that, if you were to divorce, your FIL could take all the money out of so that a lot of the family assets are unavailable to you?

Yep that's my reading of it.

And OP's DH is squirreling away as much as possible in there as he can to the detriment of OP.

Daftapath · 10/04/2025 10:23

You are absolutely not being a gold digger, you are being prudent.

It sounds as though this company has been set up to prevent you from having full access to family money. You should have been set up and equal share holder not your fil. If you were to divorce, only your dh’s shares would be considered in the asset pot (and there may even be ways that all of this could be prevented from being part of the marital pot, I’m not a lawyer/accountant).

Do you, dh and fil have wills? You could also be at risk if your fil/dh were to die unless they have written their wills to leave their shares to you. It sounds a mess!

Also, your dh’s savings should be in joint names so you have equal access. Especially as you are unable to save.

Is your dh abusive in other ways?

FamilyPhoto · 10/04/2025 10:27

Guistarry · 10/04/2025 08:35

How are her children being deprived of money?

Show quote history

By a large portion of father's / DH's income being funnelled into the other company. FAMILY MONEY..

BlueTitShark · 10/04/2025 10:29

HuffleMyPuffle · 10/04/2025 08:29

Your children are what you have to show for it

But you're only focusing on the money

What a lot bollocks!

Because the dcs are only hers? Not her dh? And they’re not ‘what HE has to show for them’ ever???

CoffeeBeansGalore · 10/04/2025 10:32

And what would happen if FiL divorced, or needed a nursing home. Would his 50% ownership be taken into account even though he'd made no contribution?

BlueTitShark · 10/04/2025 10:33

@isthisfairtodo id go and see a lawyer to know exactly where you stand re divorce or inheritance (if your dh dies) etc….

It is quite possible that the whole thing is just an investment and your discussion is only around how fair the way the finances distributed. 1/2 your waves going into savings is a hell of a lot when he seems to also insist on a 50/50 split if all the cost.
It might be that it’s there to build a nice nest to your detriment. He doesn’t pay his share and puts everything he can on the side.
It could also be that being a shareholder wouldn’t solve the issue.

Nina1013 · 10/04/2025 10:34

Your marital asset is 50% of the shares.

Nothing is diluted - if you wanted your ‘share’ of the shares, it would be 50% of your husband’s 50%, you wouldn’t split the original 100% 3 ways.

My husband has shares in a number of businesses, and I hold none of the shares. I would still be entitled to 50% of their value if we separated.

I am an accountant and completely happy with the set up we have. We (he) looked at holding all shares via a limited company of which we were both equal directors/shareholders (which would by default mean I then held 50% of his shares in everything) but I vetoed it as too much hassle.

You won’t be in any kind of better position, so I would say nothing to worry about.

honeylulu · 10/04/2025 10:35

I started off thinking it was fair enough because your H's half of the investment company is a marital asset anyway. Though it would make sense if his half of the shares were split between you so that you have some voting/control rights if your marriage went tits up and you wanted to be able to prevent H and FIL transferring the asset out of reach.

But now you've added that FIL doesn't do any work for either company and doesn't pay anything in to the investment company ... that doesn't sound fair or right at all. There is probably something I'm not understanding about the benefit of how it's set up. But it's a bit much for your H to moan about wanting to be able to save more of his income when he's giving 25% of it away to someone outside the household! Well, duh!

Do you know what happens to the money in the investment company? Does it just sit there? Or do H and/or FIL draw down from it? If it just sits there then this is surely "savings" isn't it? Have you pointed that out?

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