Should I ask to be a shareholder too? DH company etc

[isthisfairtodo]

Ok I’m going to try to explain this without completely outing myself here, so bear with me.

My DH has a good income, of which 50 percent flows into an investment company be co-owns with his father. This is for apparent company benefits.

I have work full time, but make around half of what my DH makes. The amount flowing into the investment company is equivalent to my entire salary.

my DH pays for all bills/ mortgage/ cars and one child’s education and I pay for our other child’s education , as well as quite a bit of our household expenses. Food shopping etc.

in any case, I am the default parent, I leave work early / work from home when kids are sick and I take care of our household. DH works long hours and I manage my job around his hours.

question is - is it fair for me not to be part of this investment company too ? Seeing as he’s putting so much money into it ( very little wise )? If he decides to leave me one day, I won’t have many rights over the investments that have grown over the years, seeing as his father is part of the company and I’m not. So my DH shares would be diluted.

I make a lot of sacrifices too, to enable my DH to work the hours he needs to, to enable him to even earn the money to put into the investments.

wouldn’t it be fairer if I was also a shareholder ?

thanks for your help!

so if your fil dies his should could be taxed at 40%? Your dh could lose 20% of his money. It doesn’t make sense to me, but as I said earlier I’m not an accountant.

WTH, “be free”? Do you seriously think that only women want/decide to have children? They are a family.

Do you all have wills?
Maybe a good way of having the conversation - ie if something were to happen to FIL would DH be paying inheritance tax on his own investment?

You need more info OP.

You need to understand

• what the concrete benefits are ideally in writing so you can check it out

• how FIL being part of it benefits everyone

• what happens to that money if something happens to your DH or he leaves you

• why he is putting so much in when you are both apparently falling short each month and what the flexibility is around this

Can you ask for a chat saying you'd like to look at financials generally and include this in it? It seems like you need to recalibrate your financial arrangements properly.

I don’t know, I thought I explained it well, sorry.

I don’t know what happens when he dies and I have queried this and said it would be unfair for FIL shares to go to DH siblings / MIL.

Yes you very much should feel vulnerable. There needs to be some legal protections drawn up for you and your DH in the event that your FIL dies or they fall out.

I would definitely ask! Arguably your DH’s investments each month are a family investment (including you!) and you should therefore be a shareholder.
You’d need to weigh up the ‘value’ of everyone’s input to properly decide the division of equity.

It sounds to me like DH is feathering his nest by having fil as 50 percent shareholder so if DH and OP ever divorced he'd only have to share 50 percent of company and likely fil would just gift his shares back to his ds after settlement over.

He would be free if he had never had the kids. They wouldn't be a family in that scenario. Can't you read?

No it absolutely does not.

Your husband is effectively gifting 25 per cent of his wages to his father.

Definitely seek legal advice.

So your FIL must be contributing to the company in a way that brings it benefits?

Either he’s a serious equity partner in the business or he’s not.

On the one hand you’re suggesting it’s basically a way for your Dh to siphon off money to his dad. Then you’re suggesting your FIL does contribution to the business.

Did you say your DH was self employed separately to this business? It’s sensible to have investments if that’s the case.

If you and your DH can’t are always tight on money perhaps your household income isn’t enough to sustain 2 children in private school.

Have you looked at your income and outgoings?
Why do you earn less some months?

Eg
He earns 100 takehome
50 goes to his and dads investment company
50 goes to househild

She earns 50
0 goes investments
50 goes to household

100 to Household
50 to his and dads investment

If Dad has invested zero but has 50% of the ordinary shares he owns half of any investment by default
ie on closing down the company
25 is payable to dad
25 is payable to DH

Why is everyone saying the OP a gold digger? It doesn’t come across that way at all to me. Especially when every other thread on here is women being left by their DHs with no finances of their own and everyone happily saying why did you put yourself in this position blah blah blah.

when I was first informed about this, I did say to DH that I want to get some independent advice on this as it doesn’t feel right and he was really angry I said that. I’ve let it go since then but I don’t feel great and it keeps coming up. Especially when I’m working so hard and spending so much of my income and not able to save a lot / at all and then DH stressing out about not being able to do this or that or go on holiday. And at the same time he has lots of his own savings and is paying half of the salary into this company. I just feel like if he walked away tomorrow then what would I be left with ? The house is 50 percent mine anyway.

Does he have a regular PAYE job? If so, he pays 50% of his net salary into an investment company? Or is there some tax advantages to what he is doing?

What does the investment company invest in? How is his Father involved?

He’s shouldered the entire financial burden by the sounds of it so he could of probably paid for child care, cleaners , domestic help other things if you would of paid your half with what he would of saved

he earns twice as much but pays for practically everything so theoretically you should have more free money than him

my DH pays for all bills/ mortgage/ cars and one child’s education and I pay for our other child’s education , as well as quite a bit of our household expenses. Food shopping etc.

I don’t understand how your DH can be paying the family mortgage, utilities, cars and one private school bill on only twice your income but yours is so tight with 1 private school bill and food.
Who pays for holidays, furniture, repairs etc?

Surely he’s taking back a portion of the investment as income which is funding the family? Otherwise I don’t see how he’s funding what he is out of the money you say he’s left with?

Holidays, furniture etc we share.

do you think I’m making things up ? I’m not.

Children get sick and need minding when not in school /paid child care and teaching to be come nice human adults.

She did the growing the baby bit and created a career gap. He is not doing or paying for the post growing baby stage so the OP is picking up his 50% of that job for free.

I think you need to get complete transparency from your DH and FiL about the way those finances work, for what purpose and to whose benefit. Until you’re quite clear about how it works, you should wait. What if there are some aspects of the financial transactions that are designed to minimise tax, or something you know nothing about. As a shareholder, if there were problems, you could be liable too.

I think you have some resentment towards your DH and in the back of your mind, considering what would happen in the event of a split.

Holidays etc do you share equally or in proportion to what you earn?

Does he have to put 50% of his income into the investment company every month?

Surely he’s not putting 50% of his income into long term investments and never seeing it though? He must be drawing an income from the investments, it doesn’t seem possible for him to pay for what he does pay for on only double your income.
How do you go 50/50 on repairs, holidays, furniture if you run out of money??

Non of it really adds up, it sounds like you and your DH need to sit down and restructure your finances better.

I’m not sure I understand why the FIL is named as a shareholder if he has no involvement, unless it’s some kind of tax dodge? In any case, I don’t think you’re gold digging to want to be included on it just in case the worst should happen and you split up. You see enough threads on MN to know some women are blindsided when their marriages fail and really struggle to get the financial settlement they deserve.

Go to a solicitor with your DH to do some Estate Planning and make wills.

If he dies tomorrow, what will you be entitled to? What would he be entitled to? Do you have life insurance? Could you live on the money that you have if it takes a year for the life insurance to pay up? Still pay for school fees etc?

I’ve a feeling this “investment company” money is a tax loophole; possibly instead of a pension? Which means if he dies, you may not be entitled to it the way you would be to a pension (if he’d listed you as the beneficiary).

But what you really need to know is do you have access to it? And how much is it?

You are married, what is his is yours etc, UNLESS he’s tied that money up in a company in his dad’s name.

My DH died suddenly in his forties; he was the main earner and we lost his salary overnight. But, because I knew where all the money was and had complete access to it (& it was all left to me) in essence our financial day-to-day did not change. I could still pay the mortgage and bills and school fees, I could afford the funeral and to take time off work myself etc.

This is what you need to be prepared for, and what all couples should be prepared for. I’ve, sadly, met many young widows since then who have not only lost their life partner and the father of their children, but also their home because they didn’t have a full understanding of the financial situation (nor wills &/or life insurance).

A good marriage has transparency of the financials, not just because of the potential for divorce but also sadly, death.

This is important but perhaps you would like to share this money now?