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Original poster

Should I ask to be a shareholder too? DH company etc

203 replies

isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:18

Ok I’m going to try to explain this without completely outing myself here, so bear with me.

My DH has a good income, of which 50 percent flows into an investment company be co-owns with his father. This is for apparent company benefits.

I have work full time, but make around half of what my DH makes. The amount flowing into the investment company is equivalent to my entire salary.

my DH pays for all bills/ mortgage/ cars and one child’s education and I pay for our other child’s education , as well as quite a bit of our household expenses. Food shopping etc.

in any case, I am the default parent, I leave work early / work from home when kids are sick and I take care of our household. DH works long hours and I manage my job around his hours.

question is - is it fair for me not to be part of this investment company too ? Seeing as he’s putting so much money into it ( very little wise )? If he decides to leave me one day, I won’t have many rights over the investments that have grown over the years, seeing as his father is part of the company and I’m not. So my DH shares would be diluted.

I make a lot of sacrifices too, to enable my DH to work the hours he needs to, to enable him to even earn the money to put into the investments.

wouldn’t it be fairer if I was also a shareholder ?

thanks for your help!

OP posts:
Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 08:41

isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:32

surely I need to make sure I’m protected here ? I don’t understand how this is gold digging at all. If it wasn’t for me, he would not be able to even earn this money !

How do you help him earn the money.?

Chungai · 10/04/2025 08:42

isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:40

@Chungaiyeah I have a 50 / 50 salary. When I’m making comms it’s 50 percent his salary, when I don’t, his salary is 4 times as much. I’ve struggled the last few years to get up to my true earning potential unfortunately. I used to make a lot more, which is why we have bought everything we own 50-50. I’m working so hard to get back up to my usual earnings, but it’s tough. I work really hard, at home for my family and at work.

Have you explained this to your DH and asked to restructure your joint finances?

Would you be able to earn more if you would bearing the load of the household, kids pick ups etc?

Original poster
isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:42

Gremlinsateit · 10/04/2025 08:40

Ignore the posters saying you’re gold digging. If half of the investment fund is owned by FIL and FIL does not contribute to it, then H is giving away 1/6th of the total household income to FIL for no benefit to the household.

That’s what I think is unfair.

if it was a company which was based on a gift from FIL or something, I wouldn’t think about it.

but it’s the fact it’s half the income and actually DH gets stressed about it because he can’t save more of the half that he spends on household expenses etc.

so he’s always stressing about money.

OP posts:
Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 08:42

Valeriekat · 10/04/2025 08:34

They are married! She and her children are being deprived of money.

Show quote history

Where are they deprived of money. She will be entitled to at least half if they split

Chungai · 10/04/2025 08:43

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 10/04/2025 08:41

So essentially he gives ~25% of earnings to his father? That is unusual if he doesn’t contribute and I’d guess this is either
a) to fund his parents retirement or similar if they haven’t made adequate provision
or
b) so that if you split up, that proportion is protected and not part of the marital pot

Yeah I'm thinking the second one.

Either way it's not ok.

OP has been a true partner on her end of the bargain and is now carrying the mental and practical load of a household.

DH can't just unilaterally decide to give away 25% of his income.

Original poster
isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:43

I don’t think FIL takes money out or anything like that btw. He’s just on there for financial benefits of the company apparently.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 08:43

@Gogogo12345 because I assume she does most of the parenting which has given him the hours to build up his business

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 10/04/2025 08:44

If you had phrased your question differently then people would be telling you to be wary and not to be a mug.

MN is very interesting and people will pile on depending on if they and the first few posters view you as a victim.

Of course you should be protecting yourself OP. This is exactly what your DH is doing by funneling money into a company co owned by his parent (whom I'm assuming he will inherit from) for no obvious reasons.

He either contributes to an individual savings account for you that you have legally drawn up as "just yours" in the event of a divorce, or he makes you a silent shareholder. You have no power over the company but they would have to buy you out in the event of a divorce

It isn't gold digging to be sacrificing your career to raise his children whilst he stashes half his money away.

If you had posted this after he cheated and you shared you had no idea about the financial of this company, everyone would call you a fool.

Missgemini · 10/04/2025 08:44

Ridiculous responses.

Those saying his 50% is a marital asset. Couldn’t he just sign his shares over to his dad in the event of a divorce? Then OP gets zilch.

You need to raise this with your husband. Then decide if you need legal advice. Too many women have been burnt!

Chungai · 10/04/2025 08:44

Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 08:42

Where are they deprived of money. She will be entitled to at least half if they split

Show quote history

Not of the money now owned by her FIL...

AnSolas · 10/04/2025 08:44

You pay 50% of the paid child care and do 100% of the unpaid childcare and some bills
He pays 50% of the paid child care and none of the unpaid child care and a larger amount of the bills

How much money have you got for personal expenditure and for savings and do you have a pension?

He is paying over 50% of his take home into the company.

What is the current share holding value of issued to him and to his dad?
Is his Dad investing money into the company too?
So how is the money transferred into the company?
Is he buying shares or loaning money (It would be pointless from a legal point if he is buying shares each month as if the company went bust he looses 100% of the shareholding value invested) ?

stealthninjamum · 10/04/2025 08:45

I think people are misunderstanding, so your dh is paying 100% of the money yet his father owns 50% so if you split up you would be entitled to 25% even though it’s all family money. I would try to unpick what the actual benefits are as I can’t think of any - but then I’m not an accountant.

how well off is his father? I’d be tempted to ask if ownership of the company would be taxed if his dad died? And as the company grows, if his dad needs to sell his share, will there be capital gains tax?

Original poster
isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:45

@ChungaiI have and he just says he pays for a lot and doesn’t have much money left either ( aside from all the money going to his company )… whereas I have zero savings and I’m actually paying off my credit card.

OP posts:
sunshinesunday · 10/04/2025 08:45

HuffleMyPuffle · 10/04/2025 08:29

Your children are what you have to show for it

But you're only focusing on the money

I disagree with this comment completely - it’s a well established principle that legally acquired assets during a marriage are then normally split in the case of divorce. It’s not wrong for either party to focus on money as money is literally security.

Chungai · 10/04/2025 08:45

isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:43

I don’t think FIL takes money out or anything like that btw. He’s just on there for financial benefits of the company apparently.

I'm not an expert but how on earth does him being there have financial benefits, to the tune of him owning 50%?!

Original poster
isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:46

stealthninjamum · 10/04/2025 08:45

I think people are misunderstanding, so your dh is paying 100% of the money yet his father owns 50% so if you split up you would be entitled to 25% even though it’s all family money. I would try to unpick what the actual benefits are as I can’t think of any - but then I’m not an accountant.

how well off is his father? I’d be tempted to ask if ownership of the company would be taxed if his dad died? And as the company grows, if his dad needs to sell his share, will there be capital gains tax?

His father is well off indeed. He doesn’t ’ need it ‘ it’s for the company benefits. Not for FIL’s benefit.

OP posts:
saveforthat · 10/04/2025 08:46

Have you asked your DH exactly what benefits FIL brings to the company?

crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 08:46

@Gogogo12345 they are not benefitting currently from the money being put in the investment company that becomes FIL’s share.

Would you be happy if your partner was giving 25% of his income to his dad?

TasWair · 10/04/2025 08:46

HuffleMyPuffle · 10/04/2025 08:29

Your children are what you have to show for it

But you're only focusing on the money

Sexist nonsense. Why are the children not enough for the husband?

Gremlinsateit · 10/04/2025 08:47

isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:43

I don’t think FIL takes money out or anything like that btw. He’s just on there for financial benefits of the company apparently.

At a guess, your H is income splitting the investment income with FIL to reduce taxes. You are married, so if he is income splitting, it should be with you and your children. You do need to find out who is the beneficial owner of the shares in the company. If H won’t explain to you or gets angry, you’ll still know more than you know now :(

Chungai · 10/04/2025 08:47

isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:45

@ChungaiI have and he just says he pays for a lot and doesn’t have much money left either ( aside from all the money going to his company )… whereas I have zero savings and I’m actually paying off my credit card.

Then you need to tell him that less needs to be put into the company. It's crazy that you are paying off a credit card when a third of your household income at least is being put away.

There is nothing stopping him like another poster said from giving his shares to his dad.

Do you trust his dad? It could be that your DH is being financially abused.

Original poster
isthisfairtodo · 10/04/2025 08:48

I do trust his dad, I do. I do believe it’s for some sort of benefit that he’s there, but I still feel vulnerable and sad about it.

OP posts:
Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 08:49

crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 08:43

@Gogogo12345 because I assume she does most of the parenting which has given him the hours to build up his business

1 If he wasn't with her then he wouldn't have had the kids so be free anyway

2 He can afford a nanny

3 He could walk away pay his 15% cms and not have to deal with the kids at all

Pick your option

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 10/04/2025 08:50

@isthisfairtodo

Why did you miss out the key parts of your issue in your OP?

If it is true that your DH puts in all the money essentially giving your FIL 25% of his earnings then yes you need to protect yourself.

What happens if your FIL dies?

Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 08:50

crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 08:46

@Gogogo12345 they are not benefitting currently from the money being put in the investment company that becomes FIL’s share.

Would you be happy if your partner was giving 25% of his income to his dad?

It doesn't say anything about the husband actually taking out any money from the investment company either

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