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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen Do From Hell... Is It Worth Trying to Fix?

418 replies

ohwhatisinaname · 09/04/2025 23:12

I just spent 3 days in the most bizarre, uncomfortable hen do I've ever experienced, to the point I moved my flight up by a day to get home early. I can't tell if I was in the wrong for leaving, or if the bride was wrong for being generally awful to everyone .

For context, 9 of us on the trip, age 35-40, half were exhausted mums, one pregnant with twins. It was in a foreign country, bride wanted an all inclusive resort, there were 3 last minute no shows, one was the bride's sister/MOH who had recently had a miscarriage, though I now wonder if she also didn't want to deal with the bride's attitude as she has likely been getting the worst of it at home. One of the people who bailed was a close friend of mine, who was in a bad work situation, I ended up covering her cost so that the others didn't have to. So all in, this 3 day trip cost me at least 2.5 grand just on the flights and hotel.

Issues:

  • The bride picked the hotel, but hated it, kept complaining about it, the food, the drinks, the setup, the beach wasn't clean enough, there weren't enough deck chairs etc.
  • There were too many rooms and not enough people due to the last minute changes. Several of us were alone, so once ready would go see others and have a drink or just catch up while waiting. It was all on a group message "come to my room if ready and we can go from there to dinner" type things, but the bride didn't like people comingling without her. Once a group was 5 minutes late to an organised pre-cocktail dinner and we were all called out for our behaviour and lack of consideration. The dinner didn't start for at least another 45 minutes, so there was no harm. Towards the end of the trip we were told to stop using the group message as the bride was getting upset that people were talking re. plans (when to meet, where to meet etc) and she felt excluded.
  • The bride repeatedly had arguments, of her own instigation with almost (if not all) of the hen do attendees. She picked at everyone for all of their wrongs. She kept saying that people had come for a holiday, not for her hen do. That people had their own agendas, that they weren't paying her enough attention, they weren't good friends etc. It was a weird verbal lashing each day of wrongs. It was like she wanted people to plead for her friendship, when we were all there to celebrate her.
  • There was a boat ride that three of the group including myself did not go on due to a mix of sea sickness/pumping for baby at home. It was extremely windy, and I for one am violently seasick. The bride said that this was ok, then changed her tune later, and decided that I was persona non grata for not going. I did still pay for the trip without question, just didn't get on the boat.
  • The boat ride party met a stag do out there and made friends (mostly married guys not looking for anything, though one or two moderate creepy ones), I think the bride didn't like that some of the guys were into some of her friends, but not her (also not me, but I think she took it personally due to some weight gain insecurities).
  • The guys had a table at a club later which some girls wanted to go to as the bride wanted to go out and she hadn't planned anything properly. I hate clubs, but the bride back in the day was on all of the drugs and into the rave scene, so some of the girls are still into that vibe (to be clear, this is not me at all, though to each their own). The bride had an argument with her oldest BFF at the club, went to the toilet with me and then fled into the night, drunk, by herself at 2am in a foreign country. As soon as we realised she wasn't in the toilet we tried to find her, one of the girls did get her and walked her home. I offered to leave, and have it in writing in messages, but I was instructed to stay with one girl who didn't bring out a phone and another who was drunk and high, basically as a responsible adult. The next day I went to breakfast and was given the silent treatment from the bride for not coming home immediately with her, when she explicitly told me not to.
  • I then felt horrible about the atmosphere, and having to spend a full day at a beach club proclaiming how sorry I was or fighting my corner on not doing anything wrong. My anxiety got out of control, I text the bride that I was going to head home and that I loved her and hoped that she had the best trip, but I didn't want a blow up and to ruin our friendship. She read it and never responded, so I left.

The things that I/the others could be at fault for:

  • People dropping out last minute (3 including the MOH)
  • There was no bride type activities. No bring lingerie or a quirky gift for fun, no bride games, no sash, no drinking games. I think that she was really hurt by this. I am not a bridesmaid though, so I don't think this was my place to plan. But this could bring merit to her "people on holiday not my hen do" comment.
  • No one posted any photos of the weekend, though I suspect now it might be at the request of the bride as she has gained a little weight and isn't happy about it.
  • We didn't all time our breakfasts, lunches etc to be together at the hotel, though the hotel was ridgid that only 6 people could sit at a table so we would be separated anyway.
  • The hotel messed up the dinner reservations on the first day/the party didn't check, so we went to a crappy place in the all inclusive and couldn't start till 9pm. We had all been up for flights since 4 so we just went to bed right after instead of staying out.
  • Some of the brides friends definitely arranged the second group hangout with the stag do party. She didn't like this at all.
  • I'm definitely at fault for leaving early. It's been 3 days and i've not heard a peep from the bride.

The question is, is there any coming back from this? Should I even try? We have a 15 year friendship, which isn't super close now as we live far apart. Should I just bite the bullet and cancel my flights to/from the wedding? Thats about another 2 grand and its 2 days before a trip I have half way across the world. She is stubborn. She in the past has been a very good friend to me when we lived in the same place. I am hoping that she has gone bridezilla and this is temporary, but what if it's not? I worry if I miss the wedding then our friendship is done, or maybe in a month i'll just not get the official invite and it will be done for me, but I have flights already, young children and it would be good to know one way or another.

OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 10/04/2025 00:12

I think anyone who selfishly insists on a multi night hen or stag do a plane ride away is always going to be difficult. You should definitely NOT have covered costs for no shows yourself. These 'do's are just dumb, especially when you feel you have to do that.
I would not put anymore £££ into the 'event' . Cut your losses, send a lovely handwritten note with your RSVP and sit back and wait to see if she really is a friend 🤷‍♀️

Divebar2021 · 10/04/2025 00:23

Are you flying to the US for the wedding from the U.K.? Cancel the flights and tell her you were sadly detained in an immigration centre and then deported. Come up with a good sad face 😞 ( you sound considerably nicer than me OP and you clearly don’t deserve this BS)

Original poster
ohwhatisinaname · 10/04/2025 00:24

SlightlyJaded · 10/04/2025 00:08

Completely ridiculous Hen Do behaviour. You were not unreasonable

IF you decide to go to the wedding, make it part of a bigger/other trip. I assume it's in NYC, so in your shoes I would 100 percent save a bit more and make a holiday of it, with her wedding just being a day in your Itinerary. I'd feel far less resentful about the spend this way, and it means that you kind of get to keep your options open (don't tell her you're making a holiday out of it) - as in, you will be in the wedding city having a holiday and can go for a few hours and then duck out and enjoy the rest of your trip.

I wish... it's in one of the suburbs in a neighbouring state so not NYC. I don't know anyone that lives there/close, and I'm flying half way accross the world two days after the wedding with my family to see a close family member who lives very far away, and I haven't seen them since they moved there years ago. I swear i'm not usually this all over the world travel gremlin, the trips are all just unfortunately at the same time.

Adding that the bride and some of the girls at the hen do are at a different wedding this coming weekend, and my mole on the inside is going to report back on what she says, if anything, and if it's worth even trying to reconcile. So far she seems to be doubling down on the woe is me and nobody loves me vibe as I think people are mostly just being nice and enabling her given that her wedding is coming up.

OP posts:
JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 10/04/2025 00:24

Fuck that OP. Seriously. You'd be crackers to go to the wedding after already wasting 2.5k (!!!) on a 3 day shitty break being treated like shit. She sounds AWFUL. I'd have no hesitation about deleting myself from the group chat, declining the invite and never having anything to do with her again. Sounds like she's a good distance from you anyway, so no difficulty there. Please, just don't go. I'd put good money on it being utterly miserable for you. I was a doormat friend for years who would appease people to my own detriment. It took me years to finally stand up for myself and I'm so happy I did. I now put myself first instead of making myself miserable to keep "friends" happy with me.

Original poster
ohwhatisinaname · 10/04/2025 00:25

Divebar2021 · 10/04/2025 00:23

Are you flying to the US for the wedding from the U.K.? Cancel the flights and tell her you were sadly detained in an immigration centre and then deported. Come up with a good sad face 😞 ( you sound considerably nicer than me OP and you clearly don’t deserve this BS)

Pahahaha I absolutely should do this. "she made anti Trump comments so was turned around at the border".

OP posts:
treesandsun · 10/04/2025 00:28

I would copy and paste what you have written on here - minus the comments about weight insecurity/sister on the whatapp and leave the group. She is not someone who I would want as a friend or to pay that sort of money to spend time with.

DoYouReally · 10/04/2025 00:30

This woman is over 35? I wouldn't spend another penny on someone with such a bad attitude.

Tbrh · 10/04/2025 00:32

In this case I almost feel sorry for the bride, it sounds like people reluctantly went and it showed so I'm not surprised she was disappointed and started acting up. People should have just said right in the beginning the didn't want to attend.

user1492757084 · 10/04/2025 00:41

I think I'd just chalk this up to experience. Hopefully it is a fleeting Bridezilla phase.
You will all laugh about the terrible hens do.
I can't understand why most of you did not stop the fiasco before it started - given the travel and the expense for the wedding itselt. You were all to blame for flaming the fire .

I would genuinely ask if she needs any help snapping out of her Bridezilla moment because you like her better when she is being herself.

latetothefisting · 10/04/2025 00:46

I agree with the first poster, a lot of the issues were on the MOH - firstly for not making sure everyone paid up in full BEFORE booking anything - this happens so often on here and I'm amazed that people still haven't worked out that deposits aren't enough, otherwise the moment people start dropping out the overall costs go up for everyone. It was very kind of you to pay for your other friend but you shouldn't have ever had to be in that position.

Then same with things like banners/games organisation - MOH not attending due to a miscarriage (whether or not there was also added aggro from bridezilla on top) is understandable, but that stuff should have already all been organised so she could have just handed it off to the other bridesmaids.

So to a tiny, tiny, extent, I can understand why the bride was a bit upset about some issues, not helped by the social pressure around hens/weddings to be absolutely perfect (as you mention she's in the US my understanding is they are even more insane than over here). But the bride completely overreacted, made more problems out of things that weren't issues, took her anger out on the wrong people, and made things much worse by not just making the best of it. Out of everyone it sounds like you were one of the invitees who behaved best so absolutely do not think you did anything wrong. There is no way I would go to the wedding.

There's the saying about friends being for a reason, a season or a lifetime - the fact that (unless she seriously apologises) you may have grown apart now doesn't negate the good relationship that you had before, but equally that doesn't mean you have to owe her friendship for the rest of your life. It's okay to move on.

Elfie111 · 10/04/2025 00:50

ohwhatisinaname · 09/04/2025 23:12

I just spent 3 days in the most bizarre, uncomfortable hen do I've ever experienced, to the point I moved my flight up by a day to get home early. I can't tell if I was in the wrong for leaving, or if the bride was wrong for being generally awful to everyone .

For context, 9 of us on the trip, age 35-40, half were exhausted mums, one pregnant with twins. It was in a foreign country, bride wanted an all inclusive resort, there were 3 last minute no shows, one was the bride's sister/MOH who had recently had a miscarriage, though I now wonder if she also didn't want to deal with the bride's attitude as she has likely been getting the worst of it at home. One of the people who bailed was a close friend of mine, who was in a bad work situation, I ended up covering her cost so that the others didn't have to. So all in, this 3 day trip cost me at least 2.5 grand just on the flights and hotel.

Issues:

  • The bride picked the hotel, but hated it, kept complaining about it, the food, the drinks, the setup, the beach wasn't clean enough, there weren't enough deck chairs etc.
  • There were too many rooms and not enough people due to the last minute changes. Several of us were alone, so once ready would go see others and have a drink or just catch up while waiting. It was all on a group message "come to my room if ready and we can go from there to dinner" type things, but the bride didn't like people comingling without her. Once a group was 5 minutes late to an organised pre-cocktail dinner and we were all called out for our behaviour and lack of consideration. The dinner didn't start for at least another 45 minutes, so there was no harm. Towards the end of the trip we were told to stop using the group message as the bride was getting upset that people were talking re. plans (when to meet, where to meet etc) and she felt excluded.
  • The bride repeatedly had arguments, of her own instigation with almost (if not all) of the hen do attendees. She picked at everyone for all of their wrongs. She kept saying that people had come for a holiday, not for her hen do. That people had their own agendas, that they weren't paying her enough attention, they weren't good friends etc. It was a weird verbal lashing each day of wrongs. It was like she wanted people to plead for her friendship, when we were all there to celebrate her.
  • There was a boat ride that three of the group including myself did not go on due to a mix of sea sickness/pumping for baby at home. It was extremely windy, and I for one am violently seasick. The bride said that this was ok, then changed her tune later, and decided that I was persona non grata for not going. I did still pay for the trip without question, just didn't get on the boat.
  • The boat ride party met a stag do out there and made friends (mostly married guys not looking for anything, though one or two moderate creepy ones), I think the bride didn't like that some of the guys were into some of her friends, but not her (also not me, but I think she took it personally due to some weight gain insecurities).
  • The guys had a table at a club later which some girls wanted to go to as the bride wanted to go out and she hadn't planned anything properly. I hate clubs, but the bride back in the day was on all of the drugs and into the rave scene, so some of the girls are still into that vibe (to be clear, this is not me at all, though to each their own). The bride had an argument with her oldest BFF at the club, went to the toilet with me and then fled into the night, drunk, by herself at 2am in a foreign country. As soon as we realised she wasn't in the toilet we tried to find her, one of the girls did get her and walked her home. I offered to leave, and have it in writing in messages, but I was instructed to stay with one girl who didn't bring out a phone and another who was drunk and high, basically as a responsible adult. The next day I went to breakfast and was given the silent treatment from the bride for not coming home immediately with her, when she explicitly told me not to.
  • I then felt horrible about the atmosphere, and having to spend a full day at a beach club proclaiming how sorry I was or fighting my corner on not doing anything wrong. My anxiety got out of control, I text the bride that I was going to head home and that I loved her and hoped that she had the best trip, but I didn't want a blow up and to ruin our friendship. She read it and never responded, so I left.

The things that I/the others could be at fault for:

  • People dropping out last minute (3 including the MOH)
  • There was no bride type activities. No bring lingerie or a quirky gift for fun, no bride games, no sash, no drinking games. I think that she was really hurt by this. I am not a bridesmaid though, so I don't think this was my place to plan. But this could bring merit to her "people on holiday not my hen do" comment.
  • No one posted any photos of the weekend, though I suspect now it might be at the request of the bride as she has gained a little weight and isn't happy about it.
  • We didn't all time our breakfasts, lunches etc to be together at the hotel, though the hotel was ridgid that only 6 people could sit at a table so we would be separated anyway.
  • The hotel messed up the dinner reservations on the first day/the party didn't check, so we went to a crappy place in the all inclusive and couldn't start till 9pm. We had all been up for flights since 4 so we just went to bed right after instead of staying out.
  • Some of the brides friends definitely arranged the second group hangout with the stag do party. She didn't like this at all.
  • I'm definitely at fault for leaving early. It's been 3 days and i've not heard a peep from the bride.

The question is, is there any coming back from this? Should I even try? We have a 15 year friendship, which isn't super close now as we live far apart. Should I just bite the bullet and cancel my flights to/from the wedding? Thats about another 2 grand and its 2 days before a trip I have half way across the world. She is stubborn. She in the past has been a very good friend to me when we lived in the same place. I am hoping that she has gone bridezilla and this is temporary, but what if it's not? I worry if I miss the wedding then our friendship is done, or maybe in a month i'll just not get the official invite and it will be done for me, but I have flights already, young children and it would be good to know one way or another.

Honestly how dare she. Choose yourself please.

I has a similar thing 10 years ago. I dropped out as bridesmaid after the bride was absolutely vile to me - one other bridesmaid also dropped out.

never looked back. Toxic nasty people don’t deserve your energy. You have children too. Save your beautiful energy for them.

You sound lovely - the bride sounds like a moron.

Ellmau · 10/04/2025 00:54

She sounds dreadful. Why do you actually want to save this friendship?

madamovaries · 10/04/2025 01:00

I had a not insanely dissimilar experience with a former friend many years ago, except I was a bridesmaid and had organised the hen.

She behaved badly in the run up to the hen and then awfully at the party itself, while her friends from home (I was one of only a few uni friends) were rude and nasty. She called me up afterwards to sack me as a bridesmaid and I felt very relieved. I didn't end up going to the wedding (my choice) and am not sad that we are no longer friends. Tbf there were issues in her behaviour before all this so I'd say only try to save this friendship if you think it's a moment of bridezilla madness and she'll go back to being sane afterwards

StrangerThings1 · 10/04/2025 01:00

ohwhatisinaname · 09/04/2025 23:12

I just spent 3 days in the most bizarre, uncomfortable hen do I've ever experienced, to the point I moved my flight up by a day to get home early. I can't tell if I was in the wrong for leaving, or if the bride was wrong for being generally awful to everyone .

For context, 9 of us on the trip, age 35-40, half were exhausted mums, one pregnant with twins. It was in a foreign country, bride wanted an all inclusive resort, there were 3 last minute no shows, one was the bride's sister/MOH who had recently had a miscarriage, though I now wonder if she also didn't want to deal with the bride's attitude as she has likely been getting the worst of it at home. One of the people who bailed was a close friend of mine, who was in a bad work situation, I ended up covering her cost so that the others didn't have to. So all in, this 3 day trip cost me at least 2.5 grand just on the flights and hotel.

Issues:

  • The bride picked the hotel, but hated it, kept complaining about it, the food, the drinks, the setup, the beach wasn't clean enough, there weren't enough deck chairs etc.
  • There were too many rooms and not enough people due to the last minute changes. Several of us were alone, so once ready would go see others and have a drink or just catch up while waiting. It was all on a group message "come to my room if ready and we can go from there to dinner" type things, but the bride didn't like people comingling without her. Once a group was 5 minutes late to an organised pre-cocktail dinner and we were all called out for our behaviour and lack of consideration. The dinner didn't start for at least another 45 minutes, so there was no harm. Towards the end of the trip we were told to stop using the group message as the bride was getting upset that people were talking re. plans (when to meet, where to meet etc) and she felt excluded.
  • The bride repeatedly had arguments, of her own instigation with almost (if not all) of the hen do attendees. She picked at everyone for all of their wrongs. She kept saying that people had come for a holiday, not for her hen do. That people had their own agendas, that they weren't paying her enough attention, they weren't good friends etc. It was a weird verbal lashing each day of wrongs. It was like she wanted people to plead for her friendship, when we were all there to celebrate her.
  • There was a boat ride that three of the group including myself did not go on due to a mix of sea sickness/pumping for baby at home. It was extremely windy, and I for one am violently seasick. The bride said that this was ok, then changed her tune later, and decided that I was persona non grata for not going. I did still pay for the trip without question, just didn't get on the boat.
  • The boat ride party met a stag do out there and made friends (mostly married guys not looking for anything, though one or two moderate creepy ones), I think the bride didn't like that some of the guys were into some of her friends, but not her (also not me, but I think she took it personally due to some weight gain insecurities).
  • The guys had a table at a club later which some girls wanted to go to as the bride wanted to go out and she hadn't planned anything properly. I hate clubs, but the bride back in the day was on all of the drugs and into the rave scene, so some of the girls are still into that vibe (to be clear, this is not me at all, though to each their own). The bride had an argument with her oldest BFF at the club, went to the toilet with me and then fled into the night, drunk, by herself at 2am in a foreign country. As soon as we realised she wasn't in the toilet we tried to find her, one of the girls did get her and walked her home. I offered to leave, and have it in writing in messages, but I was instructed to stay with one girl who didn't bring out a phone and another who was drunk and high, basically as a responsible adult. The next day I went to breakfast and was given the silent treatment from the bride for not coming home immediately with her, when she explicitly told me not to.
  • I then felt horrible about the atmosphere, and having to spend a full day at a beach club proclaiming how sorry I was or fighting my corner on not doing anything wrong. My anxiety got out of control, I text the bride that I was going to head home and that I loved her and hoped that she had the best trip, but I didn't want a blow up and to ruin our friendship. She read it and never responded, so I left.

The things that I/the others could be at fault for:

  • People dropping out last minute (3 including the MOH)
  • There was no bride type activities. No bring lingerie or a quirky gift for fun, no bride games, no sash, no drinking games. I think that she was really hurt by this. I am not a bridesmaid though, so I don't think this was my place to plan. But this could bring merit to her "people on holiday not my hen do" comment.
  • No one posted any photos of the weekend, though I suspect now it might be at the request of the bride as she has gained a little weight and isn't happy about it.
  • We didn't all time our breakfasts, lunches etc to be together at the hotel, though the hotel was ridgid that only 6 people could sit at a table so we would be separated anyway.
  • The hotel messed up the dinner reservations on the first day/the party didn't check, so we went to a crappy place in the all inclusive and couldn't start till 9pm. We had all been up for flights since 4 so we just went to bed right after instead of staying out.
  • Some of the brides friends definitely arranged the second group hangout with the stag do party. She didn't like this at all.
  • I'm definitely at fault for leaving early. It's been 3 days and i've not heard a peep from the bride.

The question is, is there any coming back from this? Should I even try? We have a 15 year friendship, which isn't super close now as we live far apart. Should I just bite the bullet and cancel my flights to/from the wedding? Thats about another 2 grand and its 2 days before a trip I have half way across the world. She is stubborn. She in the past has been a very good friend to me when we lived in the same place. I am hoping that she has gone bridezilla and this is temporary, but what if it's not? I worry if I miss the wedding then our friendship is done, or maybe in a month i'll just not get the official invite and it will be done for me, but I have flights already, young children and it would be good to know one way or another.

I wouldn’t have gone on the hen ( 2.5k!) and definitely would have no interest in going to the wedding
Let the friendship peter out ( or come to an abrupt end) it probably would have anyway because of location
Life is too short to deal with this kind of childish nonsense

elozabet · 10/04/2025 01:01

How much?!! What is wrong with people expecting people to spend £1000’s on celebrating somebody else’s wedding. Just insane and incredibly selfish.

and then they still moan. How are you friends with this person?

Original poster
ohwhatisinaname · 10/04/2025 01:02

@latetothefisting your last part really resonates with me: "There's the saying about friends being for a reason, a season or a lifetime - the fact that (unless she seriously apologises) you may have grown apart now doesn't negate the good relationship that you had before, but equally that doesn't mean you have to owe her friendship for the rest of your life. It's okay to move on."

We've had great times together, shes usually a wonderful, happy, uplifting down to do anything person, but maybe we drift apart now and see where we end up. She seems deeply unhappy in herself right now which I think is what is worrying me. She is either going through complete wedding hell (big big wedding, a lot of personalities, and a seriously ill close family member), or she has turned into a complete bridezilla b*tch and isn't who I thought she was. I don't know if i'm willing to get down on bended knee and apologise, which I think is the only way this even continues with a friendship. I also don't want to lose more money, and time away from my own family for what could be another trainwreck. I guess i'll hear back from our mutual friend in a few days to see what the tone is...

OP posts:
Original poster
ohwhatisinaname · 10/04/2025 01:06

And yes, I am a guilty as charged people pleaser. I can't stand confrontation. This whole thing is a thing of nightmares for me.

OP posts:
Motherearthisbusy · 10/04/2025 01:08

This sounds like a legacy friendship.
Don’t go to the wedding. Trust me you won’t be friends in a years time either way. Save your money.

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/04/2025 01:15

I think this hen do was bound to fail from the start. You were away 3 days and left early, how long was it meanttobe-? Even if you'd done some bridal stuff, the hen party vibe would wear thin after a couple of days and people start to view it as a regular holiday. I assume the MoH was responsible for sashes, drinking games etc but other bridesmaids could have taken over. The bridezilla attitude will just have pushed people further away. I wouldn't assume yet that you're not expected at the wedding - sounds like other attendees have also offended and she could run out of guests at this rate.

coxesorangepippin · 10/04/2025 01:31

I've no idea why people go on these things

Theworldisinyourhands · 10/04/2025 01:44

YABU to travel abroad and spend 2.5k on a hendo. We take an all inclusive holiday to a beautiful area of Greece with our child for less than this...

DrFoxtrot · 10/04/2025 02:11

The group messaging - you mentioned the bride felt excluded, was she not involved in the group messages?

Weepixie · 10/04/2025 02:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Willandra · 10/04/2025 02:56

latetothefisting · 10/04/2025 00:46

I agree with the first poster, a lot of the issues were on the MOH - firstly for not making sure everyone paid up in full BEFORE booking anything - this happens so often on here and I'm amazed that people still haven't worked out that deposits aren't enough, otherwise the moment people start dropping out the overall costs go up for everyone. It was very kind of you to pay for your other friend but you shouldn't have ever had to be in that position.

Then same with things like banners/games organisation - MOH not attending due to a miscarriage (whether or not there was also added aggro from bridezilla on top) is understandable, but that stuff should have already all been organised so she could have just handed it off to the other bridesmaids.

So to a tiny, tiny, extent, I can understand why the bride was a bit upset about some issues, not helped by the social pressure around hens/weddings to be absolutely perfect (as you mention she's in the US my understanding is they are even more insane than over here). But the bride completely overreacted, made more problems out of things that weren't issues, took her anger out on the wrong people, and made things much worse by not just making the best of it. Out of everyone it sounds like you were one of the invitees who behaved best so absolutely do not think you did anything wrong. There is no way I would go to the wedding.

There's the saying about friends being for a reason, a season or a lifetime - the fact that (unless she seriously apologises) you may have grown apart now doesn't negate the good relationship that you had before, but equally that doesn't mean you have to owe her friendship for the rest of your life. It's okay to move on.

This is perfect, latetothefisting.

I will never understand why people think it's ok to demand their friends and relatives spend their time and money on extended, expensive, embarrassing celebrations of Me! Me! Meeeee!

Who cares if she is a bride? It's not an achievement, it doesn't merit a special expensive holiday where she is worshiped by other women. And if they don't worship her properly she punishes them with bitchy comments and the silent treatment? Piss off.

OP, her wedding will undoubtably be an over the top event so boring it will be rage inducing, and no matter how the guests behave or what they gifts they give her, it will not be good enough.

Save yourself money, time and further stress and cancel.

Her poor sister.

Seymourscat · 10/04/2025 02:56

That’s insane. Who in their right mind who pay all that money for a hen do??? Bride sounds awful too.

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