9 yr old DS, doesn’t let me talk to DH

[LadyGillingham]

He constant interrupts and tries to get the attention of one of us. DH and I work full time so we don’t get much time together. DS won’t let me speak to DH for 5 mins! DH doesn’t stop this behaviour - I think he quite enjoys the attn when 2 people are fighting for him.
It’s also quite sad that DH doesn’t prioritise talking to me. what should I do? Just stop talking to DH until he stands up for me?

This. Make time for yourself and your DH once your son is in bed and has had his needs for connection with his dad met; do not underestimate how much he might need this. He is the child, while you can teach him to not interrupt, allow him to have this time.

But OP also never said that she wants his undivided attention the minute he walks through the door. She should be able to have uninterrupted chats with him though and not have to wait until a 9 year old is in bed.

I saw a video recently espousing the benefits of the 10 rule; focus on giving your children undivided focus and connection for; 10 mins upon waking, 10 mins after nursery/ school/ work, and 10mins before bed. It sounds minimal, but the child might not be seeking connection constantly if they already feel it, enabling discussions with partner?

Teach DS not to interrupt people. It's a necessary social skill.

What is the actual routine when DH gets in at half 7? Dinner, bedtimes etc

You give your son attention when you see him in the afternoon

Why can't your husband do the same?

What is so urgent you can't wait and why are you jealous of your son?

All of this. I wish to fucking god someone had taught my partner of 15 years this lesson when he was a child...he's an very overindulged only child, and a chronic interrupter...he admits that literally everyone in his life has complained about it - family, work, friends etc - but it's compulsive now and he doesn't even seem to realise he's doing it most of the time - until I'm shouting at him 'stop fucking interrupting me, let me finish what I'm saying'...but that doesn't take away from the bald fact that at the end of the day it's just sodding rude.

You need to ignore your husband and really start to stomp on this behaviour OP. He's getting too fucking old to be still doing it.

That is the way I (and others) am interpreting it though that she feels she is in competition with him for the DH/Dads behaviour to the point he is encouraging it. Which is odd saying to your children hold on others are talking is normal and good behaviour.

Feeling in competition and fighting over attention is not

Stop calling it "sad" as a way to guilt trip her ffs.
She should be able to have an uninterrupted conversation with her husband and the kid needs to learn manners, nothing sad about it.

Teaching a child not to interrupt is a basic social skill, so maybe you should grow up.

"He constant interrupts"

Those are the first three words of the first post. What about that is not clear?

and I and others aren't interpreting it that way.

DH is the issue here.

Maybe the bit that says the DH enjoys and encourages it and she feels that she isn’t his priority.

Interupts could simply me he is their as well wanting attention not constantly talking over her

it doesn’t matter the dynamic she describes of the DH liking the fighting over him and her not feeling like a priority is making it a competion between her and her son and that is sad and a dynamic that needs breaking

Well yes of course he is creating a competition between his wife and child.

bit as others have said as well as me that kind of environment is sad for the child in all of this having that kind of dynamic between parents

It’s also quite sad that DH doesn’t prioritise talking to me

I find this a very odd statement. Why does your DH need to prioritise talking to you over his son?

If they both have had a decent amount of time together after your DH gets home then fair enough to expect to be able to have a 10min conversation without interruption. I don’t deny that children need to be taught not to interrupt.
However, if he has just come home and they haven’t seen each other all day then just let them be. I doubt urgent things happen on such a regular basis that you need to have priority for your DH attention.

Sorry in our family our kids will always come first, don't have them if you won't give them attention. We make time once bedtime arrives for us to chat and catch up. Find it selfish you say you want hubby time but what about the bairn isn't he allowed parent time so good on dad for making that happen tbh

Yanbu. People either experience it and get it or they don't.

Day in day out being constantly talked over all the time, even having your child come in from an activity they were perfectly happy doing as soon as they hear you talk to someone else, even just literally to make silly noises or be heard to be fussing the dog loudly, just to pull focus, when literally all you are trying to do is finish two sentences asking about how the drive home was and what you want to make for tea is utterly frustrating. I also find it upsetting because that it makes me feel annoyed when I just want to be having happy times with them.

Agree with others, reiterate the boundary but try to encourage them to talk first so that you can explain to DS that he has had his turn to takk, now its your and dad's, then you'll do something together. I empathise. It is an important skill to teach though and DH needs to get on board.

He's teaching his child that he can interrupt. DH might find it endearing at 9 but he won't when he's 14 and neither will other people.

Is there a reason you don't speak to them to tell them to take their turn talking and not to interrupt?

Oh ffs, this is the most convoluted, faux-naive "so what did he say when you asked him?" comment ever.

Is this your child or your step child?
because it reads very hostile to your own child?

Regardless surely the DS spends less time with dad as he goes to bed at some point in the evening?

I get it’s irritating but either the child is excited to see dad, or he’s in a battle with you as much as you seem to be with him, in which case if it’s your own child I’d be focusing on sorting out that relationship.

It is extremely rude for children to interupt other people who are speaking. It is also rude to hog the conversation and not wait for the other person to have a turn.
Children are not allowed to behave like that in school.

You need to take charge and act like the parent. Instead of being miffed and upset for your self, be upset for DS that he is not being taught common good manners.

Start saying - Stop, DS, did you hear that another person is talking? It is very disrespectful of you to interupt another person while they are talking. Please use your ears.

Then the next day - Stop. Wait DS. You can hear that Daddy is still speaking. Please wait.
Wait DS, it's Daddy's turn to speak. You have had your turn.

After a week say - Wait DS, please use your good manners.

After a good while - Wait DS, if you have to be reminded to use respect and listen when some one else is speaking then you have no manners at all.

If DS still interupts after a month of you knowing he understands the rules of polite conversation, send him straight to his room until he is ready to use his own ears better and take turns at speaking.

It is very immportant that you and your DH also need to model the same respectful behaviour of not interupting another person when they are speaking.

@RenoDakota If that sentence seems convoluted then it's probably time to put the cork in the wine bottle and head to bed.

Your child needs to speak to his Dad. 10 minutes is quite a long time. Have a quick word with your husband but wait until your child is in bed to have a long chat.