9 yr old DS, doesn’t let me talk to DH

[LadyGillingham]

He constant interrupts and tries to get the attention of one of us. DH and I work full time so we don’t get much time together. DS won’t let me speak to DH for 5 mins! DH doesn’t stop this behaviour - I think he quite enjoys the attn when 2 people are fighting for him.
It’s also quite sad that DH doesn’t prioritise talking to me. what should I do? Just stop talking to DH until he stands up for me?

This is really a husband issue. Have you spoken to him about it and how fed up your are.
Personally I would be having a chat with DS and setting a certain amount of time that is his time with his dad when he gets home from work. After that it is grown up conversation time and he’s not to interrupt you while you are talking. He can wait.
Try very hard to get DH to understand what a disservice he is doing his son.

OP sounds frustrated because her DH allows their son to interrupt. That's all.

I don’t get why you can’t have your “adult only” chat when he’s in bed? If your DS is excited to see you and DH after you’ve been at work all day and wants to chat to you, that’s a good thing isn’t it?!

In our house it goes - bed time routine starts around 7.30pm, then we are focussing on the kids and getting them up to bed. By 8.30pm they are usually very chatty and “brain dumping” about their day (when they were mute for about 2 hours after pick up 🤣).

after 9.30pm ish, adult time.

You sound very negative on your son, it’s a bit sad to read tbh.

But equally can’t you accept your DS is excited to see him too and that you’ll get to have that chat when he’s in bed? Of course you can ask him not to interrupt but the timing seems harsh when he probably sees his dad for about 1 hour before bed?

I had something similar with my children. I used to hold up 3 fingers in their direction. It acknowledged that I knew they wanted to say something to me and I would give them my attention once I'd finished talking to whoever I was talking to.

It worked from age 2.

One of my friends always allowed her sons to interrupt our conversations. Wound me up no end, so I stopped going round her house or on walks/bike rides with them. Children are never going to learn how to behave if no one teaches them.

My 3yo does this. We tell him he has to wait his turn to speak. It doesn’t always work but usually it does, but then he’s 3. This is totally unacceptable from a 9yo. You both need to not engage with him or reward him with attention. Just keep repeating; I’m talking to [DH nsne] at the moment, you need to wait until we are finished’ your DH needs to say the same.

@LadyGillingham kids need to learn to wait/not interrupt but you do both need to make time for your son. However, DH is teaching DS the wrong behaviour here, in my opinion. It’s the wrong behaviour to make it seem you are less important. People shouldn’t interrupt and DS needs to learn that.

Dear God, he’s a child and you sound jealous of your own son. Very strange post.

Her son has had hours of her attention by this time. Hardly ignored. Why does he get priority to interrupt and speak to his dad

Exactly both be onside.

what it currently sounds like is that the DH wants to see his son when he walks through the door and that upsets the OP

mine are older and yes shouldn’t interrupt but neither do I interrupt the conversations they are having

It sounds like your son is interrupting you constantly and I’m sure anyone would find that annoying. Your DH should definitely be telling him to wait his turn to talk

What did your DH say when you brought this pattern up after your DS's bed-time and asked him to agree on a parenting approach for these interruptions?

Your husband is undermining you and encouraging poor behaviour in your son. Both of you need to be on the same page with the attention-seeking behaviour and how to deal with it effectively.
Maybe time to introduce the talking stick!

I can see how this would get really frustrating.
For context my DS has ASD and would constantly interrupt conversations. Although it seems a bit harsh, I put my 'stop' hand up and carried on my original conversation. DS would continue trying to interrupt but I kept on with the 'stop' hand (not verbally communicating with him as it misses the point). He eventually learnt to wait his turn. He wasn't lacking attention at all.
Both parents have to be on board with whatever method you use.

There's a balance to be had, when my DH gets in sometimes there's something I need to tell him quickly or vice versa and I wouldn't expect or allow my kids to interrupt. We'd leave any long chats or discussions until the kids are in bed but a little 5 minute chat about something is not unreasonable. In the same vein if I was talking to one of my kids about something I wouldn't allow anyone to interrupt us either, including DH (unless it was very urgent of course)

Agree with Dramatic - it has to work both ways, don't let anyone butt into convos with your DC either.

i don’t think your DS is the problem. He’s 9. He’s had your attention available to him since he finished school and now he wants his dad. Interrupting is fairly developmentally appropriate too. Children naturally do it and their parents have to teach them not to. Your problem is that his father is neglecting to parent. And he should be the one you’re irritated with, not your DS.

I’d be telling your DH that it might feel very flattering to have DS clambering for his attention, but that it’s really bad manners to interrupt other people’s conversations and it might be cute now, but his secondary school/uni lecturers/ employers/friends won’t find it quite so endearing and he’s not doing him any favours by allowing him to continue doing it.

He's 9, not 2. He's capable of not interrupting if DH backs her up.

But wasn’t isn’t clear is whether he is interrupting or whether they are both wanting the attention and the DH is prioritising his son

How long does your son get to spend with his dad during the day/evening?

OP says she can't even have a 10 minute discussion with DH because he interrupts and DH allows it. Seems pretty clear to me.

I feel sorry for your son, you sound very dismissive of him OP.
He's obviously excited to see his Dad, and you seem to resent it … that’s rather odd!

You really are picking up everything I say and being on her side. I am not the only one who is saying the way she is seeing this is sad about her son.

We have the OP perspective that when her DH comes through the door she wants his undivided attention for a 10 minute chat at 7:30 whereas her DH wants to see both of them and presumably see his son as well.

I don’t think it has ever occurred to me to have or want a 10 minute conversation with DH the minute he walks through the door!

I have a teen that interrupts and it pisses me right off. They get a firm “stop interuppting it’s rude I won’t listen to you until we have finished talking”