To ask how often you’re complimented on your looks

[LeopardPrintShorts]

In particular by people you've just met. Have been out with a very pretty friend who has had men fawning over her/complimenting her whilst I was just ignored as usual. I don't think my physical appearance has ever been complimented by a stranger. Feeling a bit crap. Does this happen to other people?

OP, your opening post is the story of my life. As a teenager I'd be approached by a lad in a club, only to hear 'has your friend got a boyfriend? Can you give me her number?' I'd get hit on, but never complimented or chatted up, it was more in the nature of 'fancy a bit?' Or even 'I'll give you a tenner if you have sex with me.'

Since getting older and gaining self confidence, I've apparently become far more attractive...even though I am objectively even plainer than I ever was. So my take home message is if you are happy in your own skin and confident men will find you attractive, and it's more likely to be the sort of men that you want to be with.'

That’s so awful… 😕 It’s like those idiots who feel they need to pass some stupid comment on a woman out for a run or who randomly shout at people out of their car windows, just to startle them. Not very bright, are they.

Pre 40 = lots. Post 40 = only by my mum

@ThisFluentBiscuit alas no. I just felt a bit sad.

I'd love to know what it feels like to get positive attention but I'm either found repulsive or ignored. I try my best but you can't polish a turd.

No, it's hard to dent the confidence of a woman who doesn't need to make up tales on a message board about strangers complimenting her on her beauty either for the purposes of self aggrandizement or to make other women feel like shit

Some women don’t need to make up tales. If that makes you feel like shit, sorry.

Going forward, perhaps stay away from threads where the OP asks how often others are complimented on their looks.

I (and I've been in your shoes) think they DO mean it. Once you start the 'journey back to health' you start looking a little better everytime they see you and because they love you it'll be such a relief. They aren't comparing you to how you looked in full health or to TV beauty standards, they are just delighted to see their friend re-emerging. Good luck with the rest of the recovery.

I'm just about 60.
I probably look better than I did about 5 or 6 years ago but I have been making a lot of an effort and happy with the way I look apart from a bit of weight.
I do get a lot of compliments but not from strangers. My closest friend is my biggest cheerleader and tells me how fabulous I look. I take that compliment with a pinch of salt but it is lovely that she says it. DH compliments me a lot, especially when we are dressed to go out into the city for the evening. I often get random compliments from work colleagues but we are nice time and nice to each other.

This is what I think too 🙂

@AlwaysPerfumed you have to be one of the most bitter posters I've seen on here in quite a while!

The OP wasn't 'are you conventionally goodlooking?' as you allegedly are - in spades, it was querying if you get complimented on your appearance.

I do, a lot. I don't know why. I don't know if it's purely down to me being better or worse looking than the average woman or it's because I smile and make eye contact with strangers or what. All I know is that I get regular compliments and have for all of my adult life except when I went through a period of illness.

It's not a lie to make other posters feel bad and it doesn't make me smug. It's a fact.

It's also a fact that I've been approached and asked out on dates much more than most women I know - even undeniably beautiful women - which bemuses most people who witness it.

I have no reason to make this up.

Yeah, I'm not making anything up.

I'm also not the one trying to make others feel bad.

I get complimented quite often but I have quite contrasting features (very pale skin/very dark hair) and I think that catches the eye? I’m not entirely sure but I would never have said I was drop dead gorgeous or anything.

On the flip side though I do give compliments loads! If I have a nice thought about someone then I’ll tell them because I know how much little things can mean.

Rarely. I'm very uninteresting to look at.

My husband tells me I'm beautiful every day, but I can't remember if a stranger ever did. I get compliments on what I'm wearing from time to time.

I don't think I've ever commented on a stranger's looks either though, it's quite a bold move to make.

Not really on my looks in general, but I do sometimes get compliments on my hair.

I used to get the odd compliment when I was young and slim in my 20s and early 30s.

I probably have at some point but obviously didn't stick in my mind. I did have someone leave his number with my mates once, he was going to approach me at a bar because he thought I was stunning...but I'd fucked off home because of a recent break up, so I didn't feel up to staying out. So maybe that counts, even though he said it to my mates and not me! Ended up as a fling!

DH obviously fancies me though, and compliments me all the time.

But DD tells me I'm "so pretty", with my hair scraped back, no make up on (and looking down at her so likely several chins on the go as well) which is really lovely.

A lot when I was youngger. I lived abroad and I dont know if I somehow stood out as a minority in that country or guys are generally more forward than in my own culture.

I remember guys following me on my way to uni or back asking if I had a boyfriend. Cars slowed down next to me and tried to talk to me and offer me a ride. A guy threw a message to me from behind during a lecture with his phone number in front of the lecturer and 300 students. I didnt even look back, it made me feel very awkward and just wanted to leave asap.

Once I was in a shopping mall during Christmas, there was a guy dressed as a Santa having photos taken with kids. The photographer was very kind and asked if I wanted a photo with my own digital camera for free, I said OK. Then the Santa became really chatty with me and told me how beautiful I was. I thought he was an old man but turned out he was only 22 even younger than me, he asked me if we could meet again but I said no.

Once I was having lunch in a food court, I was married by then but a random guy just came up and said hi, he told me I was beautiful, I said thank you, to be honest I didnt know what else to say, he told me his name, shook my hands and left. I was in shock wondering what juat happened.

When I was backpacking in Europe several strangers tried to follow me and chat with me, tell me I was pretty and even offer to show me around. This happened in different locations and different countries. It happened 3 times in one musuem alone in Paris by different people, even when I had my headphones on. Some got angry when I politely told them to leave me alone. It became really annoying.

I dont mind compliments but sometimes it is hard to tell if they are genuine or not, specially if its from random guys. Of course I also had compliments from ladies too. These days more from ladies and other mums, usually telling me they like my outfits and I look good in them.

On the other hand, I have also experienced a lot more random open insults, mostly due to racism and sexism.

Never.

My kids will sometimes say "You look nice today mum." or "Your eye shadow looks nice today!"
Bless them ☺️

Never.

I'm nearly 52 and fat (size 18-20) which doesn't help. But I never ever get compliments on my outfits from anyone (friend or stranger) either, since being big - which is a shame as I think I dress quite well, albeit all Vinted.

I'll often say something like "oh you look nice, lovely top/necklace/whatever" to a friend when I see them (if I mean it!) but not to strangers. I don't expect it but this thread made me think - for probably 10 years nobody EVER says similar to me. Except dh, who is a sweetheart.

I do however get told fairly often that I look younger than I am, which I think is true up to a point. Including by dd16's mates, which is a huge compliment as generally I'm invisible all the time!

I miss being slim young and gorgeous now!!

I don’t know why some posters are doubting it happens. It does. If you’re conventionally attractive and it hasn’t happened to you, maybe you just don’t look approachable? Maybe you’re so stunning that you’re intimidating? Who knows?

I think this is true. I'm conventionally attractive but I avoid eye contact with people in public and my resting face looks a bit annoyed. People don't approach me but I do get looks from men.

Very rarely nowadays but I make a point of complementing women if I spot something I admire - I don’t just mean beautiful women, but for example I saw an older lady clearly dressed up to go to an event at the station not long ago and as she walked past I just said “ I hope you don’t mind me saying but you look fantastic” . She was chuffed and I felt good so win win And hopefully one day she’ll pass on the compliment to someone else. Other examples - lady queuing in front of me with a really nice coat, my neighbour who had had her hair done (or done it nicely herself I’ve no idea but she looked good on it) so all normal women but it costs nothing and benefits everyone. Highly recommend paying a stranger a complement. if you want a mood lift

That's probably true. When I was young I was conventionally attractive but very under confident. I think men thought it gave them free reign.
It was awful, but it was pretty incessant. If that can reassure women who don't get compliments from strangers, it had absolutely no positive impact on attracting men who wanted a serious relationship, quite the opposite.

Between the ages of 16-30 were my peak years of being complimented and fawned over.

I’m 42 now (and post children) and those days have long gone.

I’m glad that I once had a period of being desired though 🤣

Never. Not once in my life have I been complimented on my looks by a stranger, and fewer than 10 times by people I know.

My DH compliments me most days. Usually something innocuous like "that's a really good painting" or "that cake was really tasty", if I've made an effort I always get something nice about my appearance. The 2 comments from strangers that have really stood out (and I'll let you decide wether I should have been flattered or not) was from 2 gaggles of drag queens clearly on their way to perform (early 2000s) and they said I looked absolutely amazing and that they loved my style 🤷‍♀️.