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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Email from my ex husband...

458 replies

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 09/04/2025 19:04

“The date is on the decree absolute, you absolute toilet goblin.”

That about covers it, no?!

lovemycbf · 09/04/2025 19:05

grumpygrape · 09/04/2025 19:00

OP, if you quoted the exact wording my reply would be…..

Dear Toilet Goblin.

Yes, I’m very well thanks and, yes, I am able to remember the date. I’m not surprised you can’t as you didn’t remember the vows either.

Please do not contact me again.

Arlanymor.

He didn’t actually ask you to tell him the date did he ? Just said he needed to know and asked if you were able to remember.

Love this reply 🤣

Bethany83 · 09/04/2025 19:05

Yes as one previous poster said either reply, I can't remember or I would send a pretend automatic response reply like "this email account is no longer in use" or a bounced back email response etc!

carlmotl · 09/04/2025 19:06

Did he say what it was for or was he trying to make you curious as to what it was for so you'd ask him and he could then have the pleasure of telling you?

I'd just delete it to be honest. I'm sure he can find out the date of his marriage.

MilkyBarsAreOnMee · 09/04/2025 19:08

Compash · 09/04/2025 18:44

Say '23rd or 24th of month/year.' He'll still have to look it up and you clearly won't have bothered to do that or remember.

This is perfect.

StrangerThings1 · 09/04/2025 19:09

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

Wait until next week to reply and then just say:

’The date is on the decree absolute which you should already have, please don’t use this e-mail address to contact me again’

He has probably lost the decree absolute so will have to come grovelling back or else he is too lazy to look for it and it’s easier to just ask you

let us know what you end up doing

Vaxtable · 09/04/2025 19:11

I would go back with sorry no idea. Don’t contact be again

nomas · 09/04/2025 19:12

He’s trying to kill two birds with one stone - try to
force you to acknowledge / remember him and also let you know that he doesn’t deem
you important enough to remember your wedding date.

Men like this would take you giving him the information as proof you still care about him.

EilishMcCandlish · 09/04/2025 19:14

'That's not really my problem to fix for you.'

Ohnobackagain · 09/04/2025 19:14

@Arlanymor “Hi, sorry, no, don’t recall but it was on the decree absolute; my copy was lost in a move. You must have one though from your re-marriage?”

CantStopMoving · 09/04/2025 19:16

Reply with ‘sorry who is this?’

MumWifeOther · 09/04/2025 19:17

Just reply say “Can’t remember, sorry”

Wafflesandcrepes · 09/04/2025 19:19

You’re not supposed to use work email for personal stuff in lots of workplaces. Correct procedure here is to mark as spam and delete. Job done.

MesmerisingMuon · 09/04/2025 19:20

YABU to be fuming.

Block and delete. He's not worth this level of effort to get mad about.

Catastrophejane · 09/04/2025 19:20

nomas · 09/04/2025 19:12

He’s trying to kill two birds with one stone - try to
force you to acknowledge / remember him and also let you know that he doesn’t deem
you important enough to remember your wedding date.

Men like this would take you giving him the information as proof you still care about him.

I agree with this.

As amusing as the suggested responses are, ignoring him is the best strategy.

His motivation for getting in touch is unknown, but it won’t be good.

He’s either looking to get in touch, is bored in his marriage and is getting nostalgic, wants to reassure himself you are still heartbroken about him, or actually wants to make you feel small by saying he can’t remember your wedding day.

Silence is the best response

lifeonmars100 · 09/04/2025 19:20

Tell him you have had extensive and very successful therapy which has had the side effect of obliterating the date from your mind

whatisheupto · 09/04/2025 19:20

I'd be very surprised if it isn't just an excuse to get back in touch with you.

What form could possibly need this date?!

Lunde · 09/04/2025 19:20

"I'm sorry but I have expunged our entire marriage from my mind"

printLine · 09/04/2025 19:22

“Ooh, that’s going back a bit. I think it was April as the tulips were out. Though could have been May I suppose”

ThisChic · 09/04/2025 19:23

Aliflowers · 09/04/2025 17:18

I’d reply I can’t remember.

This!!

Andsoitbeganagain · 09/04/2025 19:23

I'd say it must be important to contact you out of the blue like that. For that reason I would absolutely tell him I couldn't remember.

Whooowhooohoo · 09/04/2025 19:23

100% would NOT hand it to him on a platter. He is not your problem any more … he will have found it before you reply. He was just looking for a shortcut to do whatever paperwork … just could not be bothered to look in his “impt papers” folder which is no doubt stuffed with divorce papers, Pre-nups etc.

This request is lowest priority …

AngelicKaty · 09/04/2025 19:26

@Arlanymor "The fact that he thinks it's fine after everything he did to casually pop into my work inbox like I am some free admin service." I absolutely get this OP and I'd be shocked and livid too. Who the actual f*ck does he think he is?!
As tempted as I might be to reply "Who is this?", I do like a pp's suggestion to send him entirely the wrong date (because wouldn't it be funny if he replied, "No, that's not right" - that would be a real gotcha! 😉)
I think it's weird that he seems to be using this as an excuse to re-establish contact with you which is why, despite the temptation to reply, I'd delete his email without replying, but marking it as junk first to ensure that's where any further missives would end up.

TimeForATerf · 09/04/2025 19:27

Fabellini · 09/04/2025 18:04

“I think I’d probably reply, I’m sorry I don’t remember, but I know it’s in the decree absolute. I no longer have my copy to hand so you’ll need to dig out your one”
I wouldn’t help him, but I wouldn’t give the wrong date either.
And I understand why it’s caught you off guard op, I wouldn’t like that either.

But you are helping him with this response, you’re telling him how to find the information he needs.

AngelicKaty · 09/04/2025 19:30

@Arlanymor Or maybe you could send him this link as your reply: https://www.freebmd.org.uk/search 😉

FreeBMD - Search

https://www.freebmd.org.uk/search