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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Email from my ex husband...

458 replies

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

OP posts:
Findmethesmallestviolin · 09/04/2025 19:30

I think it must be 6/6/66

TimeForATerf · 09/04/2025 19:30

JHound · 09/04/2025 18:16

I would delete it without response.

Me too, 💯, you owe him nothing. Not even a the courtesy of a reply.

harriethoyle · 09/04/2025 19:30

It’s not about whether @Arlanymor is bitter it’s the sheer entitlement of expecting your ex to do your leg work for something HE could easily find out!!

On the plus side, you now have his email address to block him. I wouldn’t reply to him personally.

I’m also stealing toilet goblin as an insult 🤣

Semiramide · 09/04/2025 19:34

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:23

It's not control to be fair, I think it's just my immediate reaction. The fact that he thinks it's fine after everything he did to casually pop into my work inbox like I am some free admin service. And 'best regards' - bland corporate politeness like it's a favour he's even entitled to ask. More than anything it's the shock because seeing his name in my inbox really did make my heart stop for a moment - I think it would to anyone to be fair. Even if you know you are better off without someone, old wounds twinge when they are poked.

Absolutely no point getting so worked up about this.

Don't give him the satisfaction of getting a rise out of you.

instead reply with the (correct) date and block him.

And get on with your - hopefully happy - life without him.

Bananasyousay · 09/04/2025 19:37

Tell him to fuck off! Outrageous

category12 · 09/04/2025 19:37

Semiramide · 09/04/2025 19:34

Absolutely no point getting so worked up about this.

Don't give him the satisfaction of getting a rise out of you.

instead reply with the (correct) date and block him.

And get on with your - hopefully happy - life without him.

She can just go straight ahead and block him. Why give him the date?

She's not his secretary and she doesn't have to do his braining for him. He's just too lazy and entitled to work it out himself, expects a woman to do it for him.

Daisy12Maisie · 09/04/2025 19:39

Completely ignore. Anything else opens up the lines of communication.

StartAnew · 09/04/2025 19:40

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:32

Not the same situation though is it.

No, forgetting it is not the point; it's casually contacting your estranged ex wife rather than bothering to look it up on the paperwork he must have. Idiot. At least that's a little reminder of how much better off you are without him OP.

StartAnew · 09/04/2025 19:41

category12 · 09/04/2025 19:37

She can just go straight ahead and block him. Why give him the date?

She's not his secretary and she doesn't have to do his braining for him. He's just too lazy and entitled to work it out himself, expects a woman to do it for him.

She might reply 'Sorry - who are you? I can't remember, were we married?'
Then block.

IAmNotASheep · 09/04/2025 19:42
Mr Piranha GIF by TheBadGuysMovie

Have taken note of that phrase
‘toilet Goblin ‘. For future reference
thanks OP

Gettingbysomehow · 09/04/2025 19:42

I wouldn't even think of replying.

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/04/2025 19:44

Delete
Block
Forget

Maybe throw in laughing at his stupidity if you feel charitable.

Cotonsugar · 09/04/2025 19:45

Divorced twenty years ago and you still have this reaction. I’ve been divorced less than ten years but whenever I hear anything about my ex husband I have zero feelings even if he has upset my adult children. They are now able to stand up for themselves as far as I’m concerned. I’m happy to feel nothing. If I were you I would email the date and nothing else, not even a greeting and leave it at that. Btw when I visited the solicitor dealing with my divorce I couldn’t remember the date of our marriage because we hadn’t bothered celebrating it for years.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 09/04/2025 19:46

Katemax82 · 09/04/2025 17:26

My husband of 25 years can't remember our wedding date

I can't remember our wedding date.

What a fuss about nothing.

IVbumble · 09/04/2025 19:53

There's more power in silence.

NetZeroZealot · 09/04/2025 19:54

I can't remember my wedding date. Although I know the month and the year.

sparklingindignation · 09/04/2025 19:57

You are not his secretary to find answers to his questions, so please do not give him the date. It will bother you afterwards if you do so, when he's perfectly capable of finding the answer himself. He is just making sure you will still jump when he asks.

Either block unanswered
OR
A cheery 'Heavens that was ages ago, I can't remember either.' (then block)

Good luck OP!

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 09/04/2025 19:59

I’d reply:

Honestly, no idea myself. June sometime maybe?

regards….

No ‘best’ or ‘kind’ regards, and no clue as to where he’d find the info.

interestedwhy · 09/04/2025 20:01

I got married the first time in 1996 and would want to check the exact date - I think I know but not 100% ! I would politely and unemotionally say sorry I can’t remember either - suggest you check the decree absolute and then block him

8misskitty8 · 09/04/2025 20:03

I would deny knowing who he is. Then mark his email address as spam.

Terrythefish · 09/04/2025 20:04

Your post made really laugh OP!

I can’t remember when I got married either! I am fairly sure of the day and month but not a Scooby about the year!

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 09/04/2025 20:05

His email went to spam
You didn't see it

Work on the fact that he STILL affects you so negatively

MayaPinion · 09/04/2025 20:05

I’d go, ‘Blimey, no clue. June I think?’

MikeRafone · 09/04/2025 20:06

I would reply

Dear Mr Wankstain
haven't got a clue, it was yonks ago.
yours sincerly
don't give a fuck

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 09/04/2025 20:11

What a fucking cheek. The tone of the whole thing would infuriate me.

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