Page 13 | Email from my ex husband...

Arlanymor · 2025-04-09T16:12:45+00:00

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker. Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online. I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to. This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin. FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

Original poster

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 11:23

Thelittleweasel · 10/04/2025 11:19

@Arlanymor

For the expenditure of a few ££ he can get a copy of your the marriage certificate from registry of births marriages and deaths [or whatever it may be now called]

Yes I agree, he certainly can and should have done that in the first place - I don't know why he didn't!

OP posts:

Original poster

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 11:25

Panterusblackish · 10/04/2025 11:15

Omg the sheer projection and therapy talk on this thread!

The OP is angry that her cheating toilet goblin ex husband is treating her with disdain, expecting her to find answers for him that he can and should do himself.

It doesn't mean that she hasn't healed, it means she angry now that he thinks it's ok to swan back in and say service my needs woman!

Women are allowed to be angry, we don't need to heal ourselves from perfectly valid reactions.

Thanks so much for saying this, you have totally nailed it, you really have.

OP posts:

Original poster

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 11:26

Espresso25 · 10/04/2025 11:04

I hope you’ve ignored him OP.

I've updated as to why that isn't an option - but I haven't replied yet. He emailed yesterday afternoon and I have an online event until 2pm, so he can wait until then.

OP posts:

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 11:36

LyingSmilingInTheDark · 10/04/2025 11:11

I don't think I was particularly rude, and certainly no ruder than you were yourself in your original.

Perhaps something is lost in written form or perhaps you take exception to, "nonsense"?

Either way, I'm afraid I stand by my post - form and substance - so we shall have to agree to disagree on all fronts!

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It was more being accused of pandering to lazy men etc.

i'm not.

I genuinely think just replying with the date is the easiest way to get rid of this fuckwit and isn't that the main aim??

But yes, let's just agree to disagree

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 11:52

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 08:55

not if she blocks him. Duh. Doing his bidding is much more likely to open up further attempts at engagement on his side anyway.

Edited

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Don't 'doh' me.

He went to the trouble of finding her work email, she admits there are other work emails he could use,

He hasn't contacted her in many years and she knows his need for the date is genuine so he's not just making up an excuse to contact her.

Far more effort and energy and thought going into all of this business is necessary, it could've been done and dusted in two seconds by simply replying with the date.

But still seems many people would rather make a huge big deal of it🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 11:55

category12 · 10/04/2025 08:36

I think the ultimate goal is OPs satisfaction.

Personally it would piss me off that he thinks I should be doing his thinking for him decades later.

I would get more satisfaction out of ignoring the email.

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Well, each to their own 😊

On the Internet, but personally I just want rid of him and not for him to keep trying to contact me to get the date. I'd sooner just take a few seconds to reply with the date. Yes, he's a cheeky fucker, but so what if it gets it over and done with him out of my life again, it's all good with me to give him a date

🤷🏻‍♀️

lazycats · 10/04/2025 11:59

Honestly, you sound way too angry about this. Indifference is the opposite of love, not rage.

ginasevern · 10/04/2025 12:02

He may have lost the Decree Absolute, as have you OP. I'd be more concerned with what he wants the information for to be honest.

Original poster

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 12:04

lazycats · 10/04/2025 11:59

Honestly, you sound way too angry about this. Indifference is the opposite of love, not rage.

No hate is the opposite of love. Not indifference.

His email made me angry, because it was anger-inducing.

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Original poster

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 12:05

ginasevern · 10/04/2025 12:02

He may have lost the Decree Absolute, as have you OP. I'd be more concerned with what he wants the information for to be honest.

He's mentioned why and I think it's legitimate, but it's a military thing so I don't want to go into too much detail on here. He should really get hold of another copy and that's what he'll have to do.

OP posts:

Eddielizzard · 10/04/2025 12:08

can't remember

two words better than 4 imo

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 12:10

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 11:52

Don't 'doh' me.

He went to the trouble of finding her work email, she admits there are other work emails he could use,

He hasn't contacted her in many years and she knows his need for the date is genuine so he's not just making up an excuse to contact her.

Far more effort and energy and thought going into all of this business is necessary, it could've been done and dusted in two seconds by simply replying with the date.

But still seems many people would rather make a huge big deal of it🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

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You are still spectacularly missing the point, duh or no duh. She could have achieved the same zen like inner peace by binning the email and blocking him, without doing lazy man baby a favour she didn't want to.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 10/04/2025 12:18

Just block him in mimecast and have done with it. If you think he might contact a general email address tell IT he's harassing you and get him blocked there too. I wouldn't give him the time of day.

Lunde · 10/04/2025 12:45

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 12:05

He's mentioned why and I think it's legitimate, but it's a military thing so I don't want to go into too much detail on here. He should really get hold of another copy and that's what he'll have to do.

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Is he being re-vetted for a security clearance?

Well if he entitled to security clearance then he should be clever enough to work out how to find out the information - it may cost him a few pounds but it's not hard.

EilishMcCandlish · 10/04/2025 12:49

Hate requires emotional energy, which he does not deserve from you. That said, your anger at him emailing you is completely justified, as he had zero right to expect you to still do his life admin for him.

Your proposed response is perfect because it says complete indifference which is all he deserves from you after 20 years.

Vatsallfolks · 10/04/2025 13:48

The thing that would give me the MOST rage is an ex husband STILL expecting me to do the life admin.. 2 decades after divorce !! Bet he still doesn’t remember his mother’s birthday and new wife buys the card …. Grrrr

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 13:54

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 12:10

You are still spectacularly missing the point, duh or no duh. She could have achieved the same zen like inner peace by binning the email and blocking him, without doing lazy man baby a favour she didn't want to.

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No, I am not spectacularly missing the point.

I simply don't agree with you.

In MY opinion, it would have been far easier to have just replied with the date then it was all over and done with in a few seconds.

There are other email addresses he could try and other ways he could try to contact her if he wants to dragging out the whole drama.

You are entitled to your opinion. You can say you disagree with my opinion. But I am not spectacularly missing the point because I don't agree with you.

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 14:42

How is replying with the date easier than binning and blocking? Why would she answer a request that is clearly making her seethe rather than just ignore it?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/04/2025 15:15

It's so dismissive and hurtful he could have asked anyone or looked through his old emails the lazy bastard

Original poster

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 15:33

So before I could send my response, he followed up with: I know it's THIS month and THIS year, but I can't remember the DAY is it this DAY?

So I responded: I can't remember. It will be on your decree absolute.

He replied: Yup, I can't find it. Also do you know the date of the decree absolute and location? Hope you are well by the way?

So I replied: I don't have any paperwork anymore. I have tried my best to forget all about it and you know why that is. You should have all of this from when you remarried - if you don't, then you need to apply for the paperwork again.

He's shut up now.

OP posts:

Andthispointstowhatexactly77 · 10/04/2025 15:37

diddl · 09/04/2025 17:42

"No, I can't remember either".

Did you know it was from him before you read it?

If so, just delete in future?

I can’t remember either is the perfect response!

Edited to say: x posts sorry!
See there has been an update!

Andthispointstowhatexactly77 · 10/04/2025 15:39

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 15:33

So before I could send my response, he followed up with: I know it's THIS month and THIS year, but I can't remember the DAY is it this DAY?

So I responded: I can't remember. It will be on your decree absolute.

He replied: Yup, I can't find it. Also do you know the date of the decree absolute and location? Hope you are well by the way?

So I replied: I don't have any paperwork anymore. I have tried my best to forget all about it and you know why that is. You should have all of this from when you remarried - if you don't, then you need to apply for the paperwork again.

He's shut up now.

Beautifully handled op 👏👏👏

nomas · 10/04/2025 15:46

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 15:33

So before I could send my response, he followed up with: I know it's THIS month and THIS year, but I can't remember the DAY is it this DAY?

So I responded: I can't remember. It will be on your decree absolute.

He replied: Yup, I can't find it. Also do you know the date of the decree absolute and location? Hope you are well by the way?

So I replied: I don't have any paperwork anymore. I have tried my best to forget all about it and you know why that is. You should have all of this from when you remarried - if you don't, then you need to apply for the paperwork again.

He's shut up now.

What a twat. If you can’t remember the date of the wedding, why would you remember the date and location of the Decree Absolute?

Original poster

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 15:48

Andthispointstowhatexactly77 · 10/04/2025 15:39

Beautifully handled op 👏👏👏

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Thank you! Goes to show that even if I had given him the date he would have come back to ask the secondary questions anyhow and I bet he would have tried via the team email if I didn't respond. Think he gets the message now!

OP posts:

JustMyView13 · 10/04/2025 15:48

Good for you! What a CF thinking he can just swan into your life like this.