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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend has just blocked me

477 replies

Namechange2609 · 09/04/2025 01:44

Oh god help please..

my boyfriend of 7 months has just blocked me and ended our relationship based on the fact that this morning he whatsapped me to go and shut the kitchen window whilst he was in the shower. The message didn’t pop up on my phone (must of been signal). He came into the room to say did you not get my message? I said no and I went onto WhatsApp and his message popped up.

he has blocked me because he thinks I turned my notifications off because I must be speaking to other men. He also gave me the silent treatment all day and night and I had no idea why until a couple of hours ago.

i do not deserve this and it’s absolutely disgusting but obviously I’m hurt and taken back and need some tough love!

OP posts:
AlwaysPerfumed · 09/04/2025 07:55

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 07:41

3 months ago you posted very similar thread about this vile man and was given same advice

and yet here you are….

I've just read that and @Namechange2609 ends by saying she has walked away from him.
There is also a lot of justifying him and his demons and his gorgeousness.

@Namechange2609 You are a foolish woman and that's fine-it's your life to forfeit but maybe you should put your children first.

Do you know who will look after them when you are six feet under? Have you made arrangements ? You would do that if you were going to do something risky like sail around the world single handed and, as what you are doing is more risky than that, you should make a will in which you make your wishes for your children clear.

That's the least you can do for them if you continue with this dangerous game.

LittleBigHead · 09/04/2025 08:04

Freedom @Namechange2609 !!! He's an abusive arse.

mumda · 09/04/2025 08:05

@Namechange2609 enjoy your life without an emotional millstone!

isthismylifenow · 09/04/2025 08:11

OP go back and read your posts, try pretend it's someone else who wrote them. And then maybe have a think about why you thought it okay to accept this over the last few months.

It's really not okay.

Bestfootforward11 · 09/04/2025 08:15

Thank god he has blocked you. You don’t need this in your life. I am sure he will reach out to you soon with some nonsense so I suggest you block him too.

Bestfootforward11 · 09/04/2025 08:17

In the words of Keanu Reeves…

m.youtube.com/shorts/x01q5w4umrY

sumayyah · 09/04/2025 08:25

Namechange2609 · 09/04/2025 02:12

I did always think he was abusive in his ways so I absolutely know this is for the best. This isn’t the first time he’s falsely accused me of something and quite literally made me prove myself over something I haven’t done but this is the first time he’s blocked me

im almost feeling a little sense of relief. I am hurt but I know il be ok. He was awful at communicating with me, and would often call me a cunt during minor arguments and become quite aggressive. This morning before I saw his message he said to me “are you dumb or what”

i need to write all this down to hold myself accountable for when he potentially tries to pull me back in. He’s getting the block button back

Are you dating an ex of mine?

I met a guy in 2021 who i missed the red flags of
He became argumentative over the slightest things, would name call, took major issue that I had a cordial friendly relationship with sons father and was forever accusing me of things when he would do disappearing acts

One day I found myself screenshot ting my Google maps to prove I had been out with my kids to the arse end of nowhere hiking to show I had no signal for his stream of text messages and wondered why on earth I was having to prove I was where I said I was going to be
I told him our relationship was toxic and I felt we should have no more contact

Honestly remove him from your life and block him from contacting you, he's showing his true colours, believe him. You are worth so much more than him and his behaviours

Lookuptotheskies · 09/04/2025 08:25

The posts suggesting you picture your children mourning you might feel harsh and cruel but sadly it is an accurate logical conclusion if you go back to this man.

Please op. Block him on EVERYTHING. Consider even changing your number and email. Get a ring doorbell if you don't already have one.

Print out or write out a list of all his horrible abusive behaviours and any second you feel yourself tempted to weaken and take him back read it over and over.

You deserve so much better OP. Take some time for just you and your kids.

Also massively recommend the book by Lundy Bancroft. These men never change. They are dangerous.

pictoosh · 09/04/2025 08:29

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 07:41

3 months ago you posted very similar thread about this vile man and was given same advice

and yet here you are….

OP, disregard haughty posts like this...and any others that blame you for your current situation.
You may post about your struggle to finish things with this man as many times as you feel you need to. If posting here strengthens your resolve, do it. No one comes on mumsnet and follows instructions with a 'rightyho then!' - think some posters are quite unrealistic.

So this nasty piece of work has given you an out. Take it. He's a torturer and a drama lover...and he'll never change. He's way more into himself than he'll ever be any woman. He feels entitled to emotionally abuse to get his own way. Fucking horrible.

DearBee · 09/04/2025 08:36

I guess the question is, OP... why have you been with him and what are you getting out of the relationship?

Sometimes we can get sucked into a cycle of drama and the whole push/pull thing. It can be addictive - I speak from personal experience.

I think you need to do some work on yourself through therapy to unpack this. Or at least take some time out from relationships and read the books recommended further upthread.

It's not love. It's drama. It's pushing your buttons so you fear abandonment and then crave the reassurance of knowing he hasn't abandoned you. But he will never change - he's not a good man, he's not good relationship material and you can do so much better.

Viviennemary · 09/04/2025 08:47

He made up this fake excuse by causing a fake row.,he sounds immature and quite nasty. You are well rid of him.

Jabtastic · 09/04/2025 09:02

I just read your last thread OP and you had walked away. What made you go back? Did he love bomb you? Promise the earth?

You've seen that his promises are lies. Let me be very blunt with you- you are addicted to this man. Look at your relationship history- a much older man who treated you badly, a 'safe' man you walked away from and now another unreliable, abusive man. This has origins in your childhood and you need therapy for it if you want to be free of these behaviour patterns. Please do it if you can.

It is very hard from the outside watching this. I know a woman who lost everything for a man like this - her children, her profession. She still goes back and forward trying to heal and save him when SHE is the one who needs healing and saving. Please don't be her. Don't lose everything and still be addicted to someone so utterly unworthy of it.

kellygoeswest · 09/04/2025 09:08

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 09/04/2025 07:04

He may pull the threat of suicide card next, phone the police to do a safe and well check on him if he tries that shit, YOU do not respond to him.

Great advice and this is very, very important as men like him love to pull this one. Please don't fall into his trap if he tries this. I know it'll (understandably) cause conflicting feelings but it's always a play at a last desperate attempt to control you.

Original poster
Namechange2609 · 09/04/2025 09:12

Thank you everyone. I posted on here to hold myself accountable and to not allow him to get back into my head.

my children are everything to me. He has never met them they always come first

thank you for the advice, words (harsh ones too) and the links. I do need therapy to unpack this and work on myself I agree.

OP posts:
aCatCalledFawkes · 09/04/2025 09:59

100% block him back. My ex of also 7 months did this to me in January - hard block on everything and we hadn't even officially finished. I had to block him back as I felt he had showed me such little respect and he had been so childish.

Three days later he unblocked me, discovered that I had counter blocked him so wrote me a letter begging me to talk and unblock him. Unfortunately for him I wasn't going to waste my breath as I didn't want to be dragged in to a vicious circle of blocking and unblocking.

It's sad that things had to finish like that and we couldn't be friends but how can you be friends with someone who thinks this is a normal way to behave in a relationship? Two months previously he walked out of his job so I was starting to see that this way of treating people anyway. He's not someone to be depended on.

RosaMoline · 09/04/2025 10:19

I’ve also just read your previous thread about this nasty specimen…massively disappointing that you went back.
I trust you won’t be so foolish this time around?

GoldBeautifulHeart · 09/04/2025 10:28

7 months in and he's pulling this stunt?

Get rid.

Flowers1985 · 09/04/2025 10:36

How old is he, 12?

ThatLilacTiger · 09/04/2025 10:40

Trash took itself out.

DdraigGoch · 09/04/2025 10:46

Namechange2609 · 09/04/2025 06:30

Well I cannot believe I’ve allowed this person to put me through even half of what he has done so far. I know I’ve been weak, and I know that the relationship would never be sustainable long term. As things got worse it did become easier to when he would threaten to break up with me but as he’s just love bombed me the last two weeks I’ve been sucked back in so I’m feeling pretty hurt.

He usually causes a big fight or drama week on week and it usually starts with him using the silent treatment on me and me not knowing why (and when I’m with my 2 DCs). He has subtly been putting me down, but never has any positives to say about me. He never apologizes for anything - everything and I mean everything is my fault. He watches me cry and ignores me or tells me to cuddle the dog as he’s good for cuddles, oh and he loves to withhold affection and love when I need it but really obviously give it to his dog for example I could be sat there crying and he will grab his dog turn over spoon him and start kissing him, telling him how much he loves his dog. It’s very strange and I know he’s trying to make me feel worthless at this point. he is bipolar, un medicated. Suffers with intrusive suicidal thoughts at night

he will often call me a slag, as a “joke”. When he wants sex it’s ok, when I want sex it’s “everything is about sex with you not everything is about sex”
he 100% has a porn addiction. He often hangs up on me mid conversation on the phone for no good reason, he’s rude. He never takes me out on dates, he never pays me a compliment, He cannot and will not communicate about any issues I have, everything is about him and his needs, everything is on his terms

I’d love to be able to give the examples for the horrible out of the blue arguments he’s started but my minds gone blank, but just know once in his kitchen I asked why he was clenching his fists. Oh two weekends ago, he started an argument with me when we woke up and then told me that I had ruined his day, I’ve ruined the entire day

the guy makes me feel bulldozed (only way to describe it) on another level. The constant put downs and tarnishing my character, cheating accusations make me feel like I’ve just been hit over by a giant bulldozer

wow I needed to get that rant off my chest! Well done if you got this far. Thank you for reading

I knew when I read the first post that it would merely be the tip of the iceberg. Clearly the iceberg was A23a.

Nanny0gg · 09/04/2025 10:48

Namechange2609 · 09/04/2025 06:58

Thank you - i have heard of the freedom programme before.

usually the demands start when he first wakes up “make me breakfast then” so closing the window is the least of it, although again being called dumb because he assumed I didn’t do it is crossing the line

Show quote history

Oh no

The line was clearly crossed much earlier than this

Make sure you've blocked him so you never hear from him again

Vitrolinsanity · 09/04/2025 10:58

Even if he’s not met your children he’s impacted their lives by making yours miserable.

RosaMoline · 09/04/2025 11:00

Is it possible to cross block someone?
Anyway, if not, and he gets in touch with you again (which is inevitable) OP - DO NOT under any circumstances reply. You cannot win a war of words with men like this. Once you reply, you’ll be drawn in again, and they’re so irrational, you just go round and round with them until they have you questioning your own sanity. I speak from experience. Please do not engage.

MattCauthon · 09/04/2025 11:13

He 100% will be back. So do yourelf a favour and block him back right now. I know you say that you are nt letting him back, but take away the temptation and get rid of him completely in all ways because trust me, he will be back.

Gettingbysomehow · 09/04/2025 11:19

That kind of man ends up being controlling and violent and makes it your fault. You,ve dodged a bullet. Don't take him back.

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