Gave Granddaughter's Mum £250 towards her 3rd birthday party

[TheBuffetInspector]

She couldn't decide which nursery friends to invite. Whether it would be 360 or local Wacky.

I gave her £250 towards either.

She's going to Sea-Life Centre with her Mum.

So, not only no party. No invite either.

I'm a bit pissed off to be honest.

Given your DS contributes a measly £84 a month, I'd say she's been very sensible not spaffing £250 on a party. Neither parent can afford to throw a party. You'd be better off directing your disappointment at your grown son who isn't providing for his own child.

@TheBuffetInspector I can see how upsetting it must be but I think you are right to just shrug and move on.

It's a tricky situation and the number one priority is maintaining your relationship with your granddaughter.

Perhaps there's some truth in the falling out. Or that it's less about falling out and perhaps more feeling out of place as a young mum with the other nursery mothers.

Doesn't mean you can just change the goal posts but ultimately your granddaughter won't remember whether she had a party or not in the long run. She will remember all the love you pour into her and if that means tolerating bad behaviour from her mum, sometimes we just have to do what makes life easier and not dwell too much.

Hope you have a lovely park day.

We went recently as a family of 4. 2 adults, 3yo and baby. Cost £50 ish to get it and even with drinks etc in the cafe and a gift from the gift shop it was £80. Id be shocked if anyone could spend £250 at the sea life centre.

Why does that not surprise me? She is clearly someone who likes being funded through life.

Shes not working but she is the main caregiver to a 3yo, not that unusual. What’s the OP’s son’s excuse?

They could have 50/50 care for all you know.

Except a) you’ve been told multiple times the mum isn’t working and b) it’s actually irrelevant to the point of the thread which is is it unreasonable to be upset that my ex DIL took £250 to book a party and instead went on a significantly cheaper day trip.

Also, surely you’re not suggesting that OP (a woman) is responsible for the actions of her son? Just another way of bashing women isn’t it, her son is possibly (we have no idea why he’s even on UC) being a bit shitty but naturally that’s all a woman’s fault 🤦🏼‍♀️

He should be working too. They both should! They are in their early 20s, if fit and healthy they should both be getting off their backsides and putting something into society, not taking money off other people.

Ah well, just see it as payment towards your Granddaughter from your son.

I can imagine, as they are both young, that your sons life has remained fairly unchanged.

Still leaves plenty of time for a job between them doesn't it? There's no excuse,

Yes, I’ve not said they shouldn’t work. They both should be working.

I think that was the mum's original intention with Op getting an invite too. A birthday party with friends is a big one off event. Hence the gift of money
A day with mum at the Sea Life Centre is just that. ( And doesn't require £250)

Op I would accept she needed the £250 for something and you did a kind thing regardless.

Also you are getting a hard time re your son. I hope he gets his life sorted as well. There not much you personally can do if he's 28 though.

So the (unlikely even) split of care is irrelevant.

On the basis neither parent works a party at a soft play place should never have been considered. They both need to get jobs, ok mum has a 3 year old, they do what most parents do, use the funded hours, and juggle childcare between you.
They need to set examples for their child. I say this having grown up in a rough part of the east end, before benefits could sustain a family, with people, my parents included working 60 hour weeks in factories and warehouses, taking on ad hoc cleaning work when a big bill came in, working two or three part time jobs if that's all you could find, a few hours in a care home, a few hours behind the bar, my mum working Saturday afternoons in the bookies to make ends meet. We were always taught work hard, and because times were changing and there were more educational opportunities even for those in poverty, we were always told get a trade, a skill, an education. My mum did so in later life and improved her employment prospects. My brother and I had a difficult start in life but we learned early on you work hard to support yourself and you do whatever it takes, we both now have jobs with salaries my parents could only ever dream of, I have multiple degrees and professional qualifications and dB is in a niche area of a skilled trade, because he saw by specialising he could earn more. Parental examples are key for young people.

It is relevant because the poster assumed the ex is the main caregiver. We don’t know.

If the DF was the main caregiver, he'd be the one paying nursery and arranging parties wouldn't he? Not "contributing".

I would absolutely do this ^

their adult son got a teenage girl pregnant and SHE'S the one that's "troublesome"??

Something doesn't seem right here, one of those where I would be very interested in the single mums version of this relationship and incident.

I ultimately feel sorry for the kid in all this, who seems to have a 71 year old Great Grandma so there looks like a history of young parenting..maybe the OP could have that in mind when judging the decision making of this other young parent ( 23 IS young).

@Dodappydah you do realise that £250 is a massive amount for some people?