Gave Granddaughter's Mum £250 towards her 3rd birthday party

[TheBuffetInspector]

She couldn't decide which nursery friends to invite. Whether it would be 360 or local Wacky.

I gave her £250 towards either.

She's going to Sea-Life Centre with her Mum.

So, not only no party. No invite either.

I'm a bit pissed off to be honest.

Ok just read all your replies . I think the child’s mum probably realised £250 wasn’t enough with party bags etc so decided on a day out . I was going to criticise her not inviting you but I just read your replies and you sound really bad when it comes to criticisms towards her.
My advice would be try and get along with her because she owes you nothing ! Absolutely nothing and if you carry on being this way you will have less and less to do with your grandchild .
Maybe give your son a kick up the backside so his child doesn’t have to live in poverty as what he pays as child maintenance is nothing but a pittance and I’m sure despite your attempts to humour your replies , you know this to well .

The more I read, the more I'm convinced the mum did the right thing and you are the issue. Mum is young, working more hours than required, raising a child with £84 a month from the benefits of an unemployed baby daddy who's mum sounds like a thorn in her side. She very likely wouldn't have been able to afford a family day out and quite rightly decided a family trip was more worth it than spending all that money on 2 hours in a germ riddled soft play centre. Grandchild has now had a lovely bonding experience with her mum, I can't see why you're not proud of that and instead moaning about her not putting it towards an extortionate play centre party that won't benefit her at all.

Good for her. £250 won't make up for her having the deadbeat ex you raised, but hopefully it helped a bit.

Next year say that you will organise and pay for it yourself rather than just hand money over or save it and do something nice with GD

She's taken advantage of you. She should give it back.

Why are you annoyed? You contributed to a birthday treat that sounds a lot nicer than a soft play centre. I would be pleased.

Well you live and learn OP. Really sorry for your disappointment and understand your anger. But, its done now and you are wiser for it. Don't let it stop you being a great grandma to that little girl. Just know that from now on, anything you spend you need to do it directly "let me know when I have to pay and I'll go and do it" rather than handing over cash. Hang on in there and if your contact with you DGC depends on it, try to hold your tongue and keep the peace for now.

Jesus the vitriol by some posters on this thread, op hope you can ignore the unnecessary rantings that attempt to derail your actual AIBU, and turn it into yet another MN attack on anyone claiming benefits (without even knowing their personal circumstances). Glad to hear you’ve sorted things out, sometimes we just have to chalk it up to experience, and nothing wrong with needing to vent or feeling upset about something. It’s all a learning curve, even as a GP. Hope you have a lovely time when you see your GD

The mum did not do the right thing at all. She chose those parties and accepted the money towards one of them. If she later decided the places she'd picked were germ ridden and the money could be better spent elsewhere, she should have asked the OP if she could keep the money for something else.

half the cost of raising a child for a month. Of which £84 is not it.

You can't ask for the money back, you gave it for a purpose and your gd is still having a birthday, she is going out for the day and will hopefully be spoilt in the gift shop and probably a meal after and a birthday cake, so think of it that the £250 is hopefully being spent on just your GD rather than being spent on other children that you don't even know.
I hate it when threads get derailed is like going to the doctors for one reason and he starts talking about your bank balance, it's irrelevant.
Hope your son son finds work, my son has also been struggling to find work but he wants to work but their is nothing in his field so he had enlisted in the army, he leaves in a month, anyway enough of me derailing the thread 😁

Well he may not have a money tree like you.

You're insufferable. I supected from your posts last night there was more than we were being told

But she is also getting money from the tax payer’s money tree.

If the £250 was a push for you financially (which is the impression I'm getting as you said all you can do now is take her for a picnic in the park - which will be lovely btw, I'm not criticising that!), then I probably wouldn't have offered it out in the first place.

It's frustrating she didn't use it as intended and I think you absolutely could have said "do you still need the money if she hasn't had a party" That wouldn't have been rude.

In future, I think it would be best to decide what you can afford to contribute and tell her you'll pay the deposit directly to the party place (or whatever is relevant).

But I don't think her having lip filler etc is relevant and comes across as you not having a very high opinion of her. Ultimately she is raising your granddaughter as a single parent, so she probably isn't all bad.

So sorry OP, shes definitely taken advantage of you. How awful of her.
For future reference, these parties usually only ask for a small deposit when booking then final numbers and payment around a week before. You shouldve let her book the party and agreed a sum to pay when it was time. Giving her £250 months before it was needed or even booked, was unnecessary and id take it as a lesson learnt.
Shes probably shot herself in the foot now because I wouldnt be helping her again if I were you. Id probably let this one go for the sake of a relationship with your DGD, but definitely wouldn't be helping out again.

There's a woman overseas who's had one child, dumped father but despite him paying maintenance leans on the grandparents for more.

She then found another partner, had a baby dumping him. He pays full maintenance, she still taps up the grandparents for more money.

She does own a hairdresser business, lives with her mother aside from the maintenance which has been set by the courts, she's four grandparents to tap into.

We're all waiting for third partner, baby, separation, maintenance and six grandparents.🙄

This should be between her and the mam she created thos baby with. It doesn't entitle her to scam others.

Op I really enjoyed reading this thread and your replies. Your granddaughter is lucky to have such a funny, fair minded Nanny.

If that money was specifically earmarked for a party then this shocking behaviour.

Should have been given back or - at the very least - asked whether it would be ok to spend some on a day out instead (but given the rest back).

This really touched me, thank you. Good luck to your son. I can't imagine your feelings right now. Have a hug from me ❤️

So you’re obviously the thief whole stole the £250 or you are a friend or relative of hers because you’re fighting her corner and know way way way too much to be guessing things. You’re adamant she’s working even though OP said the mother wasn’t working and she’s also on benefits, you mentioned the child’s father is 28 and how he’ll possibly end up on disability, you got a dig in about weight loss injections which I’m assuming you know OP is or was on?? If child’s mother is working and claiming full benefits then she’s getting cash in hand. If you’re that hell bent on sticking up for her over the fact she’s only getting £84 a month from the child’s father and she’s struggling enough to manipulate the child’s nanny out of £250 then tell her to hold off on the lip fillers and brow maintenance and use that money towards her child instead!! I’m in no way condoning him only giving £84 but he needs to live aswell and if she’s entitled to a life then so is he, they either both cop the fuk on or they both stay acting like immature clowns while their little girl is stuck in the middle of their cringy behaviour!! Both their mothers needs to give them a boot up their holes and get BOTH of them out working and sort childcare between both grandparents and nursery which I’m assuming she’ll be starting now in September?? She should’ve at least had the decency to invite the woman who paid for the sealife trip and given her half the money back!!